#my.fav

I can’t believe it's the end of the month. 

Also, I almost forgot why 11/23 was a significant day in my life. 

Now we had all 24 with the pressure to living a secret only a few know. I made fun of him for coming outside in white pants. he was ON BRAND as he is a beautiful eyed Jamaican. he had a cup of Henny in his hand and Cheshire cat smile. I was physically incapable of not smiling as he spoke. Ignoring the fact I was fresh off having a anxiety episode waiting outside for him. We struggled to smoothly hold hands. I took that as a sign for some reason. when we saw his brother–who has a good reason to hate me–I put on some glasses to disguise myself & it worked. We laughed. oh we laughed. he griped about the cold weather and rubbed his hands like birdman. booking the hotel was almost our first fight bc he can’t figure out how tax works. he lit up in the room that already has the bed smelling like an ashtray. “I’m gonna quit soon tho.” I smiled politely bc I don’t believe him. we drank. stripped. sucked. fucked. kissed. hugged. cuddled. fucked some more. we made phone calls bc the night was young. it’s only 6 o'clock. it’s merely 730 . it’s 9 now. I passed out before 10. thanks tequila. I woke back up at 4. Waffle House of course. only this time they weren’t serving waffles and I didn’t ask for extra bacon at the right time. I noticed how these inconveniences didn’t upset him. A HUMBLE MAN. returning to room 132 with our plump stomachs, naming off more ways to enjoy each other’s company. It didn’t take long before we evolved to rolling around each other for another moment. at least until my playlist was played out. I woke up to admire how gotdam flawless he is. calm face. calm sound. I hated to wake him up but 11 o'clock check out crept up real quick. he called his daughter, and it was the only time I didn’t matter. I contemplated how I managed to be happy and sad about such a precious moment. “you got everything?” I gave a lousy smile as a nodded. Driving to the city, I let him DJ. he danced subtly but rapped like he was a reverend with a message. loud and proud. he took my hand and gave it a royal kiss. how did he know I needed this? we stumbled around the city into a cute pizzeria. there was a waitress who noticed how cute he was. I tried not to take it personal bc I hate those kind of girls anyway. when we left we realized how we missed the opportunity to document our Valentine’s Day celebration. he held me tight as he stomped on the frigid sidewalk. I told him about the drake meme we look like. the accuracy had him roaring. he’s such a Leo and I don’t mind. ((but he’s on the cusp of cancer so there’s that)) jay walking became our thing bc he’s from Brooklyn ya know. We spend a lot of time wandering and rambling. he also told me how much I mean to him. even when I dragged him to the Coca Cola factory as if he didn’t tell me how much he despises soda. he feels guilty when he smokes. he says i give him a look but it’s only bc he will be in solitude while doing it. we shared chapstick, lips, and I love yous. I put on a brave face as he exited the car. I should’ve hugged him harder and longer but I didn’t want to extend the separation anxiety that was already setting in. 

Last time we only had a couple of hours. 

I hate to empathize with someone who sucks at communication... but maybe I haven’t heard from you because you just don’t want to NOT be the good listener that you’re capable of. 

hmm