#mtb3

Elain would serve as a distraction. Once the boys let their guard down Feyre and Nesta would infiltrate their forts and fire. Nesta gave Elain the thumbs up and the plan was officially underway.

“Hey, guys!” Elain smiled as she ran straight into the middle of the snow battle. She expected to be hit and braced herself as one snowball came flying at her face. It was fast, cold, and definitely hurt, but she took one for the team. Falling as dramatically as she could Elain landed on her ass in the snow, holding a hand to her eye.

Within seconds Az was at her side, “Elain I’m so sorry are you okay?” he asked clearly horrified that he hit her.

Elain began to nod but then winced in pain in an attempt to draw the others out. “I think I hurt my ankle.”

Cassian and Rhys made their way over. “Do you think you can walk on it?”

She nodded as Az helped her up. With Az on one side and Rhysand on the other, she leaned on them as they all began hobbling away.

Az kept mumbling apologies and his guilt was so clear that Elain actually felt bad for what was about to happen.

“Now!” Feyre yelled and Elain pushed the boys down, running to Azriel’s fort.

The boys, clearly confused, never saw the attack coming. Within seconds they were being pelted with snowballs and had absolutely no cover.

The sisters had overtaken their forts, snowball stashes, and were showing no mercy.

Once they realized what was happening the boys dropped to the ground and split, making them harder to hit. Az sprinted toward his fort where Elain was pelting snowballs and Feyre did the same to Rhys. Nesta was also ready, doing her best to slow Cassian from reaching his fort where she was currently stationed.

She got him good in the face once and then a couple to the chest, but she could only slow him down so much. She reached for another snowball but to her horror, there were none. She cursed Cassian for his lack of preparation. When she looked back up he was nowhere to be seen. She saw Rhys and Feyre chucking snow at each other and Az was practically letting Elain pile snow onto him.

“Looking for me sweetheart?” Nesta flinched as she heard a voice from behind her, no, above her.

She looked up to see Cassian holding a pile of snow over her head with a shit-eating grin on his face. “Cassian if you value your life you will seriously consider your options here and choose to not -”

She was interrupted as cold, wet snow fell on her face. Nesta could hear Cassian laughing as she furiously shook it off of her hair. “You are going to regret that.”

Nesta launched herself onto Cassian. He was clearly taken by surprise since he staggered, falling into the snow. Nesta was practically straddling him as she threw snow onto his face. Payback was a bitch.

“Okay okay you win,” Cassian said, muffled from all the snow. He even raised his hand in surrender. Nesta realizing her compromising position slowly began to push herself off when Cassian flipped them so he was on top of her. “Gotcha.”

Nesta tried not to flinch at their current position. Cassian had full control. He was bigger and she couldn’t move. For a moment she forgot where she was. She forgot Cassian was Cassian and that she was transported back to 6 months ago. It felt too much like the last time she had seen Tomas. The night where she decided she had finally had enough. Nesta hated how she couldn’t speak. Hated how she felt like she was suffocating.

As if Cassian could see her discomfort he released his grip and stepped back as quickly as he could. Nesta immediately drew her knees in and wrapped her arms around herself. She told herself to breathe. She was panicking she could feel it.

“Nesta look at me.”

“Nesta.”

“Nesta!” she made eye contact because of the pure worry coating his words.

“Breathe with me Nesta can you do that?” Cassian asked as he rubbed soothing circles with his hand on her calf.

She nodded slowly and followed his lead as he breathed in and out deeply. Storm grey eyes locked with honey-golden ones. After a few deep breaths, Nesta could feel herself relaxing. She removed her hands from her body. One she set flat on the snow just feeling the coolness and grounding herself to the present. The other squeezed Cassian’s hand. She was in control. She was with Cassian in Lake Tahoe not trapped in a small, dingy apartment with Tomas.

“I’m so sorry Nesta,” Cassian began as her breathing returned to normal. “I wasn’t thinking and I shouldn’t have - “

“It’s okay,” she cut him off. “How could you have known?” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

“Who hurt you?” he asked softly, though his hands slightly shook from restrained anger.

At that, Nesta pulled her hand away, suddenly uncomfortable. She’d never told anyone what happened, why she left Tomas. It reminded her why she had these walls up. Cassian was too close for comfort.

“Why?” she snapped, her worlds cold. “Would it make you treat me differently.”

“It would make me hunt them down and break every bone in their body,” he said with a deadly calm voice. It almost made Nesta afraid for Tomas if Cassian ever found out.

“You barely know me”

“I would do it for anyone.”

Nesta believed him, but that didn’t change the fact that she couldn’t trust him. People always betrayed her. She stood dusting the snow off of her body and left.

Cassian watched her go.

***

When she got back to her room she changed out of her soggy clothes into a warm, fleece sweater and pajama shorts. Lying in bed she pulled the covers up to her chin and watched the snow falling from her window. She liked Cassian. Maybe as a friend, maybe something more. A part of her wished she met him before Tomas broke her. Before, she could have maybe let him in. Maybe. Too many maybes. The truth was it was too late for her. She would be alone and she would be fine with it.

She heard her phone buzz. It had been a couple of hours. Feyre and Elain wanted her to eat dinner with all of them but she just couldn’t. She texted them saying she wasn’t feeling very well and went back to staring at nothing.

Nesta snapped out of her trance when she heard knocking at the door. She planned to ignore it but she instantly sat up when she heard his voice. “Nesta? Nesta, it’s me.”

She stood up and looked out her peephole. Cassian looked nervous and was holding a to-go bag. She hated to admit it, but she was hungry. She opened the door a crack and met his eyes. “I brought you a chicken sandwich,” he said softly as if he was worried about scaring her off.

“Thank you,” she said, taking the bag gingerly.

“Can I come in?” he asked putting his hands in his pockets. He almost looked awkward. It was so unlike him that she almost wanted to laugh.

She nodded opening the door open for him.

They sat at the edge of the bed and Nesta took out the sandwich, still warm.

They were quiet for a bit as Nesta ate and Cassian stared at the wall.

“What’s your favorite type of dog?” Cassian asked, finally breaking the silent tension.

Nesta couldn’t help her laugh of surprise. “What?”

He shrugged his shoulders “I’m just curious.”

“I like Dobermans.”

“Scary dogs.”

“I like them. Good guard dogs. Plus, they have cute faces.” Cassian laughed at that. “And you?” Nesta asked.

“I like german shepherds.”

It wasn’t surprising. Cassian sorta reminded her of a german shepherd. Big and intimidating at first, but sweet, thoughtful creatures through and through.

They talked about anything and everything. From their favorite colors to their least favorite vegetable. At one point Cassian made such a stupid joke they both laughed until they couldn’t breathe. Once they resituated themselves, their hands brushed. Nesta hated how her cheeks flushed at the contact. His eyes flicked to her lips and back to her eyes. As if some internal force was pulling them in, they both leaned, lips about to touch. Nesta wanted to give in and she almost did. Almost. 

But she couldn’t.

She stepped back quickly as if she was burned. “You should go.”

“Nesta I -”

“Go.”

He nodded. Jaw tense. He didn’t want to fight her.

Nesta sighed as he left. She didn’t want to push him away, she just couldn’t help it. She lied down closing her eyes just wanting this horrid day to end.

***

Nesta shot out of bed, heart beating quick, sweat coating her body. Nightmares weren’t new. What was new was the desire to see Cassian.

Before she could even comprehend what she was doing she was outside his door knocking.

A bleary-eyed Cassian opened the door.

“Nesta? What’s wrong.”

“I had a bad dream and I don’t know I just wanted to see you. You know uh this was dumb I think I’m just gonna go ba -”

“Nesta, wait,” he said grabbing her hand gently.

She turned slowly and his arms were outstretched. She didn’t even think, her body just reacted. She was instantly wrapping her small arms around his taut waist. He hugged her gently not wanting to trap her, stroking her hair and back gently.

They stayed there for a while. It was nice at least it was until Cassian asked, “do you wanna talk about it?”

Nesta dropped her arms and stepped back,  “I knew this was a mistake.”

“Nesta I just think talking would help you - “

“I don’t want to,” she snapped, walking away.

“Why do you push me away?” She didn't look back. “Nesta, I just want to help you.”

That had her turning around. “In case I haven’t made it clear, I don’t want your help. I don’t need it. I don’t need you. I don’t need anyone.”

Cassian sighed in exasperation, “Nesta that’s not what I meant I just want to be there for you.”

“Just leave me alone. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.”

At that she walked away, done with the conversation. Nesta continued walking even as she passed her room. She didn't want to be alone. She knew Feyre was staying with Elain since it was the day before the wedding and she and Rhysand were trying to be traditional. She knocked softly once she reached her door.

“Nesta?” Feyre asked rubbing the sleep from her eyes. “What’s wrong?”

Nesta couldn’t help her eyes from welling up with unshed tears. She sat on the bed between Feyre and Elain, not saying a word. “You can talk to us,” Feyre said, encouraging her. Elain nodded as she grabbed her hand gently. They gave her a moment, but as soon as Feyre put an arm around her it all came out. The truth about her breakup with Tomas. How he isolated her from everyone she ever knew. How he threatened to come after her if she left. How Cassian made her feel something she never expected to feel. How she was unfixable and afraid of letting him in.

Feyre and Elain listened and didn’t speak until she was done.

“I'm so sorry you went thought that Nesta," Elain said rubbing circles on her hand. "But you should know that you are one of the strongest girls I know. You deserve love and happiness. It’s been six months and Tomas is in the past for good. Not everyone is like him.”

“For what it’s worth Nesta, I know him very well and Cassian truly is a good guy. I know with 100% certainty he would never treat you like Tomas.” Feyre said, smiling softly. “And you’re not unfixable," she added firmly. "No one is unfixable. Don’t let the bad thoughts win. Don't let Tomas win.”

Nesta let the tears fall freely. She was so incredibly thankful for her sisters, so thankful to have had the chance to reconnect. She may not have had the words to show it, but her actions sure could. She pulled her two younger sisters, her best friends, into a group hug.

They lied in each other’s arms like they were children. Soon Feyre and Elain's breathing evened out and she knew they were sleeping. Nesta carefully climbed out of the bed, not wanting to wake them. As much as she wanted to stay, she needed time to think alone. She crept back into her own bed, utterly exhausted. As soon as she closed her eyes she fell asleep thinking about the boy right next door. So close, yet so far.