#myhrposts

Once again this is just my read on the show and any input is more than welcome.

13.30 - 13.48 Knock Knock, Who's There?

It took me forever to figure out what was bothering me about this scene. And finally I figured it out. Why is Shane in the shower?

Well, of course he was dirty and needed to shower, but why now? We finish off the last scene with Shane dried and dressed in his civs. Another thing to notice is that his hair looks fluffy and not matted down like if it had dried with sweat in it.

Why is this important? Because it hints that Shane has already showered.

We know for a fact that Shane finished his section of the CCM ad first and that he was already dried and in his civs while Ilya was still on the ice.

We also know from later episodes and scenes that Shane has a thing about being clean so it's doubtful that Shane put on fresh clothes without showering first. So then why is he in the shower when Ilya is finally done and how was it so perfectly timed?

(And even if he didn't shower first that meant he was so keyed up to see Ilya on ice again that he rushed to get back out to see him shoot the rest of the ad and even though he could go to his hotel after and shower there he still choose to do it at the rink).

I think Shane did already shower once, and like we see him waiting to get dressed later in this scene I think he also went to shower again when he noticed Ilya was finished with his section of the scene.

Personally I don't think at this point Shane realizes what he is doing. I think this is all subconscious. He doesn't want his time with Ilya to be over yet so his brain is suddenly like, now would be a great time for another shower, we still feel gross shower shower shower.

I am sure that Ilya recognizes this on some level and the fact that when they both look at each other neither of them is shocked in any way. Though I'd love if Ilya's face wasn't blurry here so we could see his reaction.

I wonder if this is just a framing choice or is deliberate but we can't see either of Ilya's first reactions to Shane here (Shower & Locker room). I wonder if this is a way to obfuscate Ilya's feelings from the viewers to mimic Shane's lack of knowledge of them as well.

Another thing to notice is Shane's position in the shower room.

Shane is almost directly at the front of the shower room and on the entrance side.

Now there isn't really an expectation of privacy in a locker room shower but Shane's placement, when paired with the fact that he didn't need to be here at this point in time to Ilya would probably scream of being extremely forward while at this point Shane doesn't realize all the unconscious signals he is sending.

And if you didn't notice once again it is Shane making the unspoken first move.

Ilya would have definitely noticed all this and choosing a shower head only a few down from Shane instead of on the opposite wall (so there's no chance of looking at each other) is his confirmation of Shane's "request".

13.48 - 14.56 Down the Rabbit Hole

In this section we see the first prolonged instant of Hudson William's superb facial acting. In the next one minute we see Shane go through a form of the five stages of grief that doesn't feel rushed or exaggerated. It fits the character perfectly. I will call it the seven stages of gay panic. And I will never forgive anyone who says Hudson Williams isn't a good actor. Also throughout this section we once again get music that starts of sounding lightly curious and suddenly becomes more intense the moment Ilya starts touching himself. For Ilya's side of this scene I'll put my analysis in Italics.

Interest - It hasn't fully clicked here yet but for some reason he can't look away, and at this point he doesn't really think of it as "wrong".

Side note: Shane’s glances here are so unsubtle I think this is the first time he has ever found a man sexually attractive in this environment (locker rooms). There is no way behavior like this wouldn’t be noticed and I don’t think Shane realizes Ilya is also interested until Ilya starts stroking it.

Unlike Shane when Ilya first walks in him he allows him self to look unabashedly at Shane. But it also doesn't read nearly as sexually charged as Shane glances. It almost feels like Ilya's staring could be easily played of as nothing while Shane's is so obviously sexual in nature.

This could be because of a number of things. Such as being more okay with his attraction to men, Ilya has an easier time masking it. Since he would know his own tells well enough to account for them.

It could also be about confidence. Since Ilya doesn't show any anxiety here we aren't left wondering why the character is nervous.

It also could be a product of Ilya doing so openly where it feels like Shane is "sneaking" glances.

There is also the bisexual factor here. I think the characters are written well in the sense anyone watching this, with a functioning gaydar, without knowing what this show is about can easily clock Shane. But like in real life with many bisexuals that is a harder thing to do with Ilya. (Probably why bisexuals get overlooking a lot when statistically there are way more of them than other LBGT+ groups.)

Social Norm Realization - I shouldn't be looking.

I want to point out how closed off Shane's posture is to Ilya here. Yes it is normal for your arms to pull in like this when washing the opposite sides of your body (left arm washes right side, right arm washes left side.) But even still Ilya's posture is far more open. Ilya is also doing a lot of unnecessary turning.

Ilya is peacocking here. Showing off his assets for Shane to fully devour. And his fidgeting would catch Shane's eye more than his just standing still.

A lot of what I think is going through Ilya's head here is just about how to attract Shane's attention. At this point I think he is very zoned-in on what he wants since by this point he is sure of their mutual interest.

I think Ilya at times like these displays what I would call, "Shark Behavior" in that he is only thinking about this second and the one right after it. The extreme opposite of Shane who is thinking 20 steps ahead.

This isn't to say Ilya isn't thoughtful or can't plan. Clearly he can (the CCM Ad set up shows us this). But once he is assured in his course of action and/or is in the middle of it we don't see much display of nerves.

Self Realization - But I want to look, I want him to want me to look and I want to be looked at in turn.

Intermission: Being Seen - For anyone who hasn't figured it out or seen it yet that little look down and then eyebrow raise here is Ilya acknowledging that Shane is hard here.

Embarrassment - It isn't until Ilya points it out that Shane realizes he is hard and he automatically says, "fuck off" and turns away. This reads far more of embarrassment than of anger

I think Ilya only plans the actively jerking off in this moment. Right after Shane has told him to "Fuck off." Shane has basically said, "I'm not making the first move." We also know speaking about feelings and such isn't something Ilya enjoys or is very good at so his best option here is to make his intentions extremely clear in a physical way. He also has to do so in a way that doesn't invade of Shane's physical space. And he has already tried just putting his body on display and drawing attention by turning. So the obvious choice, since he is also hard by this point is to draw Shane's attention downwards.

I think part of this is also his way of saying, "See, me too. You're not alone in this."

Intermission: Being Seen Pt 2 - Now I've seen most people say pretty much "lol the boi is horny" but I think this is actually much more important than that. Place yourself in Shane's shoes, you're a closeted 18-19 (?) year old boy who has just had a full blown sexual awakening. The worst part? You're naked and the person who made you realize this about yourself is basically right next to you and has seen you get hard. The embarrassment and shame you would feel in that moment would be immense.

If Ilya would have done nothing here Shane would spend the rest of his life paranoid Ilya would out him and would do everything in his power to push down his sexuality until he was so far in the closet he would marry the first woman he got along with.

The only thing that stopped this from happening was Ilya reciprocating Shane's interest in such an unambiguous way. Ilya stays calm, turns to Shane head one and starts touching himself without a lick of shame. And his lack of shame is what makes this whole thing okay to Shane. "If someone like Ilya Rozanov can look at me with lust, can get off on the sight of me, maybe my feelings aren't so wrong."

Whether consciously or not Ilya being so brazen here gives Shane permission to start accepting himself and his desires.

Something to note is that when Ilya firsts starts jerking off his body is facing the wall and not Shane yet. It isn't until Shane starts blatantly staring again that Ilya turns to give him a better view.

Once again despite how overt his actions are Ilya still keeps a sense of plausible deniability.

He jerked off while we were both in the showers is a way different thing than he jerked off while looking at me in the showers. At least of locker room purposes. One can be shrugged off as weird/gross and the other is definitely gay.

For Ilya's part I think this brazenness is partially fueled by something he says in scene 10, "-we had same secret-". The moment Shane calls him out on this Ilya could throw Shane being hard back in his face. And between them Ilya is known as a ladies man so would be more believed.

There is also the European factor of that. The whole "Gay or European" joke. Ilya can get away with a lot more flamboyant behavior just because he is European. Where Ilya can kiss a man on the cheek (in public not even on the ice) and no one would question it, Shane can't do the same.

Shock/Anger - This is a little harder to see in just this gif, but when set in the rest of this scene the first few seconds of this gif clearly read as "What the fuck?!" He is shocked by what Ilya is doing, angry that he is being confronted like this. But he's also angry at himself, angry that he wants to keep looking and angry at his body for betraying him.

Intermission: Positioning - The way Ilya is positioning his left hand through this section of the scene is so unnatural for this situation which is why it caught my eye. This is a conscious choice and there is something awkward and vulnerable about it. He isn't posturing in an aggressive way here. His arm is a gentle Question Mark on this whole situation. It reads as, "I want you, and I want this to happen, but if you don't want this all you have to do is tell me." I also think it's important to note that while Ilya is being extremely forward in this moment he also doesn't physically approach Shane. He is showing his interest but giving Shane every possibility to stop this.

Surrender - This is the moment Shane breaks. He allows his eyes to deliberately trail down Ilya's body, this is the moment he knows he can no longer go back from. He can't pretend his reaction was a fluke, he can't pretend that watching Ilya in this moment is the hottest thing he's ever seen. But at the same time he knows what this says about him. This thing he has been hiding from for as long as he can remember is shoved in his face in a way he can no longer escape. He still isn't relaxed but at this point he is giving himself permission to look. Shane feels like he shouldn't be doing this but Ilya has given him permission to watch him, to allow Shane to feel the full force of lust for the first time.

Acceptance - This is the final stage. Shane has accepted how he feels and the situation but with that acceptance comes awareness. Suddenly he has to deal with the logistics of what is happening. You can see the moment of realization of their surroundings and he is quick to say, "Not here." Those two words say so much, "I see you, I want you, I want this, but we can't do this here. This isn't a safe place for this."

Last thing about this scene is the respect for the boundary Shane has just put up. Ilya could have easily pushed here, if Ilya walked over to Shane, Shane would have folded. Shane probably wouldn't have been too upset about it afterward but after a few more strokes Ilya turns and stops.

I also wonder how much of Ilya/Shane stopping here is rooted in their shared orgasm delay kink.

Saw this mentioned in a post by @infernaleikon But I thought it was worth mentioning but Shane mouths Fuck here (at least thats what it looks like). Just wanted to point it out because it is one of the little things that make the show and character's feel real, there are a bunch of these little things that make it so much more than surface level acting.

14.56 - 15.57 Second Thoughts? I Think Not!

This section opens up with Shane dressed, except for his shoes, sitting on a bench and staring up at the lockers in front of him.

Little easier egg in him putting on his left shoe first like he did in the draft night scene.

What's important to note is that he has the shoe set up to be put on but isn't doing so until the moment Ilya walks around the corner of the lockers. Shane had no intention of leaving the locker room without getting the chance to talk to Ilya.

I wish we had a better view on Ilya's face when he rounds the corner to see Shane still there. I'm sure he hoped Shane would still be there but I can also see him thinking Shane would have run away.

Shane pulls his second shoe out of the locker and fumbles it, letting us in on just how nervous he is. Shane is trying so hard to act like nothing just happened.

Also note Shane is in fact not wearing Reeboks here. Which is really interesting because if this wasn’t just a wardrobe mistake it would indicate this is a silent act of rebellion on Shane’s part.

I am sure that Shane is thinking to himself that he’s only staying around to make sure they both agree nothing happened but I also think he would know he was lying to himself.

Part of the reason Ilya is so sure Shane doesn't actually want to act like nothing happened is the fact that Shane is still around. I wouldn't be surprised to find out Ilya purposefully took enough time after Shane left the shower to give Shane the option to retreat.

Ilya calling Shane out here makes it so Shane can't just act like nothing happened. Ilya isn't going to let him take half measures here. He isn't going to allow Shane to sit around waiting for him only to act like nothing happened. If Shane had left Ilya would probably never have brought it up again.

Shane could also have easily said something after Ilya says, "Well, you are a really bad liar." But instead there is a whole five seconds of Ilya silently watching Shane before he approaches. He gives Shane the time here to protest further and when Shane doesn't than he approaches.

Now a note on the framing of this shot. The lockers on either side of the characters funnel our view towards them, we get metaphorical tunnel vision and the viewer's eyes are directed, like Shane's attention, on Ilya.

Now a lot of this scene of Ilya's part is very straight forward emotion wise, yes there is likely a bit of nerves but this is something he is used to and comfortable with. Knowing Shane is also just as interested and invested make any possible worry about how this interaction will go almost non-existent.

Ilya also is starting to see that Shane prefers to interact with his desires only after being "pursued." Despite many of his actions Shane doesn't want to be seen as the one to "start" things. It might be internalized homophobia in that he feels less gay if he isn't the one to initiate things.

I've seen a lot of people say Shane gave Ilya his number without any hesitation but I don't think that's true. Saying that makes it seem like he had no choice or time to think about it. That it was purely a reaction. But in truth there is 7 seconds between Ilya asking the question and Shane answering.

In those seven seconds Shane slowly sits up and looks up at Ilya for a few moments before answering. He knew fully what he was being asked and what the outcome of answering was. He could have easily kept his mouth shut or left but he didn't.

Yes he made a token protest at the start of this scene but he was always going to end up with Ilya tonight at this point.

At this point in his life Shane probably wouldn't be comfortable enough with himself and his newly discovered sexuality to be the one to initiate a hook up but he did stick around to give Ilya the chance to do it for them. (Another point to my Shane actually always starts it theory).

Ilya rolling over his towel here isn't an idle fidget but a silent statement. The action perfectly directs Shane's attention and makes it clear what coming to Shane's room would mean. They aren't going to just talk or watch a game. He is warning Shane in advance that agreeing to meet comes with expectations.

Once again Shane takes a moment to think through his next statement, "I might open."

The "I might open." "I might knock." line could also be a hint at their future respective roles in bed (which I would think is funny).

The look on Shane's face here says, "Oh my god, why did I do that, I can't believe I did that, I can't believe this is happening."

Also another thing, like Ilya's eyebrow raised in the shower, Shane looking to the right and quickly looking away right at the end of this gif (which is also the end of the scene) is Shane looking over at Ilya. Ilya who is now back at his locker and about to get dressed and has just likely dropped his towel.

We get the start of the song Sea Lion Woman - Fiest which I will talk about in my next post. 

Master List

Previous Scene

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Discussion: Autism

Discussion: Russia

Discussion: Disordered Eating

Once again this is just my read on the show and any input is more than welcome. Hold on to your butts, this is gunna be a long one.

17.13 - 17.41 Knock Knock. Who's there?

Now just judging by this gif alone they both look a bit awkward but neither seem nervous. Shane has his hands in his jean pockets and his shoulders are low and relaxed.

What isn't in this gif is that there is an extremely audiable, and honestly uncomfortable, sound of Ilya swallowing (we know it's him because we can see his throat move at the correct moment). Now I bring this up because it is so loud and obvious there is no way the producers didn't keep this in there for a reason. It almost sounds unnaturally loud.

Now why keep this? Through this scene we see Shane being obviously anxious at times but I think this non-verbal cue is to show us that Ilya is nervous as well. Really it's so loud I wouldn't be surprised to know they boosted it in post-production. (Seriously go watch that section of the show again, it's really a strange choice if not to give us a hint Ilya isn't as confident as he seems.)

It also would be paired well with the nervousness we see him display in the elevator scene right before this.

I think a lot of this facade is both because Ilya feels like he needs to be calm and collected. That's what's expected of him, but also because he knows showing any nerves here will only cause Shane to start spiraling as well. He's probably thinking along the lines of, "You've done this before, this is nothing special or new. There is no reason to feel nervous."

The next thing we get is Ilya teasing Shane about "chickening out". And Shane's stuttering reply of "I'm not- I'm not a chicken." It's the matching nonphysical cue to Ilya's own nervous swallow.

I like that Ilya circles Shane here, the first thing that came to mind was the phrase, "to circle like a shark". And I think that's a perfect way to describe the physical actions going on here. It also reinforces the view the show wants you to have that it is always Ilya doing all the chasing in their relationship.

What proves that's not the case is that it's Shane who touches Ilya first, even when he is saying, "I think we should talk. Do you want to sit?"

Shane's physical actions and words are contradictory often when it comes to Ilya. And all it takes is even the slightest indication from Ilya for Shane to give into his body. But so far in my analysis and what I can remember of my rewatches it is almost always Shane who makes the first positive indication.

It's almost like Shane is constantly fighting his own desires and he needs Ilya to essentially say, "It's okay." before he acts on it. It reads of constantly feeling guilty for wanting Ilya. And I'm sure if this was with a woman he would still be awkward at times but this constant denial wouldn't be there.

I also want to point out that Shane is smiling here and that his words, "This is such a bad idea." Almost sounds giddy. Once again his actions and words are misaligned.

Here are gifs of the rest of the makeout scene. I'm not going to analyze the technique here other than to say that the intimacy coordinator deserves a medal.

The way Ilya and Shane touch each other, especially how Ilya touches Shane's face, make this feel real. There is none of the strange stiffness or clinical feeling you get from most intimacy scenes in media. It feels like we are looking in on two real people. It is part of why this show feels like something you shouldn't watch with anyone else. These moments, more so than most sex scenes, feel like we are intruding on something private.

The choice to not have the sounds of kissing/sex muted also is part of why these moments feel so real. A lot of the time such sounds are drowned out during shows/movies by big climactic music. Doing so makes it seem like those are the grand finale, where in HR sex isn't the end goal of the show or relationship. Most romance media (Show/Movie wise) depicts the big kiss/sex scene as a declaration of love.

Here sex is just sex. Yes, they have some form of feelings for each other (lust/admiration/ect) but it doesn't make love a requirement for the characters to share physical intimacy.

A lot of romance media makes it seem love and lust have to go hand in hand or else you are wrong (a slut/whore/ect).

And I think that is extremely detrimental to young people's views on relationships. Growing up I experienced more than one of my friends equating the two. Thinking that because they had sex that must mean they were in love. Because if it wasn't love then they were a slut. I believe (and I could be wrong) that this is actually something that contributes to a lot of abusive relationships.

So I appreciate that this show makes the distinction clear. (And this is why I will probably always enjoy the show more than the book since I've heard the book is love at first sight, or near enough. And I think it's important to have more healthy love stories where that isn't the case.)

Next I want to say I really love that when casting Ilya and Shane either deliberately or not the two actors chosen are mostly identical in build. Too much of gay media and media written for women about gay relationships depict the smaller partner as weaker and therefore the bottom. (Another reason I prefer the show.)

That kind of thinking is extremely heteronormative and destructive. Even in straight relationships people tend to think the woman needs to be shorter and if she isn't then the man is somehow less of a man. I think it's really gross so it's nice to see two men who are both extremely buff and 6 '0 being together and knowing that Shane wants to be the bottom because he genuinely enjoys it not because it's predetermined by his height.

17.41 - 19.16 Getting Down and Dirty

The first thing I want to point out in this section is that it is Shane dictating the pace here. It's Shane who moves to push Ilya's jacket from his shoulders, it's Shane who first goes for below the belt contact, it is Shane who willingly falls to his knees.

Not once does Ilya make any form of indication he wants things to progress. And even though Ilya is in the more physically aggressive position (pinning Shane against the wall) it is Shane making all the moves.

Ilya is allowing Shane to explore at his own pace without putting any pressure on Shane. Not touching Shane in return might feel selfish on the surface but I see it as the exact opposite. By not focusing on Shane, Shane doesn't have time to feel self conscious, he doesn't have to wonder what Ilya thinks of him. He doesn't have to worry about how he looks or sounds.

At this point Shane wouldn't be as physically in the moment he is later on and if given even the slightest moment he would probably start over thinking.

Ilya is allowing Shane to use him almost like an object to discover his desires with.

At the same time the touches Ilya does give are all very gentle but display an obvious building lust. There isn't a moment here (until Ilya pulls Shane off of him the first time which Shane automatically gets in his head about) that he would think Ilya isn't just as into this as Shane is. Shane doesn't have to worry about if he is doing something wrong or if Ilya likes what he is doing. Ilya is making it beyond obvious that he is enjoying every second.

I think most of this is subconscious on Ilya's part, and it speaks a lot of his character that he doesn't have to make a plan to be this accepting and emotionally gentle.

I will note though that it is Ilya who sets the tone of using last names for the rest of their situationship. At this point Ilya could have easily used Shane's first name and it wouldn't have been a problem at all. And in fact with the lack of a constant reminder of their emotional distance they probably would have got their shit together sooner.

Now this is where I'm going to copy (though make clearer) a lot of what I spoke about in my Too Much Too Good post, so if you want a ranter version check out this post. Also from here on out most of the gifs will be linked so this post doesn't get flagged. So once again thank you to @pinenora317 for their hard work.

Since Shane has been the one doing all the progressing of this encounter. It's understandable to presume that Ilya thinks this isn't Shane's first time with a man, and that is why that question doesn't come up until later.

Shane shows no hesitation when it comes to giving Ilya a blowjob. Something I think is safe to assume isn't true for most first timers but because of this Ilya doesn't realize this fact until Shane has already started.

The first indication we get that Ilya realizes this is during this gif.

At first you can see Ilya thrusting his hips ever so slightly. Nothing too extreme that would require a prior discussion but more than I think such a considerate lover, like Ilya, would risk during someone's first time.

But the moment he has his first inkling he goes still. We can see the realization start to happen as he hesitates in lifting his hand from the wall. This doesn't speak of someone who is losing control.

Now I am bringing all this up because this being Shane's first time, it is completely normal that he wouldn't have the best technique. At this point in Ilya's life he has likely been with a number of people, most of whom would be a similar age as him and also likely going through their first (or near first) sexual encounters. This means Ilya would likely know the difference between someone who hasn't done this before (or only a very few times) and someone who is comfortable in doing this already. So it only takes him a few seconds to clock this.

We also see Ilya start to run his fingers through Shane's hair and then the most gentle of guiding motions as if he is wondering if this is just Shane's first time or if it's been a while and he needs to get used to it again.

When Ilya fully realizes that this is in fact Shane's first time we get him looking up to the wall for a second as if wondering what to do. (I think this is all important to note because this all really changes the tone of this whole encounter to be much more tender than a blowjob scene has any right to be.)

Before Ilya does pull Shane off he isn't making any noise but the moment he does he is suddenly moaning, he is putting on a show here to not risk hurting Shane's ego.

Something we see would have happened by Shane's line of, "Was that bad?" which he voice wavers during.

Shane is used to being the best, and he was obviously enjoying himself, so the thought that Ilya wasn't also enjoying himself got him overthinking in nanoseconds.

Ilya, by moaning when he pulls Shane off, and then saying, "Ah, no, opposite. Too much, too good." to Shane's question along with the little grounding touch to Shane's cheek, reassure Shane that he hasn't done anything wrong.

In this moment we also get Ilya seeming to make his accent much thicker than it is in the next sentance. The words feel slower and more drawn out.

We know this works because we see Shane's pleased, but still nervous, smile right before Ilya kisses him.

This reassurance is also reinforced by Ilya not once breaking physical contact, continuing to gently stroke Shane's arms and chest through the next section.

Ilya comforting Shane here is extremely important, one wrong move here could have easily shattered Shane like glass. Ilya may like to pretend to be an asshole but it is in these small actions that we see he can be extremely considerate of others feelings.

19.17 - 20.30 Stop, Evaluate and Listen

Like I mentioned earlier Shane's actions were easy to misconstrue as someone who had sexual experience with a man so Ilya's question here makes sense. And the answer would obviously change the tone of this interaction.

Shane returning the question I think has a lot to do with wanting to know there is someone in this situation that knows what they are doing but at the same time expecting to be Ilya's first. That's why his, "Really?" sounds a bit giddy and he is smiling just a bit.

I think (and I could be way off base here) this happiness(?) is because Ilya has just concretely confirmed that Shane isn't the only one who feels this attraction towards men in their sport.

I don't really think he thought about it until this moment but being a gay hockey player, especially at this point in time, 2010, before it was more accepting, would have been extremely isolating. Whether he acknowledges this fact about himself or not there is no way he hasn't had moments of realization.

(Now feel free to kick me in the teeth over this section because I don't think I will be able to word it in a way that doesn't offend someone while still getting my thoughts out.)

Even if he didn't mean to and even if he wasn't attracted to any of his teammates I don't think there's a universe where he hasn't noticed them. (I absolutely do not mean he was perving on them.)

But I don't think there's a way that a teenage Shane Hollander who is gay, but doesn't "know" it yet, hasn't fantasized about men and gotten off on them (even if he was just thinking he was putting himself in the place of another man while watching straight porn). With his hormones raging and after game adrenaline pumping I can imagine him just going about his business and catching a glimpse (not necessarily of dick or ass) and being suddenly shocked to realize he even noticed and then felt bad about it.

Because he is attracted to the male form, just noticing (and even in a non-sexual way) while still wanting to deny this about himself would probably cause some self loathing.

There is also an argument for him not truly having the attraction click before (be able to put a name on the feeling) because of how very unsubtle he was when looking at Ilya. It was so obvious I doubt that if that’s how he behaved when catching a glimpse of someone he found attractive he wouldn’t have been outed by now.

Now I am 100% not saying he ever got hard in the locker room, in fact I don't think he possibly could, the constant worry of doing something "abnormal" would probably cause him to be constantly on edge. (I also think this is why he is so pissed about a few lines in episode two that I will analyze down the road.)

Because of this I think he probably outwardly repressed his sexuality more so than most closeted men. I don't think he would even be able to compliment a friend/teammate on muscle gains without feeling weird.

So Ilya confirming he has been with men already would be so cathartic. I imagine he would feel like he isn't so wrong to feel this way. That this isn't something intrinsically wrong with himself, he's not a freak.

I also think this is backed up by Shane asking, "Who? Another player?" There is also a shaky inhale on Shane's part at the end of this question.

Now while I said I don't think he was perving on any of his teammates there is also a non zero chance that he hasn't had even the slightest crush on a past teammate. Just because he probably spent so much time with teammates growing up that most of his free time was spent with them. And if he did have such a crush he probably tried all the harder to avoid that person in the locker room. Probably to the point it seemed like he hated them.

Between Shane asking who and Ilya replying there is a few seconds of space and what is important to note is that the air between them goes tense and the playful smile Shane had when asking slowly drops.

But the moment Ilya says "- Coach's son." Shane starts relaxing and the smile soon returns.

Shane didn't want to be alone in his attraction and feeling othered in locker rooms but he sure as hell did not want Ilya to have someone else. Specifically another hockey player. Shane wants to share this secret with Ilya alone and he wants Ilya to only have himself.

Once again none of this is conscious. It is more about feeling like they have formed a bond around this shared secret and not wanting anyone else joining the circle, than feeling truly jealous that Ilya might have another sexual relationship going on.

If it was about being jealous Ilya might have other sexual partners he wouldn't have relaxed until after "-back in Russia." Since he knows Ilya now (or is about to) live in America making a relationship with someone in Russia impractical.

"I like trouble." Ilya is acknowledging that this is the bad idea Shane said it was earlier but a lot of Ilya's character is Do Now, Think Later. He does a number of reckless things despite having more to lose. It's really self destructive. (The shower scene is a great example, yes by that point he was 99% sure Shane was also interested in men but jerking off like that was a risky move.)

Shane's next question is also really telling, "Weren't you scared of getting caught?" Right there we are told Shane's biggest fear. After finding out the Ilya had indeed been with someone else before, the first thing he asks is what he is most worried about.

Now what's interesting with this line is that it is probably both their biggest fears for much different reasons. Ilya has very real safety concerns about being caught. Where Shane's would be more around reputation and possible loss of hockey.

Side Note: And I think Ilya here might think Shane knows about the situation in Russia and is hinting at that which would be an interesting add on to every conversation from here on out Shane tries to start about Russia. Especially the Tampa scene since Shane by that point still doesn't understand and Ilya sounds extremely frustrated when he says "Because Russia!"

I know Ilya says "No." casually here but I honestly don't believe him. Not with how upset we see him in the Tampa Scene about being found out.

Ilya saying that his and Sasha's relationship was nothing serious and that they had the same secret is how both Shane and Ilya also end up treating their relationship.

And if you watch Shane's face when Ilya says that line his smile drops once again. His smile stayed on for the question which is about his biggest fear but it's Ilya's reply that changes that. Without directly saying it Shane has just realized what this will be. This isn't going to be the start of a relationship.

Now I think Shane's choice of the word "Curious?" is just that. In this context it brings to mind the word Bi-curious which is often (but not always) used when someone doesn't want to admit they aren't straight. I've seen it used (by friends) as a stepping stone to come out as gay. And I think that's how Shane is using it.

It's not something he has to seriously consider if it's just curiosity.

I also think Ilya is using it the same way. We know even until episode 5 he isn't sure what Shane identifies as (Tuna Melt talk). And being bisexual himself he probably knows the term bi-curious and thinks Shane might be bi too since that's what he used.

I love that Shane smiles when being asked if he likes sucking Ilya's cock it reinforces that doing so was entirely Shane's idea. Because I have heard too many men talk in terms of having to "convince" their partner to do it.

They share some quick teasing to break the tension of what was a serious conversation and was a good way to get back into the mood without trying to jump right to it.

20.30 - 24.10 Getting Curious on the Bed

We get this low moody (maybe even slightly ominous) music through a good portion but not the entire scene which ends in an interesting place I will mention later.

I also appreciate Shane being the openly physically aggressive one here especially after Ilya said he would "Let him-" do something. It is Shane nonverbally saying he doesn't need Ilya's permission to do something as he pushes Ilya to the bed.

Ilya isn't afraid to openly admit he wants to see more of Shane, he isn't ashamed of his desires the way Shame seems to be. He also doesn't hesitate to get undressed while Shane is watching him. It's made clear that he has done this before, been with people casually. I imagine it would take someone a bit to get used to being this comfortable sexually in front of strangers though this ease could, in part, be because of regularly being in locker rooms.

We get another hint at Shane's autism with the cloth folding. Not that it's something specific to autism but because it is such an unusual thing to do in this situation. It lets us and Ilya know that Shane isn't "normal" and Ilya is charmed by that. He doesn't mind Shane being a bit quirky and doesn't even tease him for it. He accepts it immediately.

The way Shane walks to the bed and then looks down at himself, though there is a pursing of his mouth when he does look down, reads as someone who is confident in how they look. He isn't ashamed of what he has to offer. I appreciate that about both Ilya and Shane because there is no faux "I don't look good." here.

I also want to point out that Shane isn’t flexing or sucking in his stomach. We see that a lot in the media when characters are trying to seem sexy so I really appreciate how casual and comfortable his posture is.

Anything less than this kind of confidence could have easily come off as weird and falsely self-depricating when we as viewers (and Ilya and Shane) know how attractive they are. It could have easily been cringy. (Think those teen movies where all you have to do is straighten your hair and take off your glasses and you're an insta-baddie when we all know one of the actor/actress biggest assets is being conventionally attractive.)

Also socks on king Shane Hollander.

We finally get shown the nerves you would have expected earlier in the scene. This could be because being on a bed can imply things (penetrative sex) that standing doesn't or Shane finally having time to start overthinking.

Once Shane admits that he doesn't know what he wants to do, Ilya takes the reins for the first time in this encounter. The tone of Shane voice here, while nervous, is once again giddy. I think a lot of this is suddenly being able to think of all his secret desires without shame. Those ideas that have likely popped up in his head while getting off before are finally attainable and he has no idea where to start.

Ilya goes in for a handjob because he now knows this is Shane's first time. It is still a sexual act but it is a lot less pressure than anything else, especially for two people with dicks. This is something Shane will know how to do (though the angle will be a bit off).

Ilya would have been perfectly happy with handjobs only but it is Shane who directs them back towards blowjobs.

At this point Ilya isn't about to stop him again. What's he going to say, "I stopped you before because I could tell it was your first time and didn't want to pressure you so handjobs are fine. What, how did I know it was your first time? Well... I mean..."

Instead he takes the role of teacher, we see him do a lot of head guiding, helping Shane set a rhythm

Another thing I appreciate about this scene (and all the sex scenes) is that the actors don't put on "pretty" faces. They aren't afraid to make "weird" faces or hold their head at unphotogenic angles. This is another factor in the scenes feeling so real along with the (at times uncomfortably) realistic sounds thanks to the foley team. Really they went for it.

When Ilya is finally about to come he once again pulls Shane off before finishing himself. Which was extremely considerate, passed the point of just saying something or tapping Shane's head.

Ilya isn't going to come down Shane's throat the first time Shane performs oral. Shane is too into it to make a rational decision about if that is something he wants.

Ilya is constantly checking in for consent both verbally and nonverbally and it's a great example of how sexy it is and how to do it.

Now I want to be clear about Shane's performance through this whole thing. Ilya is enjoying this. Not being perfect doesn't mean it wasn't good. He would have gotten off during the first time if he let it continue but he chose to stop and clarify.

The growth of their relationship, and so much of who they are as characters, is told through their sex scenes. And yes we can all recognize consent king Ilya in later scenes but this here is the first time we see it.

He knows this is a big deal and doesn't make it one. He lets Shane enjoy his first time without there being any pressure or judgement.

His telling Shane it was "Too much, too good" early is what gave Shane the confidence to do exactly as he wanted in this section.

Now I know a lot of my analysis makes it seem like Ilya is the perfect bean but he's not. He is an asshole at times, probably is more so with other people than to Shane but even with Shane he has his moments.

The problem isn't the line "Not bad for a first time." The tone there was clearly playful and Shane laughed about it too. The problem is what comes next.

We know, once we've seen the scene continues, that this was a joke but to Shane he honestly thought Ilya was about to leave and was clearly distressed. It doesn't matter that Ilya "fixed" it. It was a real dick move. But you have to remember he is 18(19?) here. It's expected for most people to still be a bit of a dick at this age.

That does not absolve him and neither does the blowjob. He really should have apologized, if not now than sometime in the future after he thought about this night and finally realized that wasn't okay. (To our knowledge he never does.)

And while I personally hate it, I also think it fits his character and works well in the story. Without these kinds of moments from both characters we wouldn't be able to see them grow and mature (since the actors are the same age throughout the series).

This being a fuck up make Ilya's later moments of tenderness all the more impactful. Even just the growth from this moment to the first time they have sex tells the story of growing up and becoming a more emotionally intelligent person.

But I have to imagine, especially if Ilya never apologized off screen, that this is a major factor in why Shane doesn't think Ilya has deeper feelings for him.

For all I praised him earlier this move would leave a lasting sour note on the memory of this encounter. An encounter where Shane was truly sexually satisfied for the first time. I could easily imagine Shane having an ever present niggling worry the first time with any new partner for a long time if not the rest of his life. Especially for someone as anxious as Shane.

Another thing to that adds a layer to how ill-thought out this joke was, is that fact they both have no doubt heard the term "Cocksucker" thrown around as an insult. So even the joking indication of leaving Shane without returning the favor is a pretty extreme blow. Shane has just become the thing that people maliciously throw around and the possibility of being alone in that would be devastating.

Shane is also prone to take people's words at face value (probably due to his autism) so while someone who could read a person like Ilya better might have seen through it Shane absolutely could not.

On Ilya's part I think this whole "joke" is a way to put emotional distance between them. We see him do this on multiple occasions after they have sex. (Another thing that probably contributed to the tuna meltdown.)

I also think Shane is so quick to forgive Ilya here both because he is a horny 18(19?) year old but also because being autistic he probably has "not got the joke" many times growing up. Especially the kind of jokes I can imagine teen boys make in locker rooms.

He would have had to laugh along and forgive slights he didn't understand to fit in and I think that's part of what's happening here.

Earlier in this post I mentioned the music that started when they first got on the bed and said it ended in an interesting place. Well this is that place. It fades out right before Ilya speaks the words, "What? You need something?"

I mention this because it's interesting that it's there for the entirety of Shane giving Ilya a blowjob but not the other way around. I think this a clever way to highlight Shane's first time receiving pleasure from a man. There is no background noise to mask the foley work. We are forced to experience Shane's pleasure in a way we weren't with Ilya. It makes it clear that this is the important section of the interaction.

It could also indicate that Ilya wasn't paying as much attention but that Shane is laser focused on the experience. Or could also be showing that all of Ilya's attention is focused on Shane at this moment, maybe a mix of both.

Whatever it is, it's a curious choice.

We get a soft confirmation that Shane didn't have the best technique with Ilya's line of, "Let me show you how to do this, kid."

Side Note: I saw a post and I can't remember who it was by, but if you know, comment please, that judging by the way Ilya moves, and where spatially the blowjob starts that Shane is packing. Which I agree with and makes the point I made about them physically being the same size all the more potent. There is also this idea/belief that people with large dicks don't bottom (which is just stupid). Because of this I will not speculate on whose bigger because it doesn't really matter or dictate their bedroom preferences.

Another thing I love about this show that first appears in this scene is the first instant of Ilya being a tit man. I mention this because most media (mainly straight) don't ever show men's chests as being part of the sexual experience. We get women's boobs shoved (literally) in our face as a sign of their sexuality and sex appeal but we don't get the same for men. This goes all the way to social media censoring women's chests but not men's. So it's nice to have a show that has a character so obviously sexualizing that part of a man.

We also get another example of the show allowing us to see real expressions and unphotogenic angles and I think it's hotter for that.

Shane tries to be considerate here and get Ilya to pull off, going as far as trying to push him off as he does come but Ilya refuses to be budged. It lets us know that not only is Ilya good at it but he enjoys sucking cock and all that comes with it.

When he finally does pull off, while he is still between Shane's knees we can hear, and with how his head is positioned, Ilya kiss Shane's thigh right before he gives a little condescending slap to Shane's belly.

Those are almost completely diametrically opposed actions and shows just how mixed the signals he is sending out are. There is no way Shane would be able to tell which one he really meant. Though I tend to go with the kiss since it came first and without the belly slap it would seem out of place but not the other way around.

I'm almost inclined to say the belly slap is to "balance the scales" of how sweet the kiss was in Ilya's mind.

24.10 - 26.36 Pillow Talk

Once again we see Ilya make a dick joke right after they finish as a way to put emotional distance between them. "What? That you would come so quick?"

(I'm petty and counted) Ilya lasted 34 seconds and Shane lasted 34 seconds.

WAIT! JACOB TIERNEY YOU MOTHER FUCKER?! HOW DARE?! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU?!?!?!? (Rule 34 joke?) Okay, back to your irregularly scheduled analysis.

Ilya's face in this gif set is so soft and happy. It could just be post-orgasm endorphins but the look on his face here is much too tender to JUST be that. It's fond and pleased.

"I don't mind." swallowing Shane's come here was a powerplay (actively fighting against Shane pulling him off) and something he seems sexually attracted to so his playing it off is unnecessary and a bit sad. I can easily see this being replaced with "It's hot, no?" and fitting Ilya better.

It maybe be that being fresh out of Russia he still has lingering hangups about liking this. Might be a lingering shame about his sexuality at this point.

It could also be him playing it off so Shane doesn't feel anything negative about not doing the same.

And finally we get Shane realizing the full weight of what just happened. He just had a sexual encounter with a man and liked it. For the first time in his life, sex with a partner was truly good.

Shane is suddenly confronted with what that could mean without the haze of lust clouding his thoughts. Not just a man, but this man.

Ilya tries to break whatever mood Shane has just fallen into by saying he wants a cigarette, which Shane automatically says is bad for you. But Shane is still in the same headspace.

Ilya is laying back watching, probably trying to figure out what went wrong when Shane asks if he is going to tell anyone.

Shane is genuinely worried about being outed but Ilya probably hears something along the lines of, "I regret this." But it's also an insult in a way. Ilya is the last person who would risk telling this secret so the fact Shane even asks, and then tries to explain why as if Ilya doesn't understand perfectly what's at risk, is probably frustrating. Hell, he understands better than Shane does.

For his part Ilya does realize how panicked Shane is and his voice softens as he reassures Shane but Shane is too in his head to accept it.

I'm not exactly sure why, and I could be imagining this, but there is something about Ilya's look here that reads to me like if Shane wasn't freaking out Ilya might have stayed longer. Not the night or anything but it seems like he would have let the afterglow fade more.

If that is true this is another thing that destroyed their chance of a more healthy relationship early on.

There is also something about this expression that reads of disappointment, maybe in himself or the situation. I don't think Shane really wanted Ilya to leave.

So much of their interaction before now has been Shane saying "Fuck off" but really meaning "Stay" and this is the first time Ilya doesn't push back at all.

At this point (and for a lot of the show) Shane doesn't know how to ask for what he wants without first trying to verbally deny his desires and Ilya always seems to read Shane's body well enough to bypass that in a respectful way.

For Ilya's part I think him leaving without pushing back is both to put up an emotional wall and being in his head about the whole thing that he doesn't notice what Shane is feeling. He is also a teen boy here and all his hookups before have probably ended like this so he doesn't think twice about it.

I also think Shane's disappointment here is that he thought this might end differently. Like he thought something more could come out of this.

Shane, despite what he says and acts like, seems to want a serious (or at least more concrete) relationship from the start. He doesn't have the same mentality Ilya does when it comes to sex and the ability for it to be just casual.

He has just had his first sexual encounter that really mattered and no matter who it was with it would affect his emotions. (The saying about being emotionally tied to your first partner is actually in some ways true.)

While Ilya is getting dressed Shane watches him the whole time and I can't imagine there isn't some awkwardness Ilya is feeling being focused on in this moment. It doesn't have the same lust blinding quality of being watched while undressing. It is a lot more vulnerable.

Ilya putting on his clothes her is akin to slowly covering up any emotional vulnerability. He is covering himself up in emotional armor.

But at the same time Ilya gets dressed mostly facing Shane, as if trying to ensure Shane is unable to forget or deny him. This happened and he doesn't want to act like it didn't. He isn't ashamed it happened.

After Ilya gets dressed he is looking at Shane as he says goodnight, and the words even sound a little sing-songy(?) while Shane is completely closed off, arms across his chest, legs drawn up and face blank.

When Shane is alone we get another great display of facial acting from Hudson Williams. I almost feel like I don't need to analyze it but this is overanalyzingheatedrivalry so I must.

Here he is so clearly wondering what has just happened, he's looking up at the ceiling as if he's looking for answers.

Then there is this small giddy/hysteric moment when he says, "Holy shit."

And then he covers his face as if to hide from any positive emotions the event has brought him, collecting himself as he slides down back into blankness.

He doesn't want to feel anything about what happened. And if it was up to him he would probably wipe it from his memory.

But he can't, and there is a subtle feeling of melancholy to this look.

Lastly we get this little satisfied/pleased/proud huff of air that is quickly quashed back down.

Final Thoughts

I know I haven't had a section like this in any of my other posts but I think in this one there are some important things to talk about that both do and don't fit here.

I want to talk about how Shane doesn't "know" he's gay until years later. And I think the root of that is grown from this scene. Because as far as the show goes (and that is the only media I am basing my analysis off of) the only man we ever see Shane with is Ilya, I am basing my opinion on Ilya being the only person, let alone man, who he has sex with until Rose. Because of this Shane doesn't have to confront the fact he is gay until Ilya tries to make their relationship serious and his and Rose's relationship fails. Since all his sexual encounters are short and months apart he can keep the illusion that he isn't gay. He's just too busy, he travels a lot, hasn't found someone he likes ect.

It's the brief and sporadic nature of their relationship that fuels his self-denial. If Ilya was geographically closer or they saw each other more often or for longer periods of time (even if for only half a day at a time) Shane would have had to confront this fact sooner. But because it's not that way, he can continuously write Ilya off as a fluke or exception. And of course he will eventually meet a girl who he will fall in love with and marry. There is no greater implication to his hook-up he only sees a few times a year.

Master List

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Discussion: Autism

Discussion: Russia

Discussion: Disordered Eating

Okay, I was thinking more on this line when I had a sudden realization. At this point in Ilya’s language journey it is extremely doubtful he would say, “See you at the draft.” rather than, “See you at draft.” The Russian language doesn’t have articles like: a, the. But Ilya uses one here, and since this is overanalyzingheatedrivalry, it was something I took note of in my scene 2 analysis.

And finally as I’m making chili today I came up with an explanation that isn’t just they messed up in the script.

Ending of Vegas scenes Episode 1 vs Episode 2

Okay so I think this is another important parallel to mention but I haven't seen anyone point it out. Both scenes have ended on a sour note. But in the first one Shane says "See you next season." It's a subtle reminder that they wont see each other for months and despite being upset Ilya wants to get in one last kiss. The second time Shane doesn't send that reminder.

Once again this is just my read on the show and any input is more than welcome.

26.36 - 27.06 If He's a Goalie, You're Trying to Score

First thing I want to point out is the amazing prop work in this show when it comes to period appropriate technology. The props masters really go above and beyond and it helps immerse the viewer in the time the show is set.

Another nice little touch here is that Ilya looks like he is just finished with a game/practice. His hair looks matted down like if he has been wearing a helmet and his skin is slightly shiny with sweat.

The music (Une Journée Parfaite by DUMAS) is light and playful and is a good indicator that what Ilya says is supposed to be teaseing and so is Shane's "What a fucking asshole.”

But the lyrics of the song are also telling. It’s about living and suddenly finding the thing you didn’t know you were missing. A map with no reason to use it, an invitation with no destination, time but nothing to spend it on, sound with no picture, a book you're missing the first pages of. They are all things that are useful in theory but without a reason to use them they are pointless, they are incomplete.

Whether they know it or not Ilya and Shane have just given each other a reason both romantically and professionally. 

You can also debate that the fact it’s in French (not a language they share), is a metaphor for the fact that though they have both been “completed” they don’t understand it yet. Or that maybe being in French (a language Shane does know) that he has on some level already realized this but if he told Ilya, Ilya wouldn’t understand.

Personally I like this added interpretation because Shane and Ilya’s biggest obstacle is actually communication/language barriers.

Ilya's line of, "About time." It's probably a mix of different things, yes it's excitement to see Shane but also to play against him again. I think it's also probably something he has been asked multiple times before and he's just glad the questions will stop. His tone isn't outwardly excited so either he is keeping it under wraps or the last reason (annoyance) is overriding everything else. He seems much more animated about the direct question about Shane.

Things we learn from this interview: This is the first time in three months that they will be seeing each other since the CCM ad and it will also be their first time playing each other.

Without even playing a game against each other yet the media and league has already set them up as arch-rivals.

This is also interesting because they are both rookies so in theory they shouldn't be that important to their teams and the league over all yet. They aren't established players, and in fact haven't even completed a season yet, but Ilya is being interviewed already.

They are being set up to be the next big thing in hockey and all eyes are on them.

We see Ilya chirping Shane in front of the press, it's harmless over all but it also lets us see Ilya's playful and teasing nature. We can also assume anytime Shane is brought up Ilya will take the chance to make a joke which would only feed into the rival narrative.

The joke about being a goalie is that since they are not playing the same position (if Shane was goalie) than he is no longer competition. Another thing to note is that goalies aren't allowed to be captains.

We also get to see Ilya being cocky and this lets us know, since we don't see much of how he interacts with the general public throughout the show, that this is the behavior he will be known for and how he is viewed.

Through the series it's only how the public views Shane that we ever really see. This could be a point about how Shane seems to be the one who really cares about public perception of him. Shane is the one who is against being outed because it will affect his reputation but for Ilya it's about his safety.

Ilya joking that he said 50 instead of 40 is a clever way to let the viewer know that Ilya is always trying to one up not only Shane but himself.

Not only is he competitive with others but with himself as well. He is always striving to outdo himself.

And being as competitive as Shane is, Ilya is basically throwing down a gauntlet here (and I honestly think Ilya is fully aware of what this comment would sound like to Shane and he knows the press will make sure Shane hears about it).

A big part of their dynamic, and why they work as a couple, is that they are both so competitive. And while they hate losing, if they are going to lose to anyone they rather it be to each other. They can even find happiness in losing if it’s the other who wins, because it means there is still room to improve and someone to get better for/against.

If they weren't both so good (if one of their teams never won against the other) this kind of competitiveness would destroy any relationship they could possibly have.

In this short interview we also see Ilya easily charming the interviewers. He is comfortable and charismatic, while that is something Shane struggles with.

Shane smiling when he says "What a fucking asshole." lets us once again see the misalignment between his words and his thoughts. He is charmed by Ilya here.

Another thing to consider is that Shane had to purposefully search for this clip. Ilya isn't famous enough for it to be worthy of being on ESPN (he is one of many rookies on one of 32 teams). This clip he is watching also isn't from any social media (that I can tell) and is probably on youtube. Unless he has been searching for clips of Ilya before this, this interview wouldn't just show up on his for you (of the time period equivalant).

27. 06 - 29.30 Bitches Love Brunch

We can assume, with how Shane doesn't have to ask or look around to find his parents, that this is a restaurant they usually meet up at (and we do in fact see them meeting up here at other times). He also is wearing different clothes from the clip before and doesn’t look sweaty in the last clip so we can assume he watched the interview before his run.

The first thing Shane does is apologize for being late. Now it might just be me but 15 minutes isn’t the kind of late to apologize for. And we know he isn't just saying it as a courtesy since he starts explaining why he was late.

Personally I don't like that Yuna says, "It's just that you're usually on time." It isn't the kind of thing you would say to someone who is usually on time and the first time they aren't they are only late by 15 minutes. David waves it off as no problem but with how Yuna says that line it sounds like a reprimand.

I can understand a line like that if Shane had started being 30 minutes late multiple times in a row but from this conversation we get the idea that Shane is almost always punctual. Her tone also seems slightly put out at having to wait.

Yuna ordering for Shane after he was only 15 minutes late is also really weird. Ordering for your grown son seems really controlling and infantilizing, ordering a drink is one thing but his meal is weird. Especially when he was barely late. It's not like David and Yuna were sitting there for a long time and decided to ordered for themselves. It would have been no problem for them to tell the waitstaff they are waiting for someone else.

It's also weird because they didn't know how late he would be, so ordering without contacting him to know how long he would be risked his food getting cold.

We also see more of their family dynamic when Shane mentions Youtube rabbit holes David seems genuinely interested in it and what his son was watching but Yuna cuts it off and makes it about work.

Shane's words and expression are very preformative here but his tone gives the game away. Just like the Reebok deal he is completely uninterested in the conversation. He also doesn't look at either of his parents here, he is more staring at the table between them so they are in his peripheral vision.

This is also a really strange hand gesture and if I had to guess it is an aborted stim. If it is, it's something he has learned to stop or mask.

The Rolex email: I think the most important thing to notice is the line, "And we believe he will be hockey's most significant ambassador in a generation." What's important about this is that Rolex isn't in any way a sports brand. There is no reason this soon in his career they should be interested in him. Either Yuna is the most talented brand manager ever and/or Shane really is that talented with hockey. Likely a combo of both.

Still signing to Rolex this young, in a sport that isn't that big (it's not international the way soccer(football) is), is a huge deal. I'm not sure what the average brand ambassador for Rolex would make but just with his Reebok and Rolex brand deals along with the eventual pay check of the top MLH player he would never have to worry about money ever again.

Shane also isn’t blowing through money the way some others might but still Yuna pushes him to do more deals when it's clear if you pay attention to him that he isn't interested in this side of the industry.

With how serious he is about hockey he probably doesn’t like anything taking him away from the game. 

Something else to note is that while he gives his mother a few darting glances almost all his eye contact is saved for his father. (If you look at these two gif sets X, X, you can see the clear difference of how he interacts with his parents.) And the only time he does fully focus on his mother is when she is talking about Ilya and then it looks more like he is searching her face for her reaction.

I think David notices how his son is feeling and tries to change the topic in a really tactful way that bridges both conversations by saying, "Is Rolex on Youtube?"

The questions about Youtube also helps date this conversation in a neat way.

Yuna sighs in exasperation at David for changing the topic. And by Yuna saying "I go down those rabbit holes all the time” it is very unlikely David didn't know about Youtube and rabbit holes in the first place so him asking this is to put Shane at ease.

I've seen some people say they think Shane is lying about watching these videos but I think he has genuinely done it and enjoyed it (though it might not be part of why he is late now). He looks too excited about it for me to think otherwise and the way he looks both his parents in the eyes to gauge their interest in the topic is pretty clear to see.

The metaphor of unlikely friends is solely for us, the viewer. It basically says, "This show you're watching is like those videos of unlikely friends."

There is also the snake/baby Ilya/Shane comparison. The kind of snake that would be “friends” with a baby (because most parents hopefully aren't complete idiots) are harmless. Many people would look at the snake and might see something dangerous but it isn't. In fact, that baby while looking innocent is more likely to hurt the snake than the other way around.

There is also the argument of Snake(Sin/Seduction)/Baby (Innocence/chastity). We see Ilya being the sexually experienced partner who parties, drinks, ect. While Shane even once he has had sex is seen as pure/innocent by the public.

Once again this is all for the viewers to read into not the characters. It's a really cool and subtle crack in the fourth wall.

Yuna saying, "What you should be watching are the ones about hockey." Lets us know why Shane is so utterly obsessive in his dedication. Yes I think he does love hockey with his whole heart but the fact that the moment he showed interest in/spent time doing something else he was subtly reminded he should only focus on hockey is a bit of a kick in the teeth.

It's the kind of line that reinforces that all Shane should be is a living breathing hockey machine. It's not overt but because it isn’t it’s the kind of thing that would stick in his head. Next time he starts to go down a rabbit hole, or just watch random Youtube videos he would be reminded of his mom telling him to focus on hockey.

David tries to redirect this by saying, "I think keeping up with that snake and baby sounds pretty important." Just as subtly as Yuna was telling Shane to "Worry about hockey," his father is saying "Your interests are valid, it’s okay to relax."

You can also see the difference in his body language between when he is talking to his dad about Youtube and when his mom starts talking about work (Ilya). You can see the moment Shane tenses as he takes in a breath.

I think a lot of Shane's tension here is that if he could keep his parents from ever even thinking about Ilya he would. He wants his public (and public private(shared with friends and family))and private life to be completely separate. But Ilya is part of both so Shane can't compartmentalize him as easily as he could a random lover.

Yuna implies she is watching Ilya just as closely as Shane, if for vastly different reasons. She saw when he first said he would get 40 goals, when it first happened, and she has also already seen the most recent interview, which is likely pretty new.

David also says she was yelling about Ilya saying he'd get 40 goals. If that was all he said, not even something about Shane, and she was "outraged" as David said it is no wonder Shane keeps his relationship from them for so long.

40 goals would put you in the top 17 rookie seasons in MLH history, 50 would be top 5 and the highest ever was 76 (all four under that were in the 50s). So while Ilya is being cocky it's not like he is saying something completely ridiculous. Especially when we know both Shane and Ilya are that good.

We never get a confirmation of their end of season scores but since Ilya is loosely based off Alexander Ovechkin (who scored 52 his rookie season) it's not too wild to say he also hit that 50 point goal and with Shane winning rookie of the year (and him being at 31 points to Ilya's 28 the one time it is mentioned) it's not too crazy to say Shane made even more.

I say this all because Yuna, by not acknowledging Ilya could be that good (even if he is being cocky about it), in some ways diminishes Shane's skills.

Ilya and Shane are constantly neck and neck (there are hints that overall Shane is just a tad bit better stats wise) and Shane is well aware of this. So if his mother thinks Ilya can't even get 50 let alone 40 what chance does Shane have?

I think Shane would take anything bad said about Ilya's hockey abilities personally. Not because he likes him, though that might be a small part, but because by putting down Ilya's skills people are inadvertently putting down Shane's abilities/achievements too.

And before where he was speaking in multiple sentences he drops down to only 4 words for the rest of the scene and even then it's just "Yeah, he's an asshole."

Despite being uncomfortable here his smile is so fond. I think this is more about their competitive relationship, about having someone to match him, rather than any romantic/sexual feelings he has.

I actually think most of Shane's attraction to Ilya at this point is because of the high he gets when in competition with him. Yes, he thinks Ilya is hot but I bet now that he realizes he likes men if it was just about being hot he would easily find someone safer to be with. No, most of the attraction is because Ilya matches him on the ice in skill and determination.

Back to the song lyrics, What is Shane and his accomplishments if he doesn't have someone to compete against. What's the point of working hard to get better if your going to beat everyone anyways.

Shane is competitive. Now imagine playing a sport at this high a level, being that competitive but having no one to compete against.

I don't think Shane would be able to be with another hockey player if they weren't just as good and dedicated as Shane himself is.

More amazing facial acting from Hudson Williams.

Shane does find this line funny, both for the irony of it but also because it's a wild thing for his mom to say.

But then he processes it. This line isn't actually homophobic (at least to me it isn't) it's off color but it also hits far too close to home.

You can see by how shaky his breath is in the last few frames that he is not doing well. This conversation is only 1.14 long and his emotions have been jerked around a lot already.

He is probably already overwhelmed and they haven't even gotten their food yet (which he may or may not already have a problem with at this point).

Shane is preparing himself to sit here for however long and lie about his thoughts and feelings, listen to his parents (mostly his mom) say bad things about someone he if not likes, then respects, while he can say nothing about it. Have work constantly brought up and expectations reiterated.

What should be an easy meeting with his parents becomes an emotional and mental burden. And his father is the only one who sees the stress. But he also doesn't seem to know how to stop it without causing things to get worse. All he can do is redirect things when he notices them and try to ease the tension with jokes.

The last thing I have to say about this scene is when Yuna says, “I’m sorry, but I said it.” David replies with “Honestly!” and how he says her name before that, If you listen closely, and this could just be me, David’s tone when he says those two words sounds actually upset. 

And I wonder if when David in episode 6 says that they have suspected Shane was gay for a while, if he didn’t already suspect here. If his tone while saying that word was because he was unhappy with Yuna even coming close to making a joke like that. 

We don’t see much of him but David seems way more in tune with Shane’s moods so it wouldn’t surprise me if he already had opinions/thoughts and wanted to be as welcoming as possible. 

Personal Note: I did a poll for if people thought Yuna ordering for Shane is weird here. Most said no. I have personal experience around eating disorders that make this topic very touchy to me so it could be coloring my opinion of this scene greatly. Because of that it also affects how I see Yuna Hollander. If you're curious about why my opinions on this are what they are, you can read the comments of this post that lay most of it out. I've tried to step back from it and see what the majority of the people polled see but I just can't. The best thing I can liken it to that might explain why I have such a big problem with it is someone ordering healthy food for another persons because they think they need to lose weight. They're just helping them to stay on their diet plan. Not the same but it’s the same reason I don’t like what Yuna did.

Master List

Previous Scene

Next Scene

Discussion: Autism

Discussion: Russia

Discussion: Disordered Eating

Everyone knows about the heart monitor reading 81. But did you know!? DID YOU KNOW!?!?

ILYA JOKES ABOUT HOW QUICK SHANE CAME BUT MY PETTY ASS WANTED TO KNOW SO I COUNTED!!! 34!!! 34 THE BOTH OF THEM!!!

Once again this is just my read on the show and any input is more than welcome.

15.58 - 17.13 SEALIONSEALIONSEALION

The first thing I want to talk about in this post is this awesome cover of the song "Sealine Woman" by Nina Simone. The cover is called "Sea Lion Woman" and done by the singer Fiest.

Sealine Woman is a folk song from the 19th century and is a seaport song about sailors and prostitutes. 

It was first recorded by Nina Simone in 1964. It has been sung by Nina and others with many different lyrics and under different names (ceeline woman, sealion woman, see-line woman, see lyin’ woman, she lyin’ woman). But what has been true throughout is that it's about prostitution.

I want to make this a distinct point since I have seen someone argue that it is about a lover away at sea and that links to how Ilya and Shane's relationship is very come and go but this is 100% false.

You can read the lyrics here, the lines about what colors the women are wearing is an indication of what they are offering sexually. You can also read the Fiest lyrics here; they follow the same theme but are very different from the original recordings lyrics.

I think this is why this song fits, we see Shane trying on different clothes and in a way what he wears indicates what he's expecting of this night.

The suit at first is very uptight and reads more as something you would wear on a date but his second choice is much more casual which mirrors Ilya and Shane's relationship. This is just a causal relationship and the clothing he wears mirrors that.

Fiest's version of this song is extremely fast paced and in the show it's mixed very loud. It builds the anxiety of the scene and the fact it starts at the end of the last scene indicates the anxiety starts the moment they cement the plan to meet up.

This song, while might not at first seem to fit this, sounds a little silly (sealionsealionsealion) but if you look at it a bit longer it works perfectly to set the scene.

15.58 - 17.13 Bell of the Ball

This scene starts with Shane standing in front of a mirror while wearing a suit. Something to note here is the lyrics at this moment are "Sea lion woman, Dressed in white, Marry the man and you'll, Spend a long, sweet life." It's both a mockery and a promise.

Shane at this moment is dressed for a date, and traditionally (in Canada and America) men wear suites/tuxedos to weddings. But Shane wearing the "right clothes" here isn't going to get him the happy ending (married). At this point hoping for dating and a committed relationship would just set them both up for failure.

But it is also a promise, if you could wear the right thing, be the right person, take the right actions, maybe this will all end with a happy ending.

This line is on the surface about how ridiculous it is to get this dressed up for a hook up but I also think it's about what the suit represents. Wearing a suit like this would be something you do for a formal date and this, "What are you doing, dude?" could also be about Shane asking himself why he was expecting an occasion that would need such clothes. "What are you doing expecting more from this?"

Next we get Shane sitting in a chair, now in casual clothing and doing his best to stay calm, this part is straight forward. Shane doesn't know what to do to seem like nothing is wrong, that he is relaxed and confident. We also get the repeated Sealion line which while in the song is about prostitutes at this moment I think it is more about performance. Sealions are well known to be trained to perform and I think Shane here is trying to perform casualness. It also feels frantic and anxious just like Shane would be feeling at this moment.

Next we get Ilya in an elevator and this look does not read of a man who is relaxed. It's not as obvious as Shane's nerves but they are still there. So often Ilya seems calm and collected, and I'm sure Shane feels that way but Ilya is just better at masking it.

The moment the elevator does open we see Ilya slip back on his mask. He isn't even about to let a possible stranger see his nervousness.

We also get another really cool mirror shot. Normally a shot at this angle would give us no insight into Ilya's behavior but set up like this we see both Yuna's reaction and Ilya's.

Something to note here is Ilya's laid back posture. So often we see Shane's nervousness shown through his posture so now knowing Ilya doesn't display his the same physically it isn't a stretch to think Shane would also have a hard time noticing Ilya's feelings from physical cues alone.

We get this short scene of Yuna and Ilya and as far as we know this is the only time they "talk" before The Cottage. Already Yuna is stilted in her speech and has formed opinions of Ilya.

Something to remember is this is before all the press around their rivalry and games, before the women and partying and already Yuna is showing mild distaste. It's not surprising considering she probably didn't like Ilya coming in first in the draft or being Shane's destined rival.

Though to her credit she does try to shake his hand but the elevator closes. Kind of a way of saying that any possible good opinion (a handshake like the one that first formed Ilya and Shane's bond) was doomed to fail.

The look on Ilya's face here says it all. It was horrible luck to run into Yuna Hollander, if she had been going to Shane's room or came by later everything would have fallen apart. It's dangerous. But as we know Ilya likes danger. And despite the chance of getting caught he wants Shane more than the risk.

It would have been so easy for him to call it off at this point and if Shane knew that Ilya had run into his mother he would have agreed and probably wouldn't have ever felt safe meeting in a hotel.

Saw a post by @mybeautifuldarktwistedshane and thought it was worth mentioning. Whether Ilya stressed over what to wear to the same degree Shane did is unknown. But what is for sure is that he put some thought into what to wear to present himself to Shane. Ilya does peacock often, both in the gym scene and the shower scene along with many times in the rest of the series.

Master List

Previous Scene

Next Scene

Discussion: Autism

Discussion: Russia

Discussion: Disordered Eating

I haven't had a tumblr in near a decade and this gay hockey show has forced me back here. I have too many thoughts on it and want to share my love of this show. So here I am, Overanalyzing Heated Rivalry.

I'll go scene by scene until I finish the whole show going every little detail. I'll also be posting fan theories and such.

I've watched/read a lot about the show so I might not remember exactly where I first heard an idea so sorry for that now. But I will try to credit.

Anyways, here we go!

Scene Breakdown:

Episode 1 Scene 1 (First Meeting)

Episode 1 Scene 2 (International Prospect)

Episode 1 Scene 3 (Draft)

Episode 1 Scene 4 (Gym)

Episode 1 Scene 5 (New Years Phone Call)

Episode 1 Scene 6 (International Prospect pt.2)

Episode 1 Scene 7 (CCM AD)

Episode 1 Scene 8 (Shower)

Episode 1 Scene 9 (Sealion)

Episode 1 Scene 10 (1410)

Episode 1 Scene 11 (Right Up the Butt)

Episode 1 Scene 12 (Rookie Season Face-Off and French Interview)

Episode 1 Scene 13 (All-Stars Assemble)

Discussion:

Autism

Russia

Disordered Eating