#my poor babies...

“Detailers are the [Marines]’ advocate, and [they] take into consideration everything [they] can to ensure [they] are providing the right ‘fit’ for each billet [note: a “billet” is a specific personnel position, assignment, or duty station which may be filled by one person] advertised on the [Career Management System-Interactive Detailing] CMS-ID.

[They] evaluate each [Marine]’s professional milestones and take into consideration a [Marine]’s personal aspirations and stated preferences. There are a number of variables unique to each and every one of us in the [Marines] – from our personal situations: whether we’re single, married, dual-military couple, single parent, same-sex spouse, [Eligible Family Member], whatever – to our professional standing: does a [Marine] have the proper qualifications for that particular job, or do they require training; is a [Marine] a roller to sea duty or shore duty; will this be the best job for the [Marine] and is this the best [Marine] for the command; etc.

For two equally qualified [Marines], we would give selection preference to the one that was ranked higher during the gaining command’s review/comment phase.”

[...]

“When a detailer has selected a [Marine] for a billet, a notification is sent to that [Marine]. [...]   Once a [Marine] has been selected, then posted to the billet, the order writing process begins, ultimately ending in the [Marine] receiving a set of orders.”

At the beginning of the first game, I remembered something about Captain Anderson having mentioned that he added Ashley Williams to the Normandy’s crew because Lieutenant Alenko believed that the ship could use a good soldier like her, but never actually realized just how instrumental Kaidan had been to Anderson’s decision.

Basically, from what I understand, as the head of the Normandy’s Marine detail,  Kaidan’s actual job would literally be to assess which Marine soldiers would be best suited for any open position or assignment on board of the Normandy SSV, and then be the one to hand them their new position / assignment / duty / orders.

Meaning that the actual reason that Gunnery Chief Williams joined the Normandy’s crew, is likely because Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko watched her in action, saw something in her, came back to the ship to take a look at her file, paid a lot of attention to her family history, her military aspirations, her service records, etc. 

Kaidan likely noticed the glaring discrepancy between her impeccable performance reviews, and her lack of career advancement opportunities. 

He probably saw the number of times Ashley had been submitting applications for a transfer to a shipboard posting to prior detail officers, and been denied these posts...

And there he is...  mourning the death of a friend, sure...  but the motherfrakking head of the Normandy’s Marine detail!

The Normandy, a.k.a. the Alliance’s fastest and most technologically advanced starship yet, that so happens to suddenly be having a vacant position for a soldier that needs filling.

Please do yourselves all a favor... 

Imagine Kaidan studying Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams’ dossier, reading her prior position applications...  and through the haze of all those unspeakable horrors he’s just witnessed on Eden Prime, there’s suddenly this little beacon of light and hope unexpectedly shining right before his eyes...

As a L2 biotic born into a military family, Kaidan Alenko might even have suddenly found, in Ashley Williams, a kindred spirit.  Someone that had, until then, been treated with heavy suspicion and distrust by others, simply because of her being perceived as “different” than the other soldiers serving alongside her.

And because of a set of given circumstances, Kaidan finds himself with the power to do something about it.  He finds himself having the required level of authority to become the first military detailing officer to actually care about Ashley’s own career aspirations, and the path that she’s been stubborn enough to keep on pursuing despite all the resistance she’s been faced with until now.

Unlike all those other detail officers that have kept denying her shipboard posting applications, he can actually fulfill his role of being her advocate, arguing in favor of her being assigned to the Normandy and offered responsibilities that are better suited for her actual training and qualifications, and ensuring that Williams is assigned to a post that actually makes good use of her outstanding abilities, talents, and dedication as a soldier.

Imagine him smiling to himself, being the little stubborn shit that he is, as he realizes that he’s just about to assign Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams -  General Williams’ granddaughter, of all people - to join the crew of one of the greatest marvels of human-TURIAN engineering!

Now, also imagine Ashley’s own surprise, when she discovered that the head of the Normandy’s Marine detail was one of the two people she encountered on Eden Prime.

And that, unlike everything life had ever taught her to expect from those officers until then (including what her own father had been put through in his own career), Lieutenant Alenko was so impressed with her performance in the field, and her dossier, that he decided that she was the single best suited Marine in the whole Alliance for a job on the Normandy.  And that Captain Anderson sufficiently trusted Lieutenant Alenko’s judgment in the matter to agree with him and welcome her on his ship (Shepard hadn’t been made a Spectre, yet).

On one hand, she’s just lost her whole unit to the geths, and Kaidan has just lost a friend, too.

On the other, she’s just been offered the career opportunity of a lifetime, when virtually no one ever gave her so much as a chance to explore and showcase her potential.

Once you know that, imagine Kaidan’s sense of pride and wonder as he watches her finally doing the job she’s always wanted to do, and being allowed to continue to grow and build her confidence and her skills as an Alliance Marine and soldier.

Imagine Ashley’s own sense of pride and wonder, as she suddenly finds herself fighting shoulder to shoulder with some of the very best soldiers and officers that the Alliance has ever trained, under the Command of the very first human Spectre.

Think about how the knowledge that Kaidan saw something in her the very first time they met - that had him go “Yup!  That’s exactly the type of soldier the Normandy needs!”, and personally hand picked her out of all the other potential Marine candidates that could have had the required qualifications and training for the job - might be affecting her deep sense of friendship and respect towards him.

And imagine how Kaidan might find himself feeling naturally protective of Ashley - instinctively stepping into the role of a mentor and giving her every single opportunity to showcase her talents - while also doing his best to remain very open, laid back, and accessible around her.

Wanting to make sure she knows that she belongs with Shepard and his crew, and that they fully trust and feel at ease around her.  That regardless of her family’s history, she’s got the right to carve her own path and that they all believe in her and are glad to have her on the team.

Revisit, if you will, all of their banter and the natural chemistry between them...

Take a moment to think about Kaidan playfully offering to “shoot someone to make her feel better”...  About him expressing concern regarding whether she was still happy that she signed on with Commander Shepard, and about she inquiring about how his implant was holding up, and if he was okay...

And now, get ready to have your heart be shattered into a thousand tiny little pieces...

Because, if Ashley is the one that ends up dying on Virmire...

Then Kaidan will be spending the rest of his life knowing that the main reason Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams was there on Virmire with them to begin with...  was because of him.

And that, by wishing to allow her to finally be given a chance to advance her career within the Alliance - by assigning her to Jenkin’s vacant post when he saw that opening and allowing her to fulfill her lifelong dream of serving on board a starship - he was the one to accidentally lead her towards a premature death.

Her life, and career, ended before it truly had a chance to begin, all because he thought she was a formidable soldier that deserved more from the Alliance than what she’d gotten so far, and chose to ask for Anderson’s permission to have her being assigned to the Normandy.

And what’s worst is that she died, because Shepard chose to save him.

She could have lived.  The outcome of his decision to offer her Jenkin’s old position could have been the beginning of a great military career and an opportunity for Ashley to become one of the very best soldiers the Alliance has ever known.

But because Shepard chose to go back for him and his team, rather than rescue Ashley’s, they’ll never know, won’t they?

She’s dead, he’s not.  And now he’ll forever have to live with that.

I’ve sometimes discussed Kaidan having what appears to be a pretty strong case of “survivor’s guilt” (highlighted, in part, by one of his conversations with Tali in ME3)...

But the knowledge that Ashley died because he was virtually the first detail officer to truly believe in her, and to care about her career and aspirations enough to give her a chance to advance within the Alliance, must’ve been tearing him apart on top of everything else...

And if Kaidan is the one to die on Virmire...

Well, then Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko wasn’t just the very first detail officer to finally see Ashley for who she was, acknowledge her potential, and offer her a chance to follow her dreams and build herself an actual career within the Alliance...

But the “cost” of that career, and those opportunities, also ended up being his very own life.

Kaidan asked Anderson for permission to assign her to the Normandy...  only for him to be left behind to die on Virmire, because Shepard didn’t have the time to rescue both teams, and he chose to save hers.

Taken within that context, it’s even more heartbreaking to hear Ashley tell Shepard: “I have to be worth Kaidan’s life.”

No wonder she seems to talk about him with such reverence, and in the French version of the game, literally says that a good guy like him should be among angels.

She saw him as her very own guardian angel, even in life...

“I don’t regret a thing” might also become something that either Kaidan or Ashley are saying more for the other’s benefit, rather than for Shepard themselves.

Kaidan doesn’t regret having selected Ashley for that position on The Normandy, regardless of the fact that he’ll no longer have the opportunity to actually be (physically, at the very least) there with her, as she pursues her career, and climbs within the Alliance’s ranks.

And Ashley doesn’t regret that Kaidan offered her that assignment, although she never got the chance to take it any further, and only lived that dream of hers to serve on a ship for such a short (but very intense) amount of time.

I’ve always adored the dynamic between these two...  But somehow, knowing what Kaidan’s position on the SSV Normandy implied, and that he’s the one evaluating candidatures for other positions that need to be filled on the ship, and trying to assign the right candidate to each post...

Well, it brings such a wonderful, and yet excruciatingly bittersweet layer to their relationship...

(And I’ve never hated Virmire more than I do now, just so you know...)