#myemily

#myemily (at Al Qudra Desert Camping) https://www.instagram.com/p/CBaKbN1J-sX/?igshid=12bbo5ts6l7yq

This post is going to be a little bit more personal, I've had a lot on my mind and I've been thinking about this letter for a while, it explains so much of why I am the way I am! The girl I sent this to didn't understand and this was the beginning of the end of our brief "relationship." It hurt me a lot and I'm still baffled , but what else can be done when it's all already over. This past month has probably been my most miserable unhealthy relationship ever and I've gotten rid of EVERYTHING about her, or anything I made for her, all except this, so this is the end, the end of "My Emily." Emily, none of this may make any since to you, as these are my feelings and my fears. I have lived a solitary life for the majority of my adolescence and I’ve never let anyone in. People know who I am; they know my humor, my charm, and my whit. They understand my exterior and they see the small parts of me I allow them to see. No one has ever truly deserved to see me at my fullest, my best. I put barriers between myself and everyone I come in contact with, you included. I’m so sorry I am not willing to set my fears aside and let you inside my head; it’s my only protection. My intentions have never been to lead you on or to hurt you, believe me hurting you is the last thing I’d ever want to do. You’ve had my full attention for the past two weeks and I guess it’s all finally catching up to me. I’m not ready to give you the capability of hurting me. My walls are high and it’s going to take some time for me to let them come down. I don’t want you to get too attached and I’m not trying to get your hopes up just in case I’m not ready for this. In all honesty it all sounds kind of selfish, but it’s all I can do to prevent myself from getting hurt. We are both unstable and we both have good intentions, but the unknown is too vast for me at this point. I have expectations even though I’m not even too sure of exactly what I want. I’m looking for someone to make happy whilst making me happy. I need random acts of kindness. I want flowers, cute dates, and road trips. I see potential in all of you, but with that there are also things I’m not too sure of. I don’t want to hear about a guy checking you out, I don’t want to know that no one wants to have sex with you, I don’t want you to be unsatisfied. There are a lot of things you may want that I may not be able to provide and at the same time I want to know what peeves you, I want to know what you like, and what you look forward to. I am a very straightforward person and sometime my words aren’t as tender as they should be. I will tell you when I don’t like something, not to tell you that you aren’t good enough but so you can try not to do it again! I have a lot to say but at this point I feel like this is a good closing and it will help you understand a little bit more of what’s going on inside my head.

This was my Mom's chair at her kitchen table. The first thing I would see when I walked into her house was her sitting at her kitchen table reading. How I wish I could see her there one more time. I walk in now and see her no more. 😔😔😔 I miss you Mom. xoxo 💕 #heartbroken #love #mom #missingyou #myemily #mywherehausmourning

"Stop being so dramatic. I just came in for lunch. It's not like I did anything truly terrifying like telling you that buttcrack-bearing jeans have gone out of style."

Always.