I tried to tell my mom I was heteromantic, and explain to her what it was, but she just kept saying things like 'it's just a phase,' 'you'll grow out of it,' and 'you'll change your mind one day.' I am positive I won't grow out of it, but I'm afraid to talk to her about it now. She always understood things when I tell her but she doesn't seem to get this. What do I do?
Hi⌠So recently I tried to tell my mom, who is usually very understanding, that I am heteromantic. When I did though, she said it was âjust a phaseâ and that Iâd âunderstand when Iâm olderâ (Iâm 15). It really hurt when she said that because I know itâs not just a phase I really wanted her support. I want her to understand, but Iâm also sort of afraid to talk to her about it now. What do I do?
Hi there, I came out as asexual to my mother and sister a while ago. They were okay with it, but they didnât really understand. They keep saying I âhavenât matured yetâ and that Iâm just âashamed of feeling sexual attractionâ. Itâs really getting to me, and Iâve tried to explain it to them numerous times. What do I do?
I told my mom the other day that I donât experience sexual attraction and that Iâm ace, but she told me she was the same way until she was âmore matureâ and out of college. She told me that I wouldnât stay this way and when Iâm older Iâll definitely want sex, and Iâve tried explaining it to her but she doesnât listen. She insists Iâm too young to have this type of attraction (Iâm 15). By what age should allosexuals experience sexual attraction?Â
I feel like my friends think that my sexuality is a âphaseâ and like asexuality doesnât exist. They just kinda look at me funny if it comes up and they constantly ask the same questions. Theyâre good friends and I need their support. What can I do?
I tried coming out to my mom as asexual, and she basically was saying how she didnât âfeel that wayâ until she met my dad, and said how I shouldnât feel anything like that, Iâm fifteen. What ways can I get her to understand?
i cant even breathe right now. im 15 and just kind of came out to my twin sister and because i shut my feelings away like happiness or sadness due to a psychological trauma in my past, she claims that my âasexuality which is only a phaseâ is because of that. she asked her counselor and he laughed and confirmed her counselor. shes laughing at me, telling me im just mental ill. but i dont think so. am i wrong? could sexual attraction be something i shut away too?Â
My friends whenever I say Iâm asexual they always say âoh, Iâve never felt sexual attraction before, I must totally be asexual tooâ in a joking manor and we are only 14 and I just want them to accept my sexuality, but they are fine with gays and lesbians.
I told my mom that I was asexual but she doesnât believe I will turn out too be asexual. Iâm in my early teens, but I donât have any sexual attractions to either gender. She INSISTS that Iâm straight, but Iâm pretty sure I will be asexual my whole life. I feel betrayed by her because she doesnât believe me and I have insisted that I will be asexual. Any advice??
Part 1/3 I identify as biromantic sex-repulsed asexual and one of my two friends thatâs in gym talks about sex a lot. We had had talks about pansexual and gay people etc. and so I figured theyâd be fine with it. But when I told them Part 2/3 they just said âThat song lastâ âYouâll grow out of itâ and that kind of thing. I havenât talked to them sense bc I know itâs not good for me to be around ppl like that, butPart 3/3 Iâve been struggling with a lot and Iâm back to having one friend again. Itâs just really hard. Any advice? Â
I know this is a lot of asks to answer all at once, but I have a reason for doing it this way. All of these asks are slightly different variations of the same question. All of the aces are facing the same thing. You are not alone in your struggles. You are not alone in your feelings. And every single one of you is valid.Â
So, to the answer... What all of these situations boil down to is this. You came out to someone who decided that:
they know your feelings and sexuality better than you
you are not allowed to identify yourself as anything but straight until youâve tried being straight or passed some arbitrary age marker
all young people donât feel sexual attraction but also should be feeling sexual attraction and experimenting
the feelings that you feel now donât count because they might change
All of that is a load of hypocritical bullshit, right? I mean, seriously. Itâs invalidation central up in here. But why? Why do people say that crap?
Itâs because theyâre afraid and donât understand.Â
Rather than saying âHey, I donât get that, can you teach me?â they go âI donât get what youâre saying and it goes against what Iâve been told is the right way to be, therefore I should make you feel like shit until you conform.â Thatâs really crappy.Â
Sometimes, the solution is education. Sometimes, the solution is to lay low until youâre in a safe position to be yourself. Sometimes, being unapologetically asexual will show them and theyâll come around. Sometimes, there isnât a solution and people continue to be invalidating poopheads.
Aces are invalidated via the âitâs just a phaseâ and âyouâre too youngâ and âyou just need to try itâ routes well into adulthood. And if we adult aces can know our sexuality and be asexual despite all that, so can you young aces.Â
Your sexuality is valid, whether these people believe in it or not. You know yourself best.