#msaps

Dear 9gagger,

Hello again. It's been awhile isn't it? 

I'm still doing great. I'm trying to be as fit as a fiddle, but it seems that I can't. I've been playing some Portal lately, and Left for Dead 2. It helps me cope. but I've been having some bad dreams. I blame the Zombies.

I just want to tell you what happened today. We went to a wedding. It was my cousin's, we came just in time. I was in tears throughout the ceremony. For one, I saw my mom, who used to have Daddy, crying and remembering the happy times when he used to be there, and then there's me, thinking about the future, about me.

Can I get married? I'm too young to ask such, but it doesn't hurt to ask every now and then. Every girl has dreamed of getting married once.

In my case, I dream of getting married to a lovely man (a bit older than me, if you want me to be honest) in one of the prettiest churches in the area. And as I walk down the isle, my Mother and Father are hooked to each of my arms, everyone stares and sees how pretty I am, how beautiful I look, and for once I can be vain, awfully vain about myself.

And Once I come around the end of that red carpet, I see him, that lovely man, his eyes glazed at me underneath that veil, as he takes me away from my parents, he mouths the words 'You look beautiful' and the ceremony begins.

These thoughts raced through my head during that whole wedding procession. It must sound very stupid, I know, but I can't help it. It must really be a girl thing to think of such. 

But I know, at least right now, that this dream of mine won't be real. Daddy's gone forever, and how can I find someone to love me like I want them to? It's hard, especially since I've hurt too many people. Including you. I've never lost touch with reality. That's one thing.

Have I ever told you that I once thought of spending my whole life with you? I know That's not going to happen. Not now. Not ever. 

I want to say more, but this letter is getting long, I'm sorry. 

Dear 9gagger,

I'm writing to you again.

Summer has started, as you can see. I'll bet you're out of the country right now. You must be having fun. I'm doing swell, if swell is the right word. I'm recovering from what happened. The Youth Group is doing wonders for me. Maybe that's what I've been needing all this time: The Divine Touch from the Lord.(But I do think that a Divine beating is a better description).

I've been watching a lot of movies.too. A wide arrange of Animation to Real-time Movie Documentaries. I watched Forrest Gump. I remembered you telling me that you really liked that movie. I can see why now, though.Forrest acts exactly like you; from how you walk to how you look at things. I have mixed feelings with Jenny. Do you think the same way? I hope so. But given her position, I'd be just like her. I wouldn't want a sweet, sensual guy to settle down with a messed-up girl. I don't know. Jenny did her move a little too late. You were waiting too long and it was too late.

If you did not understand the paragraph above, I apologize. I speak in riddles, that's what I learned. Maybe that's why no one understood what I've felt all this time. I rhyme, yes. My words have always been twisted for them. My jokes find their way to turn themselves into insults despite my efforts. It really is hard to understand one's perception to someone, let alone change it. But it is also my fault to not explain, to you, and to others, what I was trying to say. I am trying to convince myself that it's better that way, but a tiny voice says otherwise.I was never good with handling people. I've been wondering how have I survived for so long.

Though I do believe that it is right for me to hush myself for now. Lie Low. Their Blood is still still boiling, and I need my time alone. 

More letters and much love.

Dear 9gagger,

It’s funny how I’ve noticed you now, it’s been so long, since I’ve met you, and from the 3 1/4 years of being together, I’m pretty impressed that you caught my eye.

Well, maybe not impressed. To be honest, I am a bit annoyed. You’ve always known that i have to study right? And I did, I’ve pushed this weird feeling inside of me for so many months. I don’t really know what it is. It’s queasy and slimy and it makes me feel like a hipster girl who just bought her Starbucks coffee and pictured herself with it or when I have just finished my favorite cartoon series that it makes me feel great and stuff. 

And it’s stupid that I can’t tolerate these feelings anymore. The feelings are too much that I can’t pick up all of them and stuff them in the back of my head anymore. It kinda sucks, you know? I think it does. I don’t really know about you if you don’t know what I mean then.

That’s all,