I am not good enough to have lots of money. I'm aware it's counterintuitive. Money is not evidence of any moral standing; in fact, in a lot of ways, having lots of money can be evidence of negative moral standing because of its association with corruption and selfishness. There is, in fact, such a thing as 'too much' money, and I have had a chapter in my life where I had more money than I knew how to spend. It seemed that once my needs were met, I spent the money on frivolous things, and I had to ensure I always didn't have money, because I had so much. I spent it all, I was either wearing, eating, or smoking every dollar that came my way, and when I had my fill, I clothed, fed, and smoked out all my friends. In exchange for that freedom and greed, I watched my children get abused. I cut people out of my life because my husband didn't like them. I joined a cult. I had a suicide pact.
All to hang onto this lifestyle of Instagram pictures and Starbucks. I had money, I had a house full of junk. I couldn't walk 3 steps without stepping on something with a Nerf label embossed on it. I hated my existence when I had money because I was able to be bought with it, and in the end, I felt like the worst type of person to live.
