#mygapyear

March 25, 2018

The remainder of the week consisted of more English lessons, which went pretty well, a quick few hours of assisting with building the wall, and a bit of painting as well. And you can bet your bottom dollar that I painted my hands and legs with oil-based paint. I don’t feel like I did much all week. Maybe it’s because it wasn’t, for the most part, manual labour, or maybe I was trying to compare it to the mission trips where there’s a family-like community and we are always doing devotion. I feel a bit disappointed by the project-- there’s not as much volunteering as there was in Sri Lanka and I don’t feel as mixed into the culture. Even though I’m surrounded by other participants, I feel more lonely. I think that it’s because I haven’t found someone goofy like Corrina and Michelle. But I need to find a way to stop living in the past or future and just be present.

Yesterday, I went to the Bangkok Art and Culture Center with Pinky, which was really nice. More contemporary. Then we had lunch and walked around the malls… I had this desert, “I Lava Thai Tea” which was super tasty, we watched Pacific Rim 2, met up with Hannah (another girl from Germany) at the Unicorn Cafe for some hot chocolate-- a magical place it was-- then Hannah and I went to JJ Green-- a vintage night market-- which was fun to walk around. I wanted to buy so many things, but I resisted.

Friday night, Hannah and I went to the Pat Pong night market, which was an adventure to say the least. Never before had I been to a Red Light District and now I know not to go back. It was both funny and uncomfortable. “Looky looky” and “ping pong porn show” were said to us many times. We had some mango sticky rice after avoiding the creepy advertisers, and of course some Thai tea (number nine) and decided we had stayed for enough time. Before leaving, I bought two necklaces for seven-hundred baht. I talked the price down and I think I’m getting better at bartering, but not much.

Mom is on her way to the hostel now with Marijo and I cannot wait to see her. Talking over the phone just isn’t the same. And I really want some comfort from home. I think my funk is from not living and appreciating the present, and I think mom will help with that. I love my mommy. She’s such a great and silly and loving person. It’s getting hard being away. I’m afraid that I’ll feel even more homesick after she leaves-- as I’m already nervous for Nepal and India-- but I don’t want to tell her that. I feel a bit like crying, at ten in the morning in the cafe of this hostel. I think it’s because I miss my friends and I’m exhausted by small talk, so mom should help with that. I hate being in funks. Looking forward to the week ahead.

December 7, 2017

Most of my time in California was spent working, wasted, or wishing for home. My questions consisted of why I embarked on this trip, why I did not stay home, why I burdened myself with a move of a mere three months. Yes, I was saving money for my trip, but that could have easily been done anywhere. There were a few weeks of homesickness and countdowns when God answered my questions. I was here for him. To regrow in my faith. Something that would most likely not have occured in Sycamore. Though I am not where I could be, nor do I ever believe I will, but I am growing. And there is beauty in the bloom.

Thanks to a coworker and now friend, I was introduced to a church service for the younger generation– Upper Room. It was that night where I was reminded of the joy that comes from worshipping God and learning of his love. This was also the night I was introduced to another friend who went on to invite me to his bible study. These simple events have re-ignited my relationship with God, blessed me with a group of people to grow and share laughs with, and brought me to a cozy coffee shop to write this in. (Thanks Ben and Andre)

I am no longer homesick, only excited to see friends and family. This past month I have learned that home is not a place. Though it can be found there, it is not located in Sycamore, Illinois. But rather anywhere with an admirable group of people whom you share the good news of God with. Twelve days from now I will be in a plane, finishing this adventure. But I have already returned home, and what a comfort it is to know this is in the arms of God.

October 21, 2017

October 24,2017

While this journey I am on is a once in a lifetime opportunity, it may appear greater than it truly is. The reality of my Gap Year thus far has consisted of working fifty-plus hours a week at minimum wage jobs, doubting myself, and trying to create a fantasy. This whole time I have been struggling to be present. To appreciate this blessing. To grow in my relationship with God so I may truly live in His creation and serve Him by serving others; not by serving my ego.

As I continue through this Gap Year, I ask for prayers of my personal growth. That I may learn patience and presence and acceptance and to go through experiences with a humble heart. I know these are the flaws God has given me to overcome so I may better serve Him. But I’m afraid that come January, I will be on a plane leaving for another continent and I will be the same person that I am now. That I will not grow in my faith. Please pray for my growth.

As hard as it is to admit my flaws, I know that growth is meant to be a journey taken with the help of loved ones. If there is anything that you feel weighing on your heart, please feel free to message me. That’s what friends are for! Thank you all for the support through this journey of mine!

October 24, 2017

When I moved to California, I had no job lined up, I simply left and took a leap of faith. So when I arrived and was given a job three days later, it is easy to guess that I was surprised. But also reassured that this path was the one I was destined to be on. God was going to take care of me.

Less than a week after landing this first job, I had an interview at a family-owned farm-- similar to Jonomac Apple Orchard. They gave me a call a day later and offered me a postiion. At this time, my thoughts became selfish. I began thinking of how much extra money I would be making to spend on myself. On ridiculous things I would never need, and only wanted because I would have the means to purchase them. An expensive camera. New clothes. All of the things that would contradict my belief in minimalism. Yet these were where my thoughts lay.

However, as my last at this seasonal job has approached, God has shown me the reason He provided me with this job. So that I may find more family out in California. A family in my coworkers. Where everyone is friendly and helpful-- making it easy to be myself. I am working in a place where I can interact with travelers from across the globe, where I can learn endless information about organic fruit from my bosses; where puns are not only accepted, but are actually laughed at; where I am greeted with genuine smiles and excitement every day. This is a company where a boss speaks seven languages, including fluent Mandarin, and has “traveled across China looking for exotic fruit” that turned out to be a watermelon-tasting berry. This is a job that I am excited to drive to in the mornings, and it is not only because I can watch the early morning sun shine on the mountains ahead of me.

When I was hired to be a tour guide in the beginning of October, I did not see God’s plan. His plan to show me what it is like to work at a place you love to spend your time at, and to do something that invokes passion within you. He has shown me that it is possible to join a family at work. Whether I am hired on full time or complete my time at Murray Family Farms come October 31st, I will always be grateful for this learning experience. God has placed me somewhere where I can watch a butterfly be released from the warmth of a child’s hands, where a shy little girl can be coaxed up on stage to sing karaoke, and where I can watch the sun set behind the mountains from a pumpkin patch-- sprinkled with sunflowers-- laughing alongside my coworkers.  

September 16, 2017

Four days after moving to California, we took a day trip up north to Yosemite National Park. The weather was beautiful, and the nature could neither be described justly by words nor pictures, only by the eyes. Sadly it would take at least a week and rock climbing experience to see the whole park, but here are some of the spots we were able to see. I climbed up to two of the waterfalls, making it only halfway up to the larger one and all the way up to the smaller one-- where I was rewarded with a lovely, cold pond and friendly people. Though I wish I had been more focused on living in the moment that day, I am still thankful that God has gifted us with something as wonderful as nature. And this has been among the most beautiful I have laid my eyes and feet on. 

It has always been instilled in me that I would graduate high school and go onto college, get a job, have a family-- just like everyone else. But I know that I am unlike anyone else. I am a unique individual, as we all are, yet I was preparing to live a cookie-cutter life. 

As senior year approached, my overactive, over-calculative, and more than hopeful mind was planning on attending school at Belmont University. I was blessed enough to have the opportunity to use a tuition-exchange program through my dad’s job. This would mean removing the hefty cost of tuition from my worry-- something many people are unable to do. However, the particular year I was planning on beginning college, the tuition exchange program was unavailable to me. Needless to say, I was not prepared to pay the extensive price tag on the school of my dreams. The only option left was for me to attend North Central College-- where my dad worked. The benefit of free tuition applied to this school without the added factor of tuition exchange. It was as simple as accepting their offer. However, with a broken heart, I wasn’t prepared to settle. To attend a school where my dad was working, my brother was attending, and that I had spent a portion of my childhood growing up around.

I wanted something different. Something that nobody else was going to experience. And my mom understood that. She suggested the idea of taking a year off and trying again the following year for the tuition exchange program. This scared me. I had to accept that I wouldn’t be leaving for college the following fall with all of my friends. That I would actually have to put in effort and take a leap of faith in order to experience something unique. So began the lengthy process of accepting my options. I would either settle or leave my comfort zone for a future I had not planned for. After weeks of resisting my new fate, my mom finally convinced me to take a gap year. 

We attended a gap year fair at the end of January and I began letting myself getting excited about something again. But there was still a lot of work to be done, and now, ten months later, there is still work to be done. After researching many gap year companies, one stood out-- GapForce. My mom had recognized it from a program that someone in my class was taking part in-- and seemed to be having the time of her life in. Though I was drawn to a few programs this company had to offer, they weren’t enough. So I found another very similar one-- The Leap. My final decision was to combine programs from both companies so I could have a unique and challenging experience... one that I could, or would, be able to afford. 

It wasn’t until June that I would register. In order to finance this trip, I would use money from my college fund. But that wouldn’t cover even half of the expenses to come. I would have to save $10,000 on my own. Thus began the job hunt. After applying to a few places, Blumen Gardens in Sycamore hired me on as a grounds employee. With this job and another lined up for the summer at Voluntary Action Center, I was preparing to graduate and begin working seven days a week for three months. I ended up working about 54 hours a week by August. Even those extensive hours would not provide me with all of the money I would need to embark on this trip. 

Stress was coming at me from all angles. But God still had my best interest in mind. He gave me beyond-gracious and kind relatives who began offering me the opportunity to live with them in the fall. If I took their offer, I would be able to live somewhere new-- to avoid feeling left out while all my friends went off to school-- have more independence to prepare myself for my big trip,and have the opportunity to work. My adventure began three weeks ago when I flew out to Bakersfield, California with my aunt and uncle-- where I will be living and working until December 19. (Hi uncle Doug and Janice if you’re reading this, and thanks again for this great opportunity and for being so giving). Since then, I have picked up two jobs and have simply been trying to keep myself focused on my goal.

Since the beginning, there have been a few tweeks made to my plans, but now everything is finally set in stone. I will return home to Sycamore on December 19 and enjoy a few weeks with my family before I embark on my trip to Southeast Asia. 

Come January 29, I will be in Sri Lanka for five weeks volunteering at an orphanage through The Leap. Then I will hop over to Thailand for five weeks-- through GapForce-- where I will be immersing myself in their culture, working at an elephant sanctuary, volunteering at another orphanage, cleaning up beaches, and then spending another week at the elephant sanctuary (because who wouldn’t want to spend more time with the most wonderful animal on the planet?). The end of this program will bring me to a program in India and Nepal beginning April 4th, also with GapForce. It will focus heavily on cultural immersion, but we will also be teaching monks English, working at orphanages, visiting religious temples, and spending a week doing a Mount Everest Base Camp trek. After eight weeks with this program, I will embark on my last trip with The Leap. I will fly back to Nepal for two weeks where I will be apart of disaster relief efforts and live with other volunteers. Six months after I return home from California, I will be returning home from Asia, on June 19th.

This year has many experiences, which may not all be good, in store for me, and whatever happens will all come from God. This is the simple fact that began my journey. My faith that His plan will not harm me, but will only help me grow. 

If you would like to join me on my adventure, make sure to check back for updates! Though I will try my hardest to post as much as possible on here, I have absolutely no idea what the internet connection will be like in Asia. Until then, I’ll be posting regular updates of my life here in California. Thank you all for your interest and your support.