Well, i should be reviewing but i donāt fully understand the topics so i stopped. Then, i came across with some post ā I have so many close friends but when the time come that they will be ask to choose, i will never be the choiceā
Because i feel the same. Iām no ones favorite friend. Iām just somebodyās friend for a certain moments of their lives. Honestly, iām still wondering who really is my friend? Am i a friend to them? Do they consider me as a friend?
I feel jealous for people who have their bestfriends. I donāt have bestfriend. Only close friends but iām not sure if close enough or if they feel the same way. Iām tired of shallow conversations anymore. Iām not into gossips or petty conversations. Right now, what i need is to talk about life and the deepest thoughts in the mind.Ā
Sometimes, i feel like my so-called friend consider me as competition. Yes, that person may have negative constructs and low self-esteem but the unconscious surface. My friend keeps on comparing and never cheer on my small achievements. That person can see the beauty on others but never compliments my own beauty. Well, i donāt need the compliment because my self-image is enough. Of course, i also need some appreciation. I feel like as that person opens the mouth it is full of negativity. Yes, iām a coward for not telling it. What a good friend I am, right? š Well, there is also goodness in my friend, i appreciate that.Ā
I guess, the problem is iām expecting too much for people. I must allow people to be the person they needed to be at a certain moment. I must accept that people are not always in good shape.
I canāt change them but i can change my way in dealing with the negativity without being affected.
Yes, iām out topic. That is only a side story.
What i really want to say is that, i feel sad for not being someoneās first choice. Iām always that average friend. Iām the friend when everything is convenient. Treat me as a friend because maybe they feel sorry for me. I donāt know.
Iām being too skeptical.