#mxm youngmin

He stopped her cart with his own. “Wait!” he said. “Wait up, please.” 

She looked at him hesitantly. “Why?” she asked. 

“Maybe we could...” He shuffled around uncomfortably, rubbing the back of his neck. “Maybe we could shop together?” he suggested. 

She scoffed a little, mostly out of disbelief. “Once again, why?”

“I don’t know,” he said with a shrug, “it just seemed like a good idea at the time. I mean, when are we gonna have this opportunity again?” 

She sighed, gripping the handle of her cart a little tighter. “Youngmin,” she started, “I don’t know if that’d a good—”

“It’s not for me,” he interrupted, as if reading her mind. “I mean, not like I’m not curious how you’re doing—I totally am—but it’s the guys that are pining for you.” He chuckled. “They ask about you all the time.”

She gave a small smile, some of her nervousness dissipating. “Do they?” she asked. 

He nodded. “Absolutely.” He tilted his head. “Why don’t you keep in touch with them?” 

She shrugged, nibbling her bottom lip. “It hurts,” she said quietly. 

“What was that?” he asked.

She shook her head. “Nothing,” she said, half glad that he didn’t hear, half disappointed. “I said that I just haven’t gotten around to it yet. I really should, though. I miss them.” 

He tapped his fingers against his handle, looking deep in thought. “And me?” he finally asked. “Why haven’t you gotten into touch with me?” 

She frowned. A silence fell over them. “Do you really need to ask that?” she said. She decided to leave it be. She started walking away, rolling her cart in front of her.

Youngmin eyed her as she went.

“Are you coming or not?” she asked. 

His eyes widened. “Wait—shopping’s a go?” he said. 

She held back a laugh. He was just as dorky as ever. “Yes, shopping’s a go,” she replied. Like a puppy, he fell into step right beside her, fighting back a bright smile. Part of it made her feel happy and comfortable, but another part of her felt suffocated, anxious and fake. 

This wasn’t they way they were with each other anymore. 

She had to admit, though... It wasn’t as bad as she thought it would be. She thought that the venture would be fraught with awkwardness and a loss of words, but it was the opposite, really. 

After getting over the initial hump of ‘Oh, I’m standing next to my ex and grocery shopping at 11:34 at night’, it was actually pretty fun. The conversation made was simple and pleasant. It almost made her angry how easily they fell back into old habits. 

Finishing each other’s sentences, quoting inside jokes, laughing about absolutely dumb things—in was all so natural in his presence. He even reached up and got something from a high shelf for her after her he noticed her struggle to grab it. 

Youngmin chuckled. “Why didn’t you just ask for help?” he wondered aloud.

“Because,” she said, assuming the answer was obvious. She shrugged. “I thought it’d be weird. I mean, it’s not your job.” 

He frowned a little. “I don’t mind, though,” he said. 

She smiled  a little. “And I thank you for that,” she started, “but still. It’d be a little weird for me. That’s all.” 

He nodded slowly, but she could see some disappointment behind his eyes. “Yeah, okay,” he said. “I get it.” 

She felt a pang in her chest, but she chose to ignore it.

There were more little instances like that throughout the night. Moments when he would be just a little too helpful, a little too touchy or a little too smiley to make it seem like they weren’t dating. 

It’s not that she hated his company—in fact, it was quite the opposite. She had been craving his company, and that’s what annoyed her so much. She’d been trying so hard to move on. She was trying so hard to get to a point of emotionally stability where they could be friends again.

She wanted to be able to talk to everyone again. She wanted to be able to hang out with them, have fun together, chill on the sofa for movie nights and sleepovers, and hug them without a heavy heart. 

She wanted to forgive herself and she wanted to forgive him. 

What annoyed her was that fact that it felt like he was putting no effort towards moving on. It was like he was stuck on repeat, remembering the same things they did together as a couple.

Unknowingly, he was making it so, so hard to stay strong. All she wanted was to be normal around him. Not to hold anger, longing or resentment. She just wanted to be friends again.  

“Babe, check this out!” Youngmin said, picking up a particularly comedic birthday card. They both froze. He whipped around, almond eyes opened wide. “Listen, that was a mistake. I didn’t mean—”

It was the last straw for her. 

She abandoned her cart, stomping off toward the back of the store. She resolved to hide out in the bathroom until she calmed down. She felt too much right now. Too much desire to be with him again. 

They had decided that the breakup was for the best, so why? 

Why was he being so difficult and contrary? 

She felt a pressure on her wrist. He had grabbed her. “Where are you going?” he asked, the worry in his voice evident. 

She tried tugging away from him, but he kept a firm grip. “Away,” she said, trying to keep her voice level so as to not draw attention from the other shoppers. “I just need to breathe.” 

He stepped a little closer to her, dragging his hand down to hold hers gently. “Breathe here,” he whispered. His hand slipped out of hers. He put them in his pockets, but he didn’t move away. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I crossed a line. I shouldn’t have called you the nickname, I admit that.” 

She clenched her fists, not facing him. “It’s not just the nickname, Youngmin,” she said. “You’ve been pulling all sorts of lovey-dovey crap all night.”

“And does that bother you?” he asked. 

She spun around, shocking him a little. “Yes!” she said. “Yes, it bothers me!” She quieted her voice again. “It bothers me a lot.” 

He was staying surprisingly calm. “And why is that?” he asked. “And be honest.” 

She felt tears well up in her eyes, but she shoved them back down, refusing to cry in the middle of the grocery store. “Because I didn’t hate it,” she whispered. “I feel guilty about that...” She looked down at her feet.

There was a beat or two of silence. 

“Why don’t we get back together, then?” Youngmin suggested. 

Her head snapped up. “What?” she asked. “What’re you talking about?” 

He sighed. “Listen...” he started. “I didn’t hate it either. That’s what I kept doing it. Plus, the guys miss you so much. They talk about you all the time! And...” He gave that signature awkward smile. “I miss you, too.” 

She imagined it for a moment... What would it be like, being back with him? Would it fall apart, just like the first time, or would it be something magical? The saying has always been, “Distance makes the heart grow fonder”.

She tried to shake her mind free of any fanciful thoughts. “Still, that doesn’t mean we should just pick up where we left off,” she said. “That’d be—”

“Foolish?” he said, playfully finishing her sentence. He nodded. “Yeah, I agree. That’s why I think we should just start over.” She raised a questioning eyebrow. He stuck out his hand. “Hi,” he said, smiling brightly. “I’m Lim Youngmin. What’s your name?” 

Ah. That’s what he meant. He always was a dork.

But he was a dork that you didn’t mind shaking the hand of.

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Soooooo, yeah. I’m in love. What’s up with that??

Also, WHY’RE Y’ALL SO INTO EX-BOYFRIEND!YOUNGMIN? Like- I love it, but it’s not something I would’ve predicted. I’m glad people enjoy reading it, though. ^-^ Thanks for the request, Anon! I had a lot of fun with this one.