CG: EXCEPT FOR THE FAT AND LAZY PART AT TIMES.

TG: or kar

CG: NO.

CG: NO.

CG: JUST FUCKING--

TG: look man

CG: NEVERMIND.

CG: LOOK WHAT.

TG: got it

TG: that never happened

TG: there it goes

CG: GONE.

TG: out of our memory

CG: NO IT'S NOT.

CG: FORGIVEN MAYBE.

TG: oh look. it got hit by a bus..

CG: NEVER FORGOTTEN.

CG: OH SHIT.

TG: we should put it out of its misery

TG: but wait, it had a family back home

CG: OK FINE. BUT NOW I FEEL WEIRD.

CG: SOMEHOW RESPONSIBLE.

CG: OH.

CG: THEN IT'S OFF OUR BACKS.

TG: yup

TG: how are yall doing

CG: I AM ONE PERSON, STRIDER.

CG: WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS.

CG: YA'LL DOES NOT WORK ON A SINGLE PARTY.

TG: yeah it does

CG: UNLESS YOU MEAN ME, MYSELF AND I.

CG: WHAT.

CG: OH MY GOD YOUR WEIRD DIALECT.

TG: 'hey girl, how ya'll been doing'

TG: see bro

TG: it works

TG: just go with it

CG: IT MAKES MY HEAR DUCTS ITCH.

CG: LIKE IT'S JUST WRONG.

CG: IT FEELS DIRTY.

CG: WRONG, VILE, FILTHY.

CG: ANYWAY.

CG: HOW YA'LL DOING, DAVE?

TG: i swear to god its like communism when i talk to you or johnny boy

TG: oh.

TG: heh

TG: good

TG: hows that chair.

TG: not getting crotchity from being around you to much is it

CG: OH HA FUCKING HA.

TG: you have to admit that was fucking funny

CG: I MIGHT HAVE CRACKED A SMIRK.

TG: might have?

TG: well thats a start i guess.

CG: YOU CAN'T PROVE A DAMN THING.

CG: DON'T BE JEALOUS.

CG: IF YOU WANT TO USE THIS CHAIR, YOU MAY.

TG: oh yes, i'm jelly in need of toast karkat

CG: YOU SHOULD HAVE CAPTCHALOGUED YOUR OWN, BUT YOU'RE MY FRIEND SO.

CG: I AM ALL THE TOAST YOU NEED.

TG: oh my fucking god.

CG: WHAT.

TG: continue

CG: ABOUT THE CAPTCHALOGUING OR THE TOAST?

TG: one more. then i'll win vantas black out.

CG: OH FUCK YOU.

CG: FUCK RIGHT OFF.

TG: i wone bro. thats what i needed.

CG: KNOWING YOU YOU *DID* DRAW UP SOME KIND OF FUCKING CHECKLIST.

TG: rage on the game

CG: ARRRGHHH.

CG: FUCK YOUR GAMES TO THE DEEPEST DEPTHS OF YOUR HUMAN HELL.

TG: just playing with you man

TG: calm thy titays

CG: YOU KNOW A SWEEP AGO I WOULD HAVE BROKEN THIS CHAIR OVER YOUR HEAD.

CG: KEEP THAT IN MIND WHEN I AM THIS KIND TO YOU.

CG: REMEMBER HOW IT COULD HAVE BEEN.

CG: VERSUS HOW GOOD YOU HAVE IT NOW.

TG: i bet you you would have. that poor chair.

CG: THAT POOR CHAIR BOTH OF YOU INSIST ON DENYING.

CG: THIS THING LOVES TO BE STRADDLED.

TG: all it wants is some love. your love. i mean look at it.

TG: its dying to be caressed

CG: IT MIGHT APPRECIATE YOUR CROTCH TOO.

TG: kissed eve- woah now. slow down. i know we're bros but wow

CG: OH MY GOD I DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

CG: I'M JUST SAYING--

CG: GIVE THE CHAIR A CHANCE.

CG: IT MIGHT JUST SURPRISE YOU.

TG: ok. kat kar. i will give this chair a chance.

TG: i'll give it such a chance, that it will be weak in the knees

CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS A KATKAR EVEN? IS IT A VEHICULAR FELINE OR FELINE VEHICLE? I DON'T GET IT.

CG: OH MY GOD, DAVE.

TG: and it will tremble in the very sight of me

CG: DON'T GIVE IT THAT MUCH...PRESSURE.

CG: POOR CHAIR, GO EASY ON IT.

TG: did..

TG: did you just make a joke.

CG: NO, SHUT UP.

TG: or attempt even

TG: gasp

TG: i think you did

CG: SHUT IT!

CG: I WAS JUST WADING IN YOUR FUCKING MIRTH TIDE.

TG: houston, we have cleared tier two on the mission to a better vantas, over.

CG: YOUR DUMBASSERY IS KIND OF CONTAGIOUS--

CG: STOP CALLING HOUSTON ALREADY.

CG: HOUSTON CAN'T HEAR YOU.

TG: houston can hear me.

TG: he is me

TG: i am the houston.

TG: it is everything

CG: SO *THAT* IS YOUR CODE NAME.

CG: WE FINALLY HAVE A CODE NAME FOR YOU.

TG: wow. what.

CG: YES!

CG: I AM GOING TO BE KING CRAB.

CG: YOU CAN BE HOUSTON.

TG: how about instead of king crab..

TG: crabby ccnuffins

TG: *mcnuffinc

TG: *mcnuffins

CG: HAHAHAHAHA.

CG: THAT IS WAY TOO LONG TO REPEAT OVER AND OVER THOUGH.

CG: ALSO I AM NOT A MUFFIN, YOU SHITBALL.

TG: 'come in crabby mcnuffins, can you read me? come in crabby'

CG: FUCK YOU, HOUSTON. FUCK YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU STAND FOR.

TG: we can shorten it to crabby or mcnuffins if you want

CG: SO, CRABBY AND HOUSTON.

CG: ACCEPTABLE, I GUESS.

TG: very

TG: so, what are other code names

CG: WHAT, FOR ALL THESE OTHER TOOLS WE COMMUNICATE WITH?

CG: THE SAME TOOLS WHO IGNORE ME WHEN I TRY TO CALL THEM?

TG: yes, those gardening tools.

TG: does the chair know?

TG: wow, drama

CG: LAY OFF MY RAKE, WE HAVE SOMETHING SPECIAL.

TG: back to the topic. yes those tools that refse to answer their lord crabby mcnuffins

CG: KANAYA DOESN'T WANT TO USE A CODE NAME, ROSE WANTS ME TO USE SOMETHING INVOLVING SMUPPETS TO EMBARRASS YOU, AND TEREZI...

CG: WELL, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT HER LATELY.

TG: ok so heres what i'm thinking

TG: kanaya can be the plow

TG: rose can be the hoe

CG: OH MY GOD, ARE YOU REALLY DOING THIS RIGHT NOW.

TG: and terezi needs to figure her chit out

TG: *shit

CG: HER CHIT TOO.

CG: SHE HAS NO FUCKING CLUE.

TG: how is she right now?

CG: SHE'S... WELL, SHE'S ALRIGHT. SHE'S JUST EMOTIONAL.

CG: SHE'LL BE OKAY, I THINK.

CG: I HOPE.

CG: I WISH I COULD DO MORE FOR HER.

TG: more is generally better

CG: YOU'RE A DICK.

CG: BUT STILL.

CG: I FEEL SO FUCKING POWERLESS, YOU KNOW?

TG: yeah

TG: just hang in there, for her you know

CG: HOW UH

CG: HOW ARE YOU DOING?

CG: YOU SEEM PRETTY CHILL.

TG: i'm as chill as ice right now. just listening to you babble and all in all , i'm doing alright

TG: could be better though

CG: OF COURSE IT COULD. ANYTHING IS AN IMPROVEMENT OVER WAITING TO CRASH INTO SKAIA AND POSSIBLY KILL OURSELVES WHEN THE FUCKING METEOR JUST KEEPS MOVING.

CG: IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S GOT BRAKES.

CG: FUCK.

CG: THERE ARE TIMES, RARE TIMES BUT TIMES NO LESS, THAT I COULD BE AS EASYGOING AS YOU ARE.

TG: truthfully..

TG: i'm barely keeping it together. but i'm doing it for the rest of them you know?

TG: because i guess i feel like if i'm not strong and relaxed, who would be?

TG: shit. i sound so self centered righ now

TG: but whatever

CG: NO NO.

CG: IT'S FINE.

CG: I LOSE MY SHIT AND POP MY FUCKING TOP ALL THE TIME. I TRY TO KEEP IT TOGETHER FOR THE SAKE OF OTHERS.

CG: AND I GUESS MY WAY OF DOING THAT IS PUTTING MY OWN ISSUES ON THE BACK BURNER.

CG: I MEAN, I AM STILL JUST AS USELESS AS I WAS WHEN I WAS AN ACTUAL LEADER BUT.

TG: you may be high strung, a bullet in a gun set to go off, and a bit controling, but you arent useless

TG: youre anything but that

CG: THANKS MAN.

TG: anytime

CG: YOU'RE UH

CG: I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SAY THIS

CG: BUT YOU'RE A GOOD FRIEND.

TG: not to shabby yourself

TG: i mean your a little rough around the edges

TG: but that will buff out eventually

CG: OH PLEASE, LIKE YOU'RE THE ARCHETYPE OF A PERFECT FRIEND.

CG: NOT THAT I'D KNOW. MOST OF MY FRIENDS, WELL.. YOU SEE THEM.

TG: yeah. not much competition

TG: i'd say i outshine them all

CG: SAD BUT TRUE.

CG: NOW BRING YOUR STUPID CAPE OVER HERE.

CG: I GET TO TOUCH THE CAPE NOW.

TG: what.

TG: no

TG: thats like wearing the glasses

TG: doesnt happen

TG: hey dude

CG: WHAT.

CG: NO.

CG: WHAT??

TG: do you purr

CG: I.

CG: ...

CG: MAYBE.

TG: so yes

CG: HE PURRS LIKE A KITTEN -- JOHNHIJACKEDCOMPUTER

TG: oh hey, look at that. you got wheelbarrow there

CG: OH MY FLKSDMFA

CG: FUCKING GOD.

CG: IGNORE HIM.

CG: FUCKING IDIOT.

CG: AND NO, I DON'T PURR.

CG: WELL, I CAN.

CG: BUT I DON'T.

TG: so tell me. do you dump all your shit on him.

CG: DEFINE SHIT.

TG: take the meaning as you will

CG: EW.

CG: AND NO.

TG: just wondering

TG: i'm still referring to him as wheelbarrow though

CG: JUST LIKE YOU WONDER IF I PURR.

CG: WHY WHEELBARROW?

TG: you can put things in wheelbarrows and they dont complain

TG: and you can push them around

TG: but thats irrelevant

CG: I COULD DO THE SAME TO YOU IF I GAGGED YOU.

CG: SO WHAT.

TG: woah. woah. WOAH. WHAT DID VANTAS JUST SAY

CG: VANTAS JUST SAID HE COULD MAKE YOU A FUCKING SILENT BITCH IF HE WANTED TO.

CG: SO QUIT TALKING SHIT.

TG: point taken and respected

CG: GOOD MAN.

TG: woof

TG: i expect a treat now

CG: I GOT A TREAT FOR YOU.

CG: THIS FINE FOUR LEGGED BEAUTY HERE.

CG: YOU CAN SIT ON HER.

TG: its a chair

TG: ...

CG: INDEED SHE IS.

TG: thats not my thing but who am i to judge

CG: AND THIS IS YOUR TREAT FOR BEING SO GOOD.

CG: WHAT.

CG: WHAT'S NOT YOUR THING?

CG: COME ON.

CG: BE OPEN MINDED.

TG: i cant man

TG: she only has eyes for you

TG: and plus

TG: shes a bit to small for my taste

TG: so, what does one have to do to make you purr like a kitten

CG: TOO SMALL? SO STRIDER DOESN'T CARE MUCH FOR THE PETITE ONES.

CG: YOU HAVE TO WRAP ME IN YOUR CAPE.

TG: how would sir wheelbarrow know this. he lacks in capage

CG: HE HAS A WAY WITH HIS HANDS.

CG: I LIKE TO HAVE MY HORNS PET.

TG: is there something shair, rake, and myself should know about

TG: *chair

CG: YES, HOUSTON, I AM AFRAID I MUST BE FRANK WITH YOU.

CG: I WAS THE ONE WHO DREW A PENIS ON YOUR CHEEK.

TG: what.

CG: YUP.

CG: AND IT WAS ME WHO SPILLED COFFEE ON YOUR CAPE JUST SO YOU'D HAVE TO WASH IT.

CG: AND I TOOK IT OUT AND WORE IT BEFORE YOU CAUGHT ME.

CG: THAT THING HAS KARKAT COOTIES.

TG: no wonder i've been ...crabby

TG: dude, you shed like a cat

CG: OH HELL NO.

TG: i thought john got a hold of it

CG: FUCK YOU I AM NOT THAT HAIRY OK!

TG: not *that* hairy. i see how it is

CG: UGH.

CG: THIS COMING FROM YOU WHO IS PRACTICALLY FUCKING HAIRLESS.

CG: EVEN YOUR HAIR IS FINE AND SILKY. IT'S WEIRD.

CG: YOU'RE WEIRD.

TG: you know you like it

CG: NOT AS MUCH AS YOU THINK I DO.

TG: then i guess you dont want in this cape

CG: YES I DO.

CG: YOU KNOW DAMN WELL I DO.

CG: I AM USING YOU TO GET TO IT, WE ALL KNOW THIS.

CG: SO LEMME IN, I WANT TO SNUGGLE THE SHIT OUT OF THAT WILY FUCKER.

TG: fine.

TG: i wanted you to say snuggle is all

TG: have at this amazing piece of material

TG: after all, it is attached to me

CG: WHAT IF I ACCIDENTALLY SNUGGLE THE BACK IT'S ATTACHED TO?

TG: that would be expected and perfectly fine

CG: I GET HANDSY WHEN I GET SNUGGLY.

CG: I MIGHT TRY TO HOLD YOUR HAND OR SOMETHING REALLY AWFUL.

CG: SO DON'T LET ME.

TG: oh i'm going to let you

CG: THAT'S A RISK YOU'RE RUNNING, BUDDY.

CG: DON'T COMPLAIN AT ME WHEN I WIND UP IN YOUR LAP PURRING.

TG: its the least i can do.

TG: its for the better good

CG: THE BETTER GOOD?

CG: WHAT BETTER GOOD?

CG: THE GOOD OF THE FUCKING NATION?

CG: THE GOOD OF OUR FRIENDSHIP?

CG: IF WE'RE GONNA DO THIS, WE NEED TO GO ALL OUT.

CG: YOU HAVE TO PET ME.

TG: the good of lets do this

CG: AND I SWEAR TO DOG IF YOU REEK OF APPLE JUICE...

TG: well it looks like we cant them

TG: *then

CG: YOU KNOW WHAT, IT'S FINE. YOU'RE NOT KISSING ME SO WE'RE GOOD.

CG: APPLE JUICE IS SO FUCKING STICKY SWEET.

TG: but bro. what if i do kiss you.

TG: like a tiny bit

TG: youre in my lap *purring*

TG: its going to happen

CG: THEN JUST... TAKE IT EASY ON THE TONGUE. I DON'T NEED TO DRINK AJ THROUGH YOU.

CG: I JUST SAID AJ.

TG: ok. i can settle for that

CG: UGH.

TG: and i'm so proud

CG: SOON I'LL BE SAYING YA'LL LIKE IT'S NORMAL.

TG: shit, then you can touch the chades

TG: *shades

CG: I WOULD BE SATISFIED TO JUST SEE YOU WITHOUT THEM ON FOR ONCE IN YOUR EXISTENCE.

TG: note taken

CG: MAYBE GET A LOOK AT WHAT LIES BENEATH THOSE LENS SHIELDS.

TG: that would have to be one hardcore cuddle session

CG: HOW MANY PAIRS DO YOU HAVE CAPTCHALOGUED, DAVE?

TG: i dont know

CG: I CAN GET HARDCORE, YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

CG: OR MAYBE THE QUESTION IS DO YOU LOSE PAIRS OF GLASSES? I MEAN FUCK YOU GOD TIERED WITH THEM ON DIDN'T YOU?

TG: yeah

CG: I DON'T KNOW HOW ANYONE COULD VYE FOR ANY OF YOUR QUADRANTS AS YOU'RE HUMAN MARRIED TO THOSE THINGS.

TG: its part of me though

TG: like crabby is to you

CG: CRABBY IS A PART OF MY PERSONALITY, YOU TWIT.

CG: YOUR SHADES ARE...

CG: ...WELLL.

CG: I GUESS THEY ARE FUSED TO YOU.

CG: KIND OF A PART OF YOUR SCHTICK.

CG: WHATEVER, I'LL SEE PAST THEM ONE DAY.

TG: less talk and more cuddle