#my drifting

This was the final masterstroke of a meta-commentary.

I know he is a raging red flag and a manipulative asshole.

I will never condone such behaviour in real life. I would be the first tell n'jane to run as far away as possible.

But this is fiction. I know this is fiction. And I am allowed to enjoy my fantasies and my guilty pleasures on screen.

I want to be immersed in that toxic plot. I want to experience it 1st person pov. Because I know I can never allow it to happen in real life. So I don't want to be woken up from this .

When some people complain about how the narrative romanticizes P'Jane and that is 'morally wrong' and how it is wrong to think P'Jane is justified in his actions.

I don't care.

First of all, from the pilot to the opening OST, this show has warned us that p'jane is a red flag. Nobody of sufficient age is going to really think that behaving like P'Jane in real life is okay.

(but what about the kids who don't know better?

We'll, the kids have no business in watching this toxic ass show. There is enough red tape and warning signs imo.)

I'm not saying people should not be warned about how dreadful of an example P'Jane is. But there is no need to insist that p'jane's behaviour must be condemned In Universe.

I don't think the photos are the sole reason zhang zhun wanted a breakup. He was already wavering.

First he got to know the impact their relationship would have on zhen xin's career.

Then it was his phone call with his grandmother.

And now he got to know that he was not the one to cross the boundary on his own initiative. He was attracted to zhen xin, but until that point it was a result of their physical closeness. and the professional nature of their relationship was still present.

But then he had a wet dream about zhen xin and his attraction for zhen xin solidified.

This was the event that made him realise his attraction towards zhen Xin as a conscious thought. Until that point he was hiding behind the character and feeling Gao zhun's attraction towards fang chi.

That's why that night he initially calls out to fang chi. Cause in the role he is allowed to feel that intense pull.

But the photos were the final push. For months he has been immersing himself in gao zhun. He knows how it feels to have his boundaries violated and to realise that it was the person closest to you. And to see that zhen xin still doesn't understand what he did wrong.

How interesting is it that Xiaofan gets all of the responsibility and none of the dignity.

Normally the person who is the most responsible and capable will get the most dignity in a family, I wonder about the reason for the treatment.

I mean I get why xiaoping is treated better because he is the eldest son. But why is the sister superior in the hierarchy, according to the social norms of that time she should have been at the bottom rung being a girl.

Aside from his goal of having both families agree to the divorce, what were his other motives. This is just my thoughts and speculations.

Last episode we saw Xiaofan has long learned how to say no to his brother and father. But he still faltered when it came to his mother. His mother kept trying to make it his responsibility to keep his (mind you) OLDER brother on the right track.

When you've always been the responsible and sensible one, at one point it becomes a shackle that binds you to others expectations.

By doing this 'immoral' and 'indecent' thing, he has completely broken free from the image of a good boy his mother has shackled him to.

Maybe he was also punishing Luqing.

Luqing did not treat him as a living, breathing, thinking human being. He just wanted to have everything go according to his plan in which Xiaofan was a passive chess piece to be moved. Not a lover to plan your future with. Not a partner whose wishes matter.

Now Xiaofan has given Luqing an ultimatum. Either he fess up or get lost. No hanging in the middle unsure of his position in that family, in Luqing's life and in his heart.