#multiple readings

I’m getting no, your Steve isn’t looking for you..

I’m also getting a no, you’re not kin with la.

Lastly, a yes to se being your real canonmate.

Confessions Of Prepubescence

  Esther:  So there’s this guy here at my school who totally just doesn’t get me, or understand me. I mean like, I really like him and everything BUT he just gives me NO attention what SO EVER. HELP ME SERENA WHAT SHOULD I DO?

  Serena: Well, what have you done to get his attention so far?

  Esther: Not much. Last week I chased him around because we were playing tag – although I don’t think he knew that... This week on Monday I put various sticky notes on his locker asking him personal questions like, “Describe in great detail your innermost feelings.”

  Julia: Didn’t you also secretly follow him and his friends to the movies and then end up sitting in between all of them during the movie?

  Esther: Only because YOU said I should talk to him in a group setting! Serena! Help!

  Serena: Esther, its fine. He’s just a guy you know? Guys aren’t even that important. I mean we are only 12!!

  Julia: Okay Esther don’t listen to Serena, She’s totally lying. I mean I’ve had like 5 boyfriends and I’ve loved them all.

  Serena: Oh my god Julia, they weren’t even real boyfriends. One of them was your cousin.

  Julia: SERENA! You said you wouldnt TELL ANYONE THAT REMEMBER!?!?!?

  ( Intro)

  Esther:  Okay girls its okay. I’m not judging you for your incestual acts Julia. I still think you’re a great friend. But I don’t know what to do about this now. I mean I’ve heard so many people say that the person you fall love in love with in middleschool is the one that you end up marrying!!!

  Julia: Dear Lord, does this mean I’m going to marry my cousin!?!?

  Serena: No! that is like SO WRONG! Its actually the person you meet in 5th grade.

  Julia: Oh phew! But, I mean there’s some states that even allow you to have multiple husbands. So that is like my plan when I get older. One will cook for me, and one will spend money for me.

  Esther: Wow Julia, good idea. Is that how all relationships work?

Julia:  That’s how all the committed relationships work.

  Serena: OMG JULIA. You can’t just tell someone that that’s how a specific relationship works. I mean when Todd and I were dating, and said he loved me during our first week, I knew he was committed at that point.

  Julia: Todd Freeman? He said that to me too.

  Serena: It’s so sweet how he commits to every single girl he dates.

  Esther: Why do you girls get every single guy!? You live these perfect fairytale relationships that I am just so so jealous about! I’m not ever going to find my boy. I’m just going to die alone.I mean the boy I like doesn’t even talk to me!!! He doesn’t even say Hi when I say hi!!

Julia: Wait, who is this mystery boy?

  Esther:  It’s Evan. From Social Studies.

  Serena: EVAN! Are you sure!

  Julia: Esther he’s not even cute though. I don’t know why you like him….

  Serena: OMG Julia, she probably didn’t even check his Crushability ratings!

  Esther: What’s that? Was I supposed to know about this?

  Julia: It’s only the oldest and most reliable way to figure out is someone is crush worthy! Duh!

  Esther: How does it work?

  Serena: Well, have you stalked him at all yet?

  Esther: Of course! (seems hurt)

  Julia: Okay, the telltale sign that he is perfect for you is by figuring out whether he says you’re name in his sleep.

  Serena: Do you know what he says in his sleep?

  Esther: Well, he was at the library one day and he said he was sleepy and he checked out a book about a boy named Jack who had a sister named Muriel, and Muriel is pretty much the same thing as Esther so yeah.

  Julia: Wait, he wore plaid on Tuesday. Wearing plaid automatically makes you unchrush worthy. Sorry Esther .

  Esther: But-

  Serena: Yeah I actually agree with Julia. I mean Plaid…Plaid became out of season like 2 weeks ago. He clearly doesn’t have his head screwed on straight.

  Julia: Totally.

  Esther; Okay yeah I know. I agree about the Plaid thing. But everyone has or has had a boyfriend or has dated a cousin-

  Julia: Hey!

  Esther: -and all my cousins are babies so I’m pretty sure that isn’t allowed…So that means I’m like the only without true love. It makes me really sad………

  Serena: OH MY GOD Esther. That is like SO not true. I mean there’s ton of people that haven’t had boyfriends.

  Esther: Like Who?

  Serena: umm….

  Julia: Okay what Serena is trying to say is that boyfriends don’t actually count unless they say they love you. Which I highly doubt Evan would say. I mean he wore PLAID AFTER it became out of season. You just cant trust people like that.

  Serena: Okay Whatever, Its not like Esther is going to listen to us. So we might as well just help her think of ideas to talk to Evan.

  Esther: Yeah, I’m really not listening to you guys.

  Serena: Okay Esther. Don’t come crying to us when you find out that he’s not actually going to be a good boyfriend.

  Julia: Yeah seriously Esther, We WARNED you.

  Esther: Guys you don’t even know him!

  Both at the same time:  NEITHER DO YOU!

  Esther: Okay well that the first thing that happens before you get a boyfriend is that you have to talk to him first right!?

  Julia: Well  yeah. But sometimes they just flatout say that they like you because you are pretty.

  Esther: Do you think Evan would say that for me?

  Serena: No Evan likes girls with big boobs and you don’t even have any.

  Esther: * Looks at them blankly*

  Julia: Okay whatever, here’s the plan. Esther when he’s getting his books for social studies during 5th period. You are going to go up to him, and ask if he wants to sit with you at lunch.

  Serena: Yeah, also make sure that day you are wearing lavender and yellow, because boys really like those colors. At least that’s what my baby brother told me.

  Esther: Um are you sure??? Yellow and purple are actually kind of ugly colors….I will look like a purple bumblebee.

  Serena: No trust me on this. I know what I’m talking about. Like I’m pretty mature for my age.

  Julia: yeah seriously esther. Listen to us. We are wicked mature.

  Esther: Okay so I just go up to him and say. Hi wanna sit with me at lunch??

  Both at the same time: Yep.

  Esther: Are you sure this will work? Will he fall in love with me this way?

  Julia: DUH that’s how EVERYONE does it these days.

  Serena: yeah I mean, that’s how Julia and I have had so many successes with males.

  Esther: Okay……..I’ll do it.

  ----we do some blocking to distinguish that

  Julia: OH MY GOD ITS ALMOST TIME FOR YOU TO DO THIS ESTHER!!!

  Serena: JULIA AND I WILL BE WATCHING FROM THE LOCKERS NEAR DOMBROWSKIS ROOM..

  Esther: Okay guys…

  Esther: Um…Hi Evan..I thought your presentation in language arts was really cool..yeah um do you want to sit with me at lunch

  cringes face- as if being hurt- at this point Julia and Serena are creeping in the corner looking at this*

Julia:  Um…Esther… are you okay?

  Esther: …..He just looked at me and said no I don’t want to have relationships with girls now..

  Serena: WHAT?!?!?!? IS HE EvEN ALLOWED TO SAY THAT?!?!??!?!

  Esther: RIGHT!??! I HAD NO IDEA that was even possible.

  Julia: told you  Esther.. that he didn’t have his head on straight.

  Serena: Actually, I said-

  Esther: I guess love just isn’t for me….

  Serena: NO DON’T SAY THAT. Just because Evan was stupid, doesn’t mean ALL guys are stupid.

  Esther: yeah…I don’t know what to think anymore.

  Julia: Hey look on the bright side!

  Esther: What Bright side?

  Julia: You don’t have to deal with looking at his plaid shirts all the time.

  Esther: Yeah OH MY GOD. I totally agree with you. You girls are so great! I’m so glad I have you guys as friends. Besides I’m too young to have a boyfriend ow.

  BOTH: WHAT!?!??!?!?! YOU ARE NEVER TOO YOUNG TO BE IN LOVE!!