Feelings from the Writing of History: Chinese Diaspora
I realised, when I was writing my memo yesterday, that I get quite frustrated on certain topics or subjects. Next Monday, we will be discussing Chinese diasporas as an angle of study on Global China. This is a topic that has always been very close to my heart, both personally and academically. Living abroad as a Singaporean Chinese in the UK has made me much more aware of the different dimensions of Sinicisation or "Chineseness". I get annoyed to be identified as Chinese, as in the PRC, yet I am Chinese, so why am I annoyed?
It's only recently where I realised why I get annoyed about it. There is firstly the sense of inadequacy of not feeling Chinese enough. I can't read Mandarin characters particularly well, nor can I speak it formally, or at an academic/ professional level. Living in Singapore, there is no strong attachment to "Chinese" food either - home to me is laksa, prata, nasi lemak and chicken rice.
My memo for the week came out almost like a long-standing rant that I always had about the study of Chinese diaspora - I love it, but there are some aspects about it that irk me so much at the same time. It is almost like a sense of addiction where there is much love and hate at the same time. Perhaps, I keep going back to reading and writing about this subject to tackle some uneasy issues within myself, regarding my own identity.
I did a search on my own computer to see when was the first time I wrote about this subject. And it was during my second year in London - one of the most Eurocentric institutions, perhaps, with only ONE Chinese fellow to establish an, er, Asian department within the History faculty (reminder: China does not constitute even the majority of Asia). But, that is after all, through the eyes of the occident.
