“Wiggle Your Toes” 

Miriam’s Story 

Once upon a time, I was an employee relations specialist for the New York State Teachers’ Retirement System. I had a lot of responsibilities, and I was good at my job. My job was kind of like human resources. I was a mediator! I liked it, it was fun. Sometimes it was intense, but I could always find a way to settle it the arguments within the union.

I was a runner, and I was close to my family.

My family is amazing. I am one of 6 kids. My brothers and sisters are married, and I have 8 nieces and nephews. Amanda, Wayne, Miriam, Mychael. I’m the middle daughter. My family is really close. I have some family in New Orleans, and we travel back and forth a lot.  

I had my stroke after I was at a conference for work in Saratoga. It was 3 days long and I was with my friends, Beth and Scott. After the conference, Beth and I went to the Loft and Banana Republic and parted ways. I went home and chilled and drank a glass of wine. Then, I got a second glass of wine and I went to the bathroom. All of a sudden, I threw up and I crawled to the front door and I had no idea what was going on. So, I crawled to my bedroom and laid on the couch. Then, I spent 2 or 3 hours confused and throwing up. Then I decided to crawl to the front door and closed it. I crawled up to the stairs to bed. I slept for 2 days. I didn’t notice that my phone was going to die. My family couldn’t get ahold of me. Finally, Mychael and Dad found me in bed. In that moment, when they found me, I was peaceful. Peace was upon me. I knew that it was going to be okay. The next thing I remember was being in a hospital bed. The doctor shaved the left side of my head. My head and face were swollen like a balloon. All of this happened July 24, 2015. I was in the hospital for 3 weeks, then I went to Sunnyview for about 2 months.

Right after my stroke, I had a trach in for a few weeks. I couldn’t even try to speak for the first few weeks because of that. Even after the trach came out, it was healing, so I still couldn’t talk too much. My first day at Saint Rose communication group was so hard, and even now it’s so hard. From where I was to now, it’s amazing, but I want it all.

What are some challenges you face and what are some strategies you use? Talking is a challenge. I always know what I want to say, it’s just so hard to get the words out. I use my phone a lot. I take photos and use apps. Once in a while I’ll get depressed. For a while, I was just depressed. I was like, what happened? I was fine, and then this happened. I’m good now, but it happens. It’s hard, but there’s a purpose for everything. I don’t know what it is, but I’ll find it soon. I’m determined. It’s hard, but day by day. I take it day by day.

I listen to music, and I cook! I like baking. It’s hard because I don’t know who I am or what I’m doing. Like you’re a carpenter and that’s great, but I don’t know, I just have to figure it out. I’m jogging and getting ready for the marathon, but I don’t know. I exercise, I want to open a boutique someday. Patience, patience, patience. I’ve learned to have so much patience.

I grew up in Little Rock, Arkansas, but now I’m in Albany. I lived in Little Rock for maybe 12 years. I was born there, and I left around middle school and moved here. I went to SUNY Albany for my bachelors and Sage College for my masters.  

The groups at St. Rose are so fun. It’s interactive. I listen and it’s amazing. It is amazing. Everyone is talking even though it is so hard. Everyone is still getting better and it is amazing.

The Moving Message means a lot to me. I never imagined the stroke, but now I’m thankful. I just pray about it, but the Moving Message allows me to know I’m not alone.

What can I do now that I couldn’t before? Everything! Everything. I am completely independent now. It’s been so hard. I never, never saw it coming. I was so young, and I was the life of the party. I know there was a purpose for it, but I don’t know what it is yet. I pray that I will understand someday. I want it all, or even just a sign to understand what this is.

I want my listeners to listen and be attentive. I will ask questions if I need to. I want to try and do it on my own, but if I need help, I will ask.

After my stroke, when I went home, I was angry. I was like, what happened? I was surprised and confused. Then, it was like maybe it was the medicine, the birth control? Then it was like, all right, now what? When it happened, I was like what the hell! Now, I’m like all right. It’s hard though. Once in a while I’ll cry, but I always pick myself up.