#mycommentary

(i) The Origin

I’ve had this work in my WIPs since, believe it or not, January of this year. I’ve had this idea for so, so long. I wrote it intermittently throughout this year, with a scene or two in September, then October. 

Due to my exams, though, I couldn’t write as much as I wanted to. That’s why I only really started writing ‘an odyssey’ back in mid-November. The good thing was that I had more time to plan this out, because frankly, this is perhaps the heaviest fic I’ve written in terms of plot so far. 

I can’t for the life of me remember where this story idea planted itself in my head. All I knew was that I like space AUs, I adore Hyunjin and Jisung’s friendship, and I love enemies to lovers. Realising there weren’t any fics out there that combined the three, I knew it was my time to shine. Or something. 

(ii) The Plot

The plot was the trickiest to pull off. I’ve written an urban fantasy here and there, but I’m pretty sure if I reread them thoroughly, I’m bound to find a couple of plot holes. 

There were a lot of elements to cover: the Prophecy. The five gems. The push-pull relationship between Jisung and Hyunjin. The journey to discovering the whereabouts of the last Gemma. The last boss fight with a Governor who could wield the Force. There was!!!! So!!!! Much!!!! Going!!!! On!!!!!

Perhaps if I reread ‘an odyssey’, I might find another plot hole or two; who knows? For now, though, I feel quite contented with this work of mine. Considering it’s my first time writing something as long as this (50K+ are you kidding me?), I feel this is a first step for me to continue expanding my horizons when it comes to writing, to continue to challenge myself to write something different, something bold. Something new.

(iii) The Characters

I rewatched the Two Kids Room and One Kid Room episodes so many times, over and over again. There’s a reason why this story is centred around Jisung and Hyunjin, and why it’s written from Jisung’s perspective.

Their relationship is, after all, something coherently interesting. They really said “enemies to friends but make it irl”. I guess I took that concept and sort of exaggerated the extent of their ‘hate’ for each other, which isn’t exactly hate to begin with. The further you read on, the more you’ll realise that they don’t exactly hate each other — they just got off on the wrong footing, and have never tried turning back to start over once more.

It’s written from Jisung’s perspective because personally, I wanted the story to be told from the eyes of someone who was prideful, who was eager and determined, and who wanted to show his worth to everyone else. I feel like perhaps I didn’t expand on characterising Jisung to the fullest advantage possible, though, which remains a slight regret of mine. 

Another reason why I wanted this to be written from Jisung’s POV is because we can find out how Jisung feels about Hyunjin throughout the story. When he realises whose son Hyunjin is, he’s torn between wanting to pity Hyunjin and keeping things between them the same as they always have. (If I were in his position, though, I don’t know what I would have done lol.) It was hard to try and interpret his emotions, but there’s that.

Someone commented once asking if we’d ever get Hyunjin’s POV. Sadly, one of my biggest turn-offs is the switching of POVs in stories when it’s not entirely necessary haha. As much as I would want to know what Hyunjin is thinking when they’re arguing, or when they’re fighting, I like to keep on the suspension line. It gives you the feeling of immersing yourself as the Jisung in the story, of only seeing things from one perspective. 

As for the other characters, there wasn’t enough time to expand on all of them (for example, I mentioned Seungmin several times throughout the story, but really, he speaks only once haha). And as your fellow StayDay, it was definitely fun for me to include a few members of Day6. (please don’t ask me why I thought of ‘PJ and Honey’ while writing. I was probably hungry.)

I don’t know if I’ll continue to expand on the characters in this same universe, but it would be fun to think of the other relationships, for example Chan and Felix, or Changbin with Minho and Seungmin. (someone please save the seungbinho tag!!!!!!)

As far as characterisation goes, I’ve still got so much to learn. For now, though, I hope you enjoyed the dynamics between the characters and how Jisung and Hyunjin learnt to grow within a span of six chapters.

(iv) The Writing Process

Granted, the writing bit was a little easier in the beginning, but as I delved myself deeper into the story, I found it harder and harder to express the emotions I wanted to deliver in the story. One of the hardest chapters for me to write by far was the last chapter. I wrote two versions of the last chapter, simply because I felt the first version was too lacklustre for the ending of such a long story haha.

I had a clear outline of my story, but I did end up extending it from the initial 5 chapters to 6. For the first time, though, I didn’t add any random elements to the story, unlike how i wrote this story last year haha. The lesson I’ve learnt is that I should ALWAYS have a brief outline of the plot — detailed enough to cover the entire story, but brief enough to give me some creative freedom mid-writing.

The excitement of writing honestly wore off near the last few chapters. I’ve realised the importance of reading unfinished works in this way. Writers really need some form of motivation to keep them writing their chaptered works. So if you’re one of the real ones who started reading this even before it was completed, kudos to you. I really appreciate it.

Overall, writing this was fun. Hopefully I don’t need to do this again though; I absolutely hate writing chaptered fics because of all the time and effort put into them. I’d much rather be a ‘One-Shot Hotshot’ lol.

(v) The End (?)

I left a bit of wondering for the readers in the last chapter. If Atkins was able to wield the Force despite the false pretence that there was no longer any Force-wielders left in the universe, how many more of them could there be? 

That leaves an opening for me if I ever wish to return to this alternate universe sometime in the future. The Universe is ever-expanding, and so is our imagination.

(vi) The Inspiration

Obviously, I need to thank Star Wars. I also need to apologise because I absolutely butchered their universe. Fun fact: there was one huge plot hole I had to cover up halfway through writing. 

If you’re observant, you might remember the scene where Hyunjin asks Jisung why they didn’t just jump into hyperspace to reach Ilsanis. That’s because I was watching an episode of The Mandalorian where the Mando was forced to fly a ship without a hyperdrive engine, and I almost freaked out right there in the middle of the living room realising how weird that would be if I left the issue unattended in my own work (yikes). 

Long story short, I drew elements from the Star Wars universe and created a story of my own. I’ve been asked how I came up with the idea of the Prophecy. Frankly, I don’t know. My brain farts sometimes, I guess. Brain Farts = weird ideas that somehow make sense sometimes.

(vii) Lastly

If you have any more questions you’d like to ask (or plot holes to tell me about *shudders*), do leave me a question in my CC, or holler at me on Twitter (I’m hardly alive here on Tumblr haha). To anyone and everyone who has read ‘an odyssey’, I thank you.

This year has been a funky year, and even worse, it’s the year I had to take my IGCSEs. Writing has always been a way for me to create my own universe and release my tension and emotions, so not being able to write as much as I used to was a little tough. 

Writing will continue to be a medium for me to express my emotions and my thoughts while creating stories of my own, so simply by giving my fics a read, you’ve already fuelled my reason to continue to write. Thank you for all the support in ‘an odyssey’! 

Characters: 2/5

A little less than halfway though the story, every character is put through a hallucinogenic test by the Harlequins. This test probes at each person’s weakness, which they’ll need to pass for their upcoming quest. The Harlequin Shadowseer prophesised that one would fail their test, and this is foreshadowed to be the Visarch who saw the bloody hand of Khaine, which is a symbol for betrayal. This ‘betrayal’ comes near the end of the book where the Ynnari find Eldanesh’s tomb, where the Warshard of Khaine Guards. The Warshards radiates an aura of bloodthirsty madness, which affects almost all the Ynnari army, including the Visarch. But like, there are hundreds of other Eldar present? Was this really a betrayal if the Visarch was forced, and also wasn’t the only one? Also, nothing amounts to this, the Visarch’s character doesn’t learn anything, other than the fact he lacks the same incredible willpower as the other major characters. All he does is momentarily attack Yvraine for bit. They lose nothing, learn nothing, develop nothing.

As for the Autarch Meliniel, in his test he saw Biel-Tan fall and he had to act but couldn’t do anything. Then when facing the Warshard, he resisted the urges and fought the shard of Khaine. As a reward, he gains the ability to turn into an Avatar of Khaine… despite the fact that a wraithlord also fought the Warshard, Iyanna crippled it by throwing her spear into its neck, and Yvraine did the finishing blow. But yay Meliniel? I have no idea how this relates to his test, or why Khaine would reward an Eldar for resisting him. Wouldn’t Khaine reward an Eldar for giving into their bloody urges? Also, Meliniel does very little of importance throughout the book. His defining moment is leading a couple squads of Eldar against some Genestealer cultists and being forced to flee. Yay for Biel-Tan’s greatest Autarch. Overall, like the Visarch, his personality doesn’t change, he learns nothing, and his character isn’t developed.

Now for Iyanna, she is the best character in this book, and the reason why I give the Characters section 2/5 instead of 1/5. If she were to be the main character, I’d give 2.5/5, but she wasn’t, and her underused role doesn’t make up for everything else. Unlike other characters Iyanna has an actual character arc. She has emotional vulnerability, and an actual character flaw. After loosing her family, she has become incredibly isolated and lonely, yet she won’t admit that to herself. She doesn’t want to face her sadness. This leads to her trusting people she shouldn’t, because she yearns for a new family, a new home. In this book she faces the hurtful truth and accepts the feelings she’s been hiding, she realises that she has a home/family with the Ynnari. This also aligns with the Harlequin’s test she faced earlier, so her story is more coherent than say Meliniel’s. I feel like her story could have been done better, it’s not perfect, but in comparison, Iyanna is so much more interesting than every other character in this book.

And now for Yvraine herself. I actually have a lot to say after thinking about this for a bit, so I’m going to put my thoughts about Yvraine/the Ynnari in a separate post. In short for this review, Yvraine lacks personality, an adequate character arc, she lacks chemistry with the antagonist, and she lacks emotionally investment or impact on the reader. Yvraine was present in this story, that’s it, great, but I honestly wish this entire book had been set through Iyanna’s eyes, because Yvraine’s perspective doesn’t add anything and the page space could have been better spent on Iyanna.

Finally, special mention to Iyasta and Telathaus, Azkahr, and Idraesci Dreamspear, for also being in the book, and having very little purpose whatsoever. I almost forgot they existed. As for the antagonist characters, they work well with Iyanna, Sydari was threatening/intimidating and a good foil for her. Yet they don’t really work well with the rest of the cast. The Warshard was important for the Visarch and Meliniel but wasted on Yvraine and the rest, and overall felt tacked on to the end of the book.

Plot: 2/5

The story of this book is better than Fractures of Biel-Tan, yet I still have some major gripes. My first one was that nothing was really gained. Iyanna’s character was grown and developed, Meliniel got the power to transform into Khaine, but that wasn’t the point. The original goals were to find the fifth Cronesword, and to form an alliance between Iyanden and this new Craftworld. Neither was accomplished. Iyanna reconnecting with her family and getting closure was great and all but it wasn’t on the agenda of the Ynnari’s goals, and this book is meant to be about the Ynnari.

This book suffers from the same problem that so many Eldar books do, it doesn’t seem to understand what its audience wants. The only people reading this are fans of Eldar, so a story that feature two groups of Eldar killing each other isn’t great. A bunch of Eldar die in this, as if they don’t die enough already when they’re the antagonists. Like seriously, there’s a squad of Howling Banshees in this book that did very little and could have nearly survived, but just had to die at the end, because we can’t have an Eldar book without an obligatory Banshee killing.

Like this book kills the Avatar of Khaine twice. TWICE! The first one gets corrupted by Genestealers, and the second one is said to be the greatest shard of Khaine ever, and it stills dies. Like BL now has to get creative with how humiliating they kill off Khaine. I swear they’ll make Khaine die of childbirth before they let him be cool. The fact that this mystical manifestation of the concept of murder and strife is now some toy that Meliniel can activate with the push of a button is even more humiliating. Making Khaine serve Ynnead is also degrading.

Additionally, the whole point of getting Iyanden’s Ghost Warriors to go with the Ynnari was pointless, as was the conflict of getting the noble houses to rally their warriors. In terms of worldbuilding and showing their culture it was fine, but the book could have easily been rewritten to not include them. The Ghost Warriors only show up for one battle near the end, but it’s so one sided, that you could have easily changed it so that the Ynnari won on their own. Iyanna tagging along was fine, but how many pages were wasted on the politics of Iyanden, when it ultimately didn’t go anywhere? Too many characters had plotlines that didn’t go anywhere, too much time was spent worldbuilding things that didn’t matter to this story, just too much stuff could have been cut out in general.

Structure: 2.5/5

Again, this book is better than say ‘Fracture of Biel-Tan’, but it’s not great. It’s more coherent/straightforward, the descriptions of things and locations were good, dialogue was fine, but the pacing was a little weird. They don’t reach Zaisuthra until halfway through the book, despite being the main focus, and the plotlines that go nowhere don’t help. The battle between the Ynnari and the Zaisuthrans is also incredibly short and is glossed over too much for my liking. I just feel unsure what this book was trying to showcase. If this book was exploring Iyanden or Iyanna than so many chapters feel pointless. If Yvraine was to be the main focus than why was so much time spent elsewhere. Meliniel feels like he should be a major character, yet he has such a small presence, and none of his scenes seem connected to his final test against the Warshard.

I mean this book is called Ghost Warrior, but it features them so little. Spiritseer would have been a batter choice in my opinion. I just feel like this book was messy, and the overall story would have been so much more concise if it wasn’t trying to show all these characters/worlds, without actually putting the time in to do them properly.

Yet my worst complain has to be the second person intro. I really didn’t like the introduction to this book that spoke directly to me the reader. I want to escape into this fictional world, not have a conversation with the author. When it talks about tales too complex to retell here, or asks if I would doubt the reliability of the narrator, it just annoys me. I don’t need to be told “we join Yvraine in the garden of Nurgle”, just show me it. Another striking moment was when the Ynnari landed on Zaisuthra, and the book basically said “imagine that there was suitable festivities because I can’t be bothered describing it”. Like, this book’s structure is fine, acceptable, but it’s nothing to write home about.

Miscellaneous: 2.5/5

Although I complained about the worldbuilding not feeling like it belonged in this story, or dragged down the pacing, it was good. I liked the snippets of lore we get from this book, I like the portrayal of Iyanden and Zaisuthra. I really don’t like the entire plotline of the Warshard however, I wish it didn’t exist, and I’m not looking forwards to seeing that in other books.

However, this book also added questions to things I thought I understood before, and that’s not good. Although I’m still going to mark it off against this book for complicating a matter that wasn’t complicated before, I’d like someone to answer this for me, do the Eldar still worship their gods? Specifically Craftworld Eldar here, because this book pointed out how strange it was for the Zaisuthran’s to still be worshipping the “Old Gods” like Asuryan, Isha, or Vaul. Yet they don’t worship Cegorach apparently? I know they wouldn’t worship Ynnead because he’s so new, but I’m now confused as to who worships what. Like Iyanna thinks the Gods abandoned them in the War of Heaven, and the Ynnari don’t care when destroyed Zaisuthra about crushed the monuments to dead gods. Yet is Craftworld Iybraesil and Yme-Loc not dedicated to Morai-Heg and Vaul respectively?

I’m so confused. I enjoy the little bits of worldbuilding in this book, but the Warshard and perhaps this… I just… if GW has made the Craftworld Eldar atheists, I’m going to be so pissed.

Conclusion:

Let’s start with our QUEEN HINA. The hotel still blows up. No matter what, I strongly believe that needs to happen. It’s the removal of their last bastion. But this time, they plan it a LOT BETTER. The day the military academy is attacked, Hina is out there in the streets shooting up the Japanese troops like a BOSS. As she heads home, she spies a familiar body among the dead. It’s Guidan. She feels a pang of regret. After all, they were close for a time, even with the betrayal. And no one deserves to die on the streets. Hina starts to turn away but then she gets an idea. 

She hires a rickshaw driver to take Guidan’s body and heads to the pawn shop to buy explosives. As she leaves, Ae Shin drops down from the rooftop. She’d overheard Hina’s request and offers to help. With both their mighty brains at work, they manage to get all the troops good and wasted and the employees far away with enough time for BOTH OF THEM to make a run for it. The hotel explodes in flames. Several bodies are found the next morning, including an unidentifiable woman’s corpse in what used to be the hotel owner’s room. The only thing they could make out were the red shoes on the corpse, tailor made for Kudo Hina just a week before the explosion. 

The chief of police is still a spineless, incompetent weasel so he accepts the corpse as Kudo Hina. The king still receives Hina’s letter from Sumi. And so “Kudo Hina” still takes the blame for attacking the Japanese troops and her name is dragged through the mud. Meanwhile, “Lee Yang Hwa” is long gone. AS put her in contact with some RA members heading east, towards the coast. There she adopts a new name, Mae Hwa. She purchases a humble home for herself and spends her time at the orphanage across town. Her home becomes an occasional base for RA members laying low in between missions or waiting for the next boat out of Joseon. It’s a modest life. She makes jewelry and paints, and sells them on the side. She never does meet a nice man. But she’s often visited by a surly looking pirate wearing dark robes with flowing sleeves. 

DONG MAE: He stops being so damn ready to die. After he saves AS in Japan, she still tells him to be back in Joseon in three months to receive the money from her. DM still says “And just like that you give me hope,” but get this - HE DOESNT LOOK FREAKING MISERABLE AT THE THOUGHT. And when Ae Shin leaves with the court ladies, he DOESNT walk in plain sight on the beach for all to see/capture. Instead, he goes back to the shadows. It’s easier than he thought. But rather than making him feel like this is where he belongs, it makes him realize just how far he’s come. He can adapt to this world but it does not define him. He lives pitifully for a while. The Mushin Society is still after him so he can’t do much in the open. But he has some allies here who still owe him a favor. They’re able to get him out of Japan via boat. Though the ride is more miserable than when he first traveled to Japan. 

He arrives in Jemulpo’s harbor. Beaten, hungry, and pale...but alive. He makes his way to the temple. He’s not sure why. Just a feeling. The same badass nun is there but she receives him warmly this time. AS told her what DM had done for the rebels and so the nun allows DM to recuperate there. They explain his presence as a monk in training. He adopts the name Haneul. 

AS drops in one day with a letter from Manchuria. Yujo and Hotaru are doing well. They started a little tea shop where Hotaru reads tarot cards for customers. The shop does really well but with 20 mouths to feed, they had to find other jobs for the boys. Most of them found honest work in farming, fishing, mining. A few started up a collection agency. They send him good fortune and a wish to see him again some day. DM smiles before burning the letter. Knowing they are safe eases the burden on his heart. 

By day, he helps lead visitors across the temple grounds, preserving the last remnants of Joseon Buddhist culture. By night, he helps to train new RA members in the cover of the forest. It started with a request from AS. She wanted to learn how to handle knives and swords, in case she ever found herself without a gun. She was good. But DM was still better. And AS knew him well enough at this point to know that he would need a purpose, to keep him going. So she asks him to train the new recruits. And whaddaya know? Within months, they see better success rates on their missions and raids.

HEE SUNG lives. PERIOD. END OF DISCUSSION. 

When the hotel blows up, and he thinks he lost his friend HINA on top of everything else, he’s devastated. But it just makes him more determined to expose the Japanese’ cruelty. He’s brought in to the police station for questioning. He’s beaten up real bad but makes it out alive with a major bribe from dad. SEAMSTRESS and mom fuss over him till he recovers. Then, he sets out again to uncover the truth, but this time it puts his family in danger. And it scares him enough to consider stopping. But he knows his soul would never be able to bear the guilt if he turned away now. 

So he becomes smarter about his printings. Thankfully, both the chief of police and the Japanese minister who were catching on to him end up dead. The first was rumored to be murdered by a dark shadow reeking of incense and dirt. The second was shot from across the market square by some masked figure, leaping from rooftop to rooftop. Free of suspicions now, HS goes back to playing the rich noble fool by day. While he and FEMALE JOURNALIST (cause KES can’t be bothered to give her side characters some names???) operate an underground printing press. HS makes extra copies of everything. Burying it in multiple locations so that their history and deeds are never forgotten. 

When AS comes to him asking for funds to purchase train tickets or gun powder and bullets, he gives it to her, no questions asked. Coincidentally, these funds come from the Japanese government; rent money on the multiple properties the Residency General leased out from the Kim family. 

He never quite falls for the SEAMSTRESS and she understands that his affection for her is just that. She’s grateful that he’s extended his protection to her family and works with him to collect evidence of the rebels and the Joseon people and their fight against Japan. But the little brother really grows on him. He convinces his parents to adopt him as a Kim, to have him be the one to carry on the family name. The ticking clock still haunts him. He’s not sure the Kim blood should be passed on. But if the Kim name can save just one more person, he’ll suffer as many tick ticks as it takes. 

Eventually, he and Mae Hwa are reunited. He bursts into tears and she apologizes for not being able to tell him the plan. He kisses her in relief and thanks her for staying alive. They share a smoke and talk about the good old days. They wonder about their favorite swordsman and that annoying foreigner. They talk about all the trouble blackbird has been up to. And make plans to meet up, another day, in the far future, for pool and drinks. It takes some time for this to happen again. But when it does, the swordsman, the American, and the blackbird are there too. HS kisses DM/Haneul just because and hugs AS tightly. EG gets a pat on the back. And that’s when he suggests a photo, to commemorate this moment, CAUSE NEVER BEFORE HAVE THEY CONVERGED IN ONE SPOT BEFORE. 

EUGENE...He spends some time following around the RA, protecting AS on and between missions. But he sticks out like a sore thumb despite his best efforts and is forced to go into hiding numerous times. Eventually, he has to call on Kyle to get him out of Joseon. His face was exposed on a mission and since he was dishonorably discharged, he can’t call on the embassy for help. He ends up back in America and runs into Ahn Chang Ho again. EG makes use of his old military connections and language skills to spread word of Joseon’s struggle. They make it back to Joseon a couple more times but never for very long as they both become very high profile activists.