#mortimer smith

Morty is a bad father and a good father at the same time: some thoughts about invalidation and gaslighting.

Okay I'm gonna explain what invalidation is and I'll make a little recap of Raising Gazorpazorp before making it to the point, bear with me.

When I watched Raising Gazorpazorp for the first time, it really resonated with me. In that episode Morty was totally unprepared to take the responsibility of a new life. While Rick basically disappears immediately with the "excuse" of understanding the Gazorpazorp lore, leaving Morty to deal with something that Rick himself totally allowed and encouraged in the first place, Morty's parents do even worse: first they try to impose their parenting methods, completely unaware of their toxicity and the mistakes they did as parents...

then they just sit there, waiting for their son to fail bcs their frail ego was hurt by Morty trying to do better then them, something that he tried to do not bcs he wanted to prove some point, but just bcs he wanted to save his son from the pain he experienced as the scapegoat of a toxic family system.

Beth and Jerry do not provide any insight or emotional support to Morty when they totally should (silent gaslighting), instead, they double down. They just act contemptuous and stay cold, because all they care about is to prove how good they are as parents (spoiler, they're not, they're not even decent ppl in general 💀).

So, we know Beth and Jerry are nightmarish parents, but was Morty a bad father to Jr?

The short answer is yes, because Morty Jr. felt confused, betrayed and manipulated by his father, but at the same time is no, bcs Morty truly tried his best to take care about his son, and most importantly he never negates that Jr. childhood was messed up, he truly care abt what Morty Jr feels and wants since the beginning.

Let's find a more fulfilling and far more complicated answer.

A fundamental thing I learned when studying narcissism, is that often is more important to know what isn't toxic, to spot what is toxic. It's easier to get an answer to the original question if we understand that negating or dismissing other people's feelings, is never healthy. Invalidation is never healthy.

Invalidation is a human thing, something that can also happen (in good faith) in healthy relationships, that's why I'll leave you this short video abt it, that is just a treat.

Basically when we tell "I feel this way abt something" and another person minimize the feeling, says to stay positive instead of letting us process it, says that we are too sensitive and criticize us for even having the feeling, that's invalidation in different forms. It's not entirely denying our reality, that is instead what gaslighting is about, denying or distorting something that happened or that we feel.

Invalidation is about dismissing a feeling that should instead have its own space.

In Morty Daddy preview, what Jerry is doing is gaslighting:

between the lines, he is denying that he is a bad father, he's denying that something traumatizing like a parent lying to you and locking u in the house has ever happened to Morty Jr., he is denying the abuse, the neglect and the trauma (Jr. is his grandson btw, he should have loved him instead of worrying about his crashed car)

Beth is gaslighting Morty in an even worse way, trying to shape Morty's thoughts and feelings abt Jr., literally by pushing Morty into thinking that he hates his own child (just like she does, that's projection and a justification abt herself), when Morty actually deeply cares about his son, his feelings and well being since the very first day. So he totally doesn't hate Morty Jr. and it shows, he's worried abt him. (The fact that Beth is gaslighting Morty it doesn't have to be intentional or malicious, is just her being so self-absorbed to see every person as reflection of herself)

It's so heartbreaking how anxious Morty sounds when he says " you think he's dying?" the gasp before the sentence💔

Summer and Rick are those invalidating instead: Summer basically goes "I know you feel sorry and responsible for your difficult child, but you shouldn't, no one should and no one does." and Rick basically follows on the same page. And this is toxic, but not as grave as Beth and Jerry's behavior (to me).

This was a moment where Morty needed support, both emotional and practical, and his needs met once again with invalidation, indifference, gaslighting and contempt.

BUT(t) I really liked this difference between Rick and Summer vs Beth Jerry bcs it doesn't make things cheese: Rick and Summer are maturing and changing consistently since several seasons, while this is the first season we see some actual improvement on Beth and Jerry side, so it's good to see consistency with the fact that they have a lot of stuff to unpack before some actual change can happen.

When a person feels something, you cannot discard that something just bcs you feel unconformable with it. That person feeling, is real, and no one can tell them otherwise. Trying to discard other people feelings, to leave them unprocessed or worse, trying to erase those feelings completely by gaslighting ppl, is what really erodes a person's sanity and sense of trust in themselves. Because we are what we feel, we are not ourselves without our feelings.

And that's our answer: Morty is a good and a bad parent at the same time.

He does bad in the first place, he is unprepared and he lies out of fear, but he's not invalidating and negating his son inner world. He is not negating him as an individual, instead he is encouraging and supporting him in a healthy way, he tries to do his best to understand him, and that's what makes him a better parent than Jerry, Beth or Rick.

Morty ends up hurting his child bcs he is living in a toxic and hostile environment, under too much pressure, with unresolved trauma triggered as hell by handling a difficult newborn. As many parents coming from toxic families or dealing with a toxic partner, Morty looses his shit, bcs that's what a human does when their abuse was never resolved or is still ongoing.

You don't need to be a narcissist to traumatize your kids (that's why I always stress so much on the fact that emotional abuse, is not the same thing as narcissistic abuse and doesn't have the same ramifications). In the end, Morty tried to give tools, love and safety to his child. Saying that he tried his best, is not the old excuse for a shitty parent that handled parenthood like an irresponsible toddler or a cruel n4zi, cutting all the resources, withholding love, care and life tools from their kids, belittling them and clipping their wings: we see Morty really changing and adapting to protect this kid at his best. He admits his mistakes...

...he supports him in his aspirations and he's not mad about his son anger, he understands him, he tries to give him the best tools he has and all the love he can.

Jr. outcome was actually quite good in fact: despite a difficult childhood, he managed to write a best seller, he moved in his own apartment at a very young age, he believed in himself enough to speak out about his trauma, and probably to open up with a therapist, during a very short life. He didn't become an assassin, and if we think about his species, he is the best, most virtuous result you could possibly achieve from a Gazorpazorp.

Of course, personal achievements are not the direct consequence of our parent behavior, but the tools, the advantages and disadvantages our environment gave to us, surely have an impact on our lives, negatively or positively.

Farley aka FAR aka Family Annihilator Rick

An unusually young Rick with an unusually old Morty…

Lore under the cut!

"Ricks don't care about Mortys"

Redraw of this art of mine from 2017: