#mrhammer

At a club meeting I had this Monday, we talked about evangelism, which is basically nonexistent for Catholics but apparently as Christians we should totally be doing this (#things Ramona and every Catholic fails to bother about), and someone brought up how not preaching the bible could lead to separations with family/friends/nonbelievers when God came to "save us all" and stuff. This irks me in so many ways. And I don't know why (well, yeah I do). Another point was brought up that, (so begins this analogy...) if there was a train approaching (i.e. God) and you see it, but your friend does not, it's still your duty to tell your friend, even if they choose to not believe it, else they get hit and die (i.e. go to hell). Being, a non-religious (liberal), religious person, this still bothers me to no end. To me, God=Buddha=Allah=Hari=Ormazd=Jesus=doesanyofthisreallymatter?! The fact that I consider myself more religious than most people in my family is worrisome, considering I follow dogma like I follow my TomTom: with lots of cursing, and listening to it only when I get lost, and only after it has fallen off my dashboard and I have to dig it out from under my seat. I do believe though, really. Honest. 

I will not hesitate to proclaim my own beliefs, and I know that non-religious people really don't like preachers, and I know I get annoyed as fuck when scientologists hand out their fliers when I happen to be enjoying my day. I just can't help struggle with the logic of it all. "God" doesn't make any sense to me anymore, especially after Religion classes in high school. I mean sure, we were taught everything we needed to know about Christian history and the bible, BUT then introduced to basically every major religion in society (including atheism). How did they expect that not to fuck with our brains?  I can never express how much I appreciated learning about Taoism and Daoism and Confucianism and all that, but as much as that made me more accepting (than I already was, since half my family and most of my friends are Buddhist), my beliefs got all fucked up. Like, what is Hell anyway? And why the fuck does God make love so conditional? Why all the Gay/racial/societal/dogoodworksoryougotohell hate so prominent in society? What ever happened to loving and why does loving other "as I have loved you" only apply at schools like Ramona where everyone is so liberal, religion doesn't really even matter? Why do people have to know God in order to be good people and why the fuck is being a good person not enough?  

I feel like I shouldn't be calling myself religious at all after saying all of this, but truly, I do believe, I just can't help taking a socratic view of all of this. Some part of me thinks that I was programed by my family to believe, and quietly brainwashed because I knew nothing else. I can totally see myself as a Buddhist, or a Muslim, yet I actually do believe, as least, that's what I'm trying to convince myself.  Or is it? Psychology states that along with political preferences, religious views are partially genetic. Yet, with education, my dad, once a Catholic is now atheist. Which begs the question, is ignorance bliss in the actual sense of the world (heavenly, soothing, etc.)? If so, why are so many Christians brought into the church during college?