#muscan

«Hey. » Svarth turned around with both of her hands grabbed around a warm cup. The scent of a red berries tea was just making its way around the room when she heard hard footsteps that did certainly not belong in her playlist of cosy and calm songs. Muscan’s tall figure was standing in the doorway between her tiny living room and even tinier kitchen. He had not even been bothered to take off his shoes on his way in. It was raining cats and dogs outside and yet he chose to wear his beloved leather jacket over a pink, now wet, shirt which slightly revealed the tattoo on his chest. Of course, she knew he was coming, he had been polite enough to tell her he wanted to come over but come on. Svarth had nearly had enough time to drag on sweatpants and a clean shirt before making sure her bedsit was looking at least somewhat decent.

“What’s up?” That was literally the only thing she could come up with when she saw his face. Beneath those raindrops filled glasses, his eyes were hard and he didn’t break into his usual smirk at her approach. Perhaps it was a dumb question. She knew something was up. Muscan wouldn’t just invite himself over and then be here in such a short time if it wasn’t something important.

“I just need someone to vent at, and Ikaros is acting intolerable.” He grabbed for a napkin from the counter as he removed his glasses to wipe them free from the raindrops. Svarth knew from experience this would probably last longer than she expected, and therefore grabbed a biscuit package before retreating to her couch in the living room.

“What did he do?” Muscan came tumbling after her, seating himself next to her with one arm resting on the sofa’s backrest behind her. His mouth was forced into a thin line as he just watched her, trying to find the words. Svarth sipped her tea, her face reddened as she remembered she had not offered the other anything. The poor lad, his curls were just now drying from the nearly flood outside. It was unusual to see him without any products in his hair. Even though she had forgotten to ask him about tea, he didn't seem to have any desire for it anyway.

“He didn't do anything. It's not him I came to talk about, or mainly I didn't come here to talk about him.”  His gaze dropped as the words left him. Svarth thought maybe he was acting a bit dramatic. She knew Ikaros could act cold towards people, but he always seemed so loving whenever Muscan was around. They were so comfortable with each other, and assuming from Muscan’s previous rants about the perfect Ikaros their relationship was adorable. Svarth knew though, Ikaros acted cold-blooded around Zakade. They were old classmates from middle school, and sometimes Svarth still found herself in receiving Zakade’s moaning through text whenever Ikaros showed up at the ICT. Zakade had told her all about him about the time when she had just met Muscan.

“Ikaros was, and always will be the biggest pompous scumbag cry baby you will ever meet, and this comes from me. You know perfectly well how little I care about pretty much anyone who’s got an attitude against me, but this guy, I swear to god. If you stand in his way of whatever he wants to achieve, you will feel his revenge in one way or another. Say you are someone like me, who does not give two fucks whatever the dick might think about me, and offend him even the slightest, he will throw curses and ugly looks at you. The thing is it bothers me so much, because he knows things about me. He knows, and he understands he can use these things against me. I think we almost got into a fight once. He told me, wait, I do not think I even want to tell you. It involved so much shit about me, and the very few people I surround myself with. I wished in that moment to kill him in the worst way. Back when we were kids, we had at least a somewhat decent relationship. We could discuss our common interests and play some at each other’s houses, but as we grew older I guess I got more and more tired of him bossing me around. He was the kind of kid who would cry the instant moment someone denied him something. And now he walks around, at least not crying anymore, but thinking he can still manipulate his way to things. How the fuck someone can have any sort of romantic feelings for him is beyond my imagination. Tell the dude I pay my condolences.”

Sometimes he made her uncomfortable, giving off loathing looks. Oh, she could feel so worthless after interacting with him. Ikaros was not a person close to her. They did not speak that much, luckily enough according to her best friend. It was usually the looks whenever Zakade or Muscan stumbled upon him while being out with her.

“It’s just everything with Avarit is stressing me out. She keeps getting more and more intense.”

“Oh no. How?”

“She is literally spamming me at all times. There is never a second alone. Like, it’s getting to the point where I get worried if she is not sending me anything.”

“Did you mute her?”

“Of course I did. Sometimes we hang out, okay, because I am a nice guy.” Svarth lifted her eyebrows at this statement. It was mostly in a way to tease him, but Muscan wasn't exactly the nice guy either. When Svarth came to think of it, she didn't really know anyone who would fit the “nice guy” description at all. Maybe Muscan only thought not acting like Ikaros would make him a nice guy? But Muscan is dating Ikaros. Maybe Svarth and Zakade were the only ones thinking of Ikaros as a not-nice guy. Whatever a nice guy was in Muscan’s eyes, Svarth could not imagine a nice guy being cold hearted and whining over simple things. He did not like to admit it, but Muscan could get bothered over even the smallest things. Much like his boyfriend, according to Zakade. Svarth thought Ikaros sounded worse, though. Muscan tried always to somehow solve the problem, but mostly to make it go his way. To see things from another perspective, was not something he was good at.

“What is she like when you hang out then?” she asked.

“It feels a bit like she is expecting too much of me. She tends to get really rude for no reason.”

‘Like your boyfriend much?’ Svarth wanted to say that, but she did not dare. There was no way she could just talk of Ikaros like that when she did not even know him that well. All she had to judge from was Zakade’s accusations against him. Muscan would probably not appreciate it if the one he was trusting all his feelings onto, would judge them. So instead of the smug remark, she said “Maybe she just doesn't know you well enough to know your limits and what you are actually like. I mean, you haven't known her for that long, have you?” Muscan shrug his shoulders.

“At least more than half a year. Ikaros have known her for a way longer time though. She is an old school friend of his, like Zak.” Zakade had never mentioned this, probably because Svarth didn't really know Avarit, she was Vidiae's girlfriend and they had met once but other than that Avarit was just a name occasionally mentioned by her friends, and had therefore never asked him about it, but it also gave Svarth a little more perspective into Avarit’s background. The school Zakade had attended along with Ikaros was a private school, where you had to pay a tuition so high Svarth would not even dare to suggest that school for her parents. If you were to attend the school, you had to be wealthy or have a scholarship, but scholarships were not for middle school, were they? So she was most likely wealthy, and that would maybe explain her interest in Muscan as well. Money had never been a problem for him, and Svarth found it hard to make him relate to her own situation. If Muscan had grown up in their city, he would probably attend the same school. And I mean, the guy was pretty good looking, and sometimes might actually show some of this “nice guy” he claimed he was. He could be funny, and he was conscious about what he wore. With a little daydreaming, he could be the prince every girl who dreamt of boys, dreamt of. Wait.

“Is she still dating Vidiae? The last time I talked to her, they still were.” The curly head- no the other curly head that was not Svarth rolled his eyes. Svarth had a tendency to lose track in conversations, and come up with another topic just to bring herself back in.

“Svarth, I'm not here to talk about Vidiae. Listen, she is nuts.”

“She's just in love with you. Tell her you are not interested.”

“I did that.” His voice began to tremble. The blue-green eyes of his widened as if they were struck with lightning. A sudden realization perhaps? Suddenly, Muscan seemed so much more aware of something. The intensity of his stare made Svarth shift in her seat. She placed her tea cup on the table next to the couch, and grabbed his hand in a way of trying to calm him down. His hand grabbed hers so hard, she thought she could feel the blood circulation stopping. Svarth had never seen him this way, and it made a sickly worried feeling grow in her stomach.

“What happened?” she asked, but she realized soon enough she probably shouldn't have, or? She wasn't sure. The grip around her hand strengthened, and Muscan just looked at her with tears forming in his eyes. His mouth trying to find the right words to explain. To say something was not right, was an understatement. Never had Svarth seen him like this. She didn't know Avarit, but she knew she must have been a terrible fucking person, to cause Muscan this much pain. Whatever the fuck she had done, Svarth hoped she felt pretty fucking bad about it.

“I-, I-, she-, I- “As quickly as he stuttered the words, he just threw himself over her, burying his face in her chest. This forced her to lean against the corner of the couch. The tall, and somewhat chubby guy laid heavily on her, but she couldn't do anything but hug him closer and let her hand stroke his back. What could she do? The guy was sobbing, and she could feel warm tears through her shirt. Sobbing was a terrible sound, Svarth had always thought, unless they were happy, but most of the sobs she heard were sad. They cut like knives through her stomach, and sometimes she couldn't bear to watch the person crying. The sight of some other’s tears, made her own eyes form some. When a person like Muscan cried, it hurt even worse. Despite him being a “nice guy”, he never failed to smile. If he were not, like today, something was terribly wrong. He was always the guy to make life, to wear a proud attitude, the only feelings he would show were the positive ones, and that had made even Svarth think he was somewhat incapable of sad feelings. She realized now she was wrong. Everyone, even Muscan, could cry sometimes.

“Take your time. I have all night.” She told him, before placing a soft kiss on his curly head. It felt as if minutes on minutes went by before Muscan bared to do anything but sob. He muttered something into her chest. The words were hard to make out, so Svarth asked him to repeat himself. He lifted himself from the awkward position, and sat up again, wiping his now red eyes.

“She hit me, and I fell. It didn’t hurt, I swear. I was just really confused, and I still am. I don’t understand.”

“Neither do I. Maybe she became a little frustrated, but that’s still not an excuse.”

“I tried to tell Ikaros, but he tried to twist it into something worse. I couldn’t bother to tell him the whole story, because I knew he would just become furious.” Svarth was a little relieved to know Muscan seemingly had not taken the violence too hard, and that the crying probably came from Ikaros’ attitude to the problem. It was not hard to imagine how Ikaros felt though. His boyfriend had been hurt by one of his friends, of course he would become a bit angry and want payback. It sounded a lot like something he would do, from what she knew about him. But also, she did understand Muscan as well. He seemed a bit embarrassed by it all. Maybe later he would pull himself together and talk to Avarit.

“Will you tell me the whole story?”

“No. I don’t think so. I just need someone who won’t freak out, and stop listening to how I am feeling.”

“That’s fine. You do you.” Suddenly Svarth became aware of the biscuit packet she brought in with her, and handed it to the other one.

«It sounds like she was giving you a pretty hard time.” Muscan’s eyes shifted from watching his fingers spin around the table in circles to meeting Ikaros’ stern expression. Surely, he was concerned. The rigid lips and the severe look he had, gave it all away. His face rested in his hands, as he eyed him. It almost felt as if he was looking right through him.

“Really? It was nothing more than the usual.” Ikaros reached his hands out to him. Gently, he grabbed one of his boyfriend’s hands, stopping the circle motions. Wrong answer.

“It was nothing like the usual. You said she would not leave you alone.” There was a point to it. Avarit constantly had another reason to talk to Muscan. He certainly HAD to see whatever that interested her. Sometimes, there could be endless of social media interacts, hardly from anyone else but her. Maybe Ikaros could beat her at times, but that is his boyfriend, his best friend. Their relationship worked that way. It always had. Avarit on the other hand, was a great friend, sure, but maybe she just didn’t understand how their relationship worked, or how personal space was a thing? Maybe she didn’t understand the relationship he had to Avarit was completely different from Ikaros? Muscan knew his boyfriend was hanging out with her regularly. She could have noticed how much the two interacts, and thought Muscan had to do that with her as well.

“I am not so sure. She did let me go when I told her Cunira was waiting. I promised I would help her out in the flat. You know what she is like. It was necessary.” The face she had made at him could be identical to Ikaros’ look. She turned her back on him, and strolled away. Back at Cunira’s flat, he told her the truth about the reason why he was late. As he explained how Avarit had kept him busy by constantly dragging him into a new shop, Cunira just shook her head. It was fine. She didn’t exactly know Avarit, but by the looks of her, she seemed like someone who wouldn’t take a no for a no. Completely opposite to Muscan, who simply couldn’t decline. At least that is what Cunira said. Will you ever be satisfied with what you have, or are you going to keep on forever? she had said half jokingly, half serious. What is the point in giving up something that doesn’t hurt me? he had replied. She had rolled her eyes in a “did you even realize what you just said” way. Muscan was not sure if you could roll your eyes in a way like that, but he could tell what she was thinking anyways. For years he had been forced to interpret even the smallest flicker of movement from Cunira. You never knew how she felt about something directly unless you provoked her. Which was never a good idea. Muscan did think he could interpret like that with Ikaros as well, or at least that is what he thought. Sometimes he was a bit vague, and one could only hope he was thinking your best alternative. Cunira, on the other hand, was pretty clear in her movement back then; you are surrounded by nothing but things that hurt you.

“Are you defending her?” Ikaros’ dry hand clutched hard at Muscan’s fingers. Air flew out between his lips, as the blonde shook his head. His eyes wandered to the colourful painting of colorful birds making their way through the sky. In his opinion it was a majestic painting with all the colors.

“No. I am just saying; she did leave me alone.” As if the birds helped Ikaros make up his mind, he looked back at Muscan with eyes filled with lightning. Even though the cafè was filled with dim voices, discussing everyday topics, Muscan could feel the storm catching on. He couldn’t tell if it was worries or lies. He turned his hand away from Ikaros’, as he was too familiar with his bad habit of clutching too hard when he wanted to express himself. His boyfriend lifted his chin as he frowned.

“She slapped you.” He said, almost too quiet for anyone to hear. It was hard to tell what was the truth, as Muscan had run the moment through his head too many times, trying to analyse what actually had happened back then. Of course, he understood why Ikaros was so worried, but come on, it was Avarit. She probably was just a bit stressed, and it did not hurt that much. He had not been left with any bruises or marks, just a feeling of distraction and confusion. It was like a pinch followed by a little push against the wall. Nothing more, nothing less. A table had fallen over, and him along with it, a part he had let out of his explanation to Ikaros, but he was not hurt. In the moment, Muscan had given her a look of bewilderment, sure, but none of them mentioned of it later. The apology was silent as her arms lowered back and her eyes refused to meet him. Honestly, Muscan preferred not to think that much about it, and Ikaros’ mention of it made him tighten his fists.

“We don’t talk about that. It was nothing serious, I told you.” Again he could tell how this was an answer Ikaros did not want. His eyes froze on him, and his brows rose.

“You are defending her. Do you think she would defend you if you were the one to give her a blow?” It was well known how close Avarit and Ikaros seemed, and by the sound of Ikaros, she was not that kind of person. The Avarit he talked about, sounded like a complete stranger to Muscan. Sometimes, he wondered if Ikaros tended to backstab him as well.

“Would you just shut up? I don’t want to talk about it.” Muscan repeated. The exit was only a few metres away. Only the pouring rain stopped him from taking the next step. Ikaros was not the right person to bring this up to, he realized that now. This was sickening him. He wanted to bury himself and just erase the past days. Perhaps he should have told Cunira. No, not Cunira. Avarit was a bitch according to Cunira. He should have told someone who is even less involved with her. Svarth, maybe? Muscan did not think Svarth would accuse him of defending Avarit, or even telling him what to do at all. She would listen, and respect how he felt, as that is what she would want to be treated in a similar situation. It would not help Muscan that much, but he did not even think he wanted help. He just wanted to forget about it. Perhaps he could ask her out sometime.

“Why the fuck did you tell me then?” Muscan just watched as Ikaros grabbed his coat and got up. His patience had also been cut short. A short goodbye pushed through his lips before he turned his back on him. What a drama queen, Muscan thought to himself. He knew they would discuss this later anyways. It was far from over.