#mudmonth

on this day some years ago i lost my mother today my sisters and i celebrate her life with cheesecake and tales of mud-dom i have written many things about her i call it the "Mud Series" some are funny, some are sad but they all help me get through this shit called November the cold front wakes me with a hammer  memories shivering to the surface the closure fairy ever elusive a picture, or a song can bring it all back the loss, the grief the ache of a burn scraped open that i suspect will never truly heal i miss you mud and not just in November. . . @legoule

I think I figured it out. Mud was prone to blood clots. I’m not sure where they all were, but I know there were several. She had vein screens inserted. They went in through a femoral artery. They pushed them up through her veins to make sure the blood clots that I assume were in her legs could never reach her heart. She wore a medic-alert necklace which I wear to this day in her memory. Part of being alive is thinking about when you might die, and how. There’s very little cancer in my family so I never really thought it would be that. Some people believe that their fears will be the thing that will do them in. I thought that too, but I have never really felt sure; which means I don’t think I will be taken out by a pit of rabbits. There is Alzheimer’s in my family, so that is a distinct possibility. I have never thought it might be a car crash or some other accident. I just know somehow it won’t be that, but I drink coffee every morning, and I smoke cigarettes here and there. So did Mud. Cigarettes are known to cause blood clots. My mother had enough clots that they were concerned that one might dislodge and travel towards her heart, so they inserted the vein screens. I think I figured it out. I now have something to focus on, to be afraid of, to worry about. It’ll be a heart attack caused by a blood clot. Something so small so intrusive so deadly . . @legoule