I've outgrown people I thought were with me for the long haul. I've outgrown situations and environments I thought were "home" to me. I've outgrown my own personal habits and mindsets that no longer, and probably never did, serve me or others. I've outgrown beliefs and ideals instilled in me from a society I was brainwashed into feeding into. I've outgrown stereotypes and images forced on to me by a media that does not serve my highest good. I've outgrown the girl and am developing the woman with love and patience, something the girl never showed herself. She searched for herself in others and based her own value in others' opinions and reactions to her presentation of herself. She set her self image in the fake ideals of a society that does not nourish the individual or the soul. I threw it all out the window and drowned in the realization that I didn't know who I was or who I wanted to be. I started to look and find myself for the first time when I took a look into my soul and personality without the lens society sees through. I started questioning myself and why I was who I was. My traumas and failings were addressed head on for the first time, it was terrifying. I shied away from those thoughts for so long it was like facing a monster I had always hid from. I started meditating, reading more, and getting into my arts be it drawing, painting, beading, singing. I started researching psychology, astrology, numerology, mindfulness, positivity, art, healthy coping mechanisms, mental health, nature, plants, holistic healing, the science of crystals, different religions, philosophy, and occult studies and the similarities they share. I started learning my tribal language and traditional practices with more detail, focus, and appreciation. It's not that I was not aware or involved before but I clung to it as a life line like I never had before and understood the importance it has in my life. I went into the Sundance rather than being the much needed help on the outside. In turn it helped me inside. It broke me down to the studs of a home I was already tearing down and rebuilding. It helped me realize the tools needed to rebuild and expand are my own and always have been. They were only misplaced for a time.
