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The Splenda and the Birds and the Bees
MS: Is that sugar?
MP: No, it's Splenda.
MS: That's still sugar.
MP: No, it's an artificial sweetener.
MS: That still has all of the same things as sugar.
MP: You don't know how a lot of things work, do you?
MS: Oh, I know. I know all about it. The birds get with the bees.
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I'm moving to California
MS: Don't move to California. They have wildfires there. Don't wear anything flammable.
BS: Aren't most things flammable?
MS: Not water. Not stone. That's what the Three Little Pigs was about. The brick house was the only one that survived.
MP: You know that story first appeared in print before California was even a territory, right?
MS: No, Disney Studios did it. You can look at the landscape and it's clearly California. I believe it was an allegory for the depression.
MP: I'm not talking to you anymore.
On Catcher in the Rye
MS: I liked it. I mean, it was no Jaws, but I liked it.
When he was called by a wrong number
MS: You're talking Spanish how am I supposed to understand that!
MS: There's no 'just you' in team
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On Narwhals
MS: It looks like a corndog! Hold it upside down and it's just a corndog. That's what they should have called it.
Cain without his Abel
MS: I can't go out Friday night without my mojo. It's like Hercules without his hair. Like Cain without his Abel.
MP: You know Cain killed Abel, right?
MS: No I have no idea.
Tapas
JS: Do you know what tapas is?
MS: Sure. It's a kind of shoe made in the Dominican Republic. High tapas sneakers. It's like the ethnic version of the campus Converse.
JS: Wanna try again?
MS: Isn't it finger food for poor people?
JS: Closer.
