I’ve been wondering for a while if Snape’s persistence in chasing the Defense Against the Dark Arts job wasn’t only because of his interest in the dark arts themselves, but also self destructive or suicidal. Death in the line of duty isn’t suicide, so he can’t be called a coward for it.
On the other hand, he was terrified of death in the moment before he died. He didn’t have much zest for life, but who can blame him for wanting to cling onto it when death comes on so suddenly? He also hates not only to be called a coward, but to be a coward, and begging for a suicide job could be seen as an easy way out. I don’t think he is actually suicidal when the books take place. He tells Dumbledore when Lily dies that he wants to die, too, but it was in a moment of enormous grief, distress, sorrow, regret, mourning, et cetera. He may not be happy with life, but I think he does want to hold onto it for its own merit and not just because he has a mission to fulfill. That’s why I’m conflicted about his intense desire to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts even knowing the position is cursed, having experienced the loss of a teacher every year, and believing in the power of Voldemort to curse it. Surely he knows the curse is real. So why apply for the job each year knowing it could even get him killed, in addition to the assurance of it ending badly?
