#morktawan

Made @bengiyo and @lurkingshanshan get up early today so they could experience me and @neuroticbookworm's reactions to My Ride Episode 8. Mostly because NBW has been wanting Por to get punched in his stupid goddamn face for the last two weeks, and because I think everyone knew I would lose my shit at that undressing scene. Which I did, in case you were wondering. 

ANYWAY. Over the last couple weeks as I’ve been watching My Ride, these clowns have had to listen to me say over and over again how much I truly appreciate the dynamic between Mork and Tawan. And by that I mean helpers helping helpers, and because I have seen how Mork and Tawan interact with each other throughout this show, I have started developing a theory as to why so many BL boys get sick (especially when it rains or when people are stressed), and a lot of it has to do with reciprocity. Obviously, this will not hold for all shows but, nevertheless…

When I think of BLs where someone gets sick and has to be taken care of, I think of shows like The Eclipse, Bed Friend, and Our Dining Table (I know rain and sickness feature as a heavy part of Tokyo in April Is…but that illness serves as a completely separate plot device) and I think about how the dynamics of the characters play out in terms of how frequently they are being taken care of by their partners versus how often they are taking care of their partners. 

And in pretty much every case, the person who ends up getting sick and needing to be cared for, is the person that spends more of their time caring for their partner. Which is to say, that there is frequently an imbalance in how much (typically) emotional support characters need. [And again, I will take a moment to specify that imbalances happen in relationships and that does not make the relationship bad, or toxic and that does not make a person or character who does not give or receive support as frequently bad people either. It is okay for people to have more needs, it is okay for people to require more support, it is okay for imbalances to exist in a relationship]

gif by @choikangho

In The Eclipse, Ayan spends a lot of his time throughout the entire show making sure that Akk won’t kill himself. Sure, he pokes and prods and is annoying about it at times, but it goes without question that Ayan is putting in a lot more time and energy, especially before they get together in trying to pull Akk out of the mess he has gotten himself in to. Ayan, who is himself grieving the loss of his beloved uncle, pushes that aside time and time again to hold Akk when he cries, to let Akk know he can be weak with him, to being patient and guiding Akk as he navigates his internalized homophobia, to push back against the mindset Akk has been developing thanks to Teacher Chadok. And, it is at this point I will say that Ayan is not alone here, Akk supports him plenty, but in the beginning it is much more tentative and in those moments where Akk wants to comfort or support Ayan, Ayan still has to guide him- Akk sees Ayan being targeted by the teachers, and part of him knows that isn’t right or fair, and he goes to seek out Ayan after Ayan does not appear in class, and all the support he is capable of showing Ayan is sitting there with him in silence. It is Ayan that puts his head on Akk’s shoulder, it is Ayan that asks Akk if he will treat him the same way the teachers are. Akk wakes up to find Ayan gone from the tent and crying outside alone and he takes the words that Ayan said to him when he needed support and gives them back to Ayan, and once again it is Ayan who sinks in to Akk’s shoulder, initiating contact. Ayan guides their first kiss, Ayan is honest about his feelings, Ayan does not get upset when Akk cannot at first admit his feelings for him, he does not get upset when Akk tries to provoke a fight. Akk holds Ayan when he’s having nightmares and that is the one time that he initiates actual physical comfort with Ayan before they kiss, and it is when Ayan is not awake to witness it, and Akk does throw it in his face a little bit the next morning. 

But in Episode 9, Ayan gets sick and Akk takes him home, and Akk gives him a sponge bath, and Akk holds his hand, and Akk falls asleep next to him, and Akk jokes around with him when they are washing dishes, and you can start to see the shift. Akk has started to question his school, his place, himself and his desires, he has started to get more comfortable with his sexuality, to get more comfortable around the boy he likes and so Akk takes care of Ayan. Because Ayan needs to be taken care of too. Because Ayan is stressed out too. Because Ayan is depressed and grieving and angry. And that has suddenly become too much for him to handle, and so it is time for Akk to put aside his own anxieties, his own doubts, his own fears and focus on giving comfort to the person who has given so much care to him. 

And it is worth mentioning that I do love the fact that after Episode 9 almost every single time one of them is upset, the other is also upset, especially in Episodes 10 and 11, I am so here for the way that both of them are comforting each other while they cry over different parts of the same problem. 

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gif by @kolaicendionysos

In Our Dining Table, Yukata is always going to Minoru’s house, he is always cooking for Minoru and Tane, he is always helping take care of Tane. While Minoru is unaware of the way that being around him and Tane has been helping Yutaka heal old wounds, Yutaka is spiritually and physically providing a lot of support to those boys. When Ueda-san is out, the burden of raising Tane has been lifted in part by having an additional set of hands. Minoru doesn’t have to worry about Yutaka being upset that Tane is with him, Minoru doesn’t have to worry that Yutaka will be annoyed at Tane for being a child. Minoru, who has given up so readily and so willingly so much of his life to make sure his baby brother has the love and support he deserves, finally has someone enter his life that loves and supports him in a way no one ever really has. Minoru doesn’t have a career, Yutaka does, Minoru has not completed his education, Yutaka has, Minoru has a lot of family responsibilities, Yutaka doesn’t. So in their relationship to and with one another, Yutaka typically needs less support. Then he gets sick. And that becomes Minoru’s opportunity to repay all the kindness Yutaka has shown him and his family. Minoru gets to cook for Yutaka instead of Yutaka cooking for Minoru and Tane (or Minoru gets to cook for Yutaka instead of with Yutaka), Minoru gets to replace the fever patches on Yutaka’s forehead, Minoru gets to stay there, with Yutaka and listen to him, to be a literal, physical support for Yutaka when he rests his head on Minoru’s shoulder. Yutaka finally gets to put all the things he has picked up aside, and just allow himself to be cared for for the first time in a very, very long time. 

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gif by @bird-inacage

And Bed Friend, as the show from my examples that feels most in keeping with the traditional tropes of the genre, highlights this give and take particularly well. Because Uea has been through what he has been through, and because Uea still continues to go through what he’s going through, he is heavily reliant on King for emotional support. Which is not to say that King is acting as Uea’s savior all the time, or that Uea isn’t capable of supporting King, but that objectively, fundamentally, Uea has much bigger, much more pressing, and much more intense problems than King currently has. Which means it typically falls on King to run emotional support for Uea. King helps Uea through his panic attack in Ep 1, he drives Uea to the hospital and pays for his mother’s taxi ride, he comforts Uea when he is nervous at the doctor’s, he bears witness to Uea’s trigger and tries to help, he is decently patient waiting for Uea to process that, he rescues Uea from Pock in Ep 4, treats his bruises, he notices when Uea is anxious and makes him take a bath and brings him birthday cake, he gets Krit fired, he helps Uea make a decision around what to do about his stepfather. And because Uea is constantly in some crisis or another, the only time he really offers any support for King for the majority of the show is when King is venting about not wanting to go home and the expectations his mother has for him. Then King goes out in the rain and gets sick, and Uea finally has an opportunity to spend all of his time taking care of and doting on King. He gets to give King meds, and cook King breakfast, and cuddle King and King gets to just be sick and sleepy and not have to worry about anything but getting better. 

All of this to say, that I frequently view the reason BL boys get sick as a way to make a typically imbalanced support dynamic between characters have some reciprocity. 

But My Ride doesn’t do that. 

gif by @aejeonghae

My Ride is one of the first BL’s I’ve seen where I feel like both characters have an extremely reciprocal relationship the entire way through. Before they even really know they like each other, before they get together, every time Mork helps Tawan, Tawan almost immediately helps Mork in return. Both men are caretakers, Mork gave up his chance of education to pay for the tuition of his girlfriend so that she could get an education, Tawan is a doctor and always covers his coworker’s shifts all the time. He leaves the house early and leaves work late because he is always finding someone to help. When they first meet, Mork is crying over his break up and Tawan comes up to him asking for a ride, sees Mork crying and says: “Are you okay? Is there anything I can help with?” and from there the entire rest of the show is just Mork and Tawan see-sawing back and forth when it comes to taking care of each other (the next two paragraphs are every example but if you are like ‘wka there is no way in hell i’m reading all that, just skip to the tl;dr).

Tawan needs a ride to get stage props but doesn’t know where to go, Mork takes him to a market he knows and gives him a tour to orient him, Tawan buys Mork a drink, Mork holds the supplies Tawan bought and Tawan helps feed Mork the drink he bought

gif by @gabrielokun

Tawan helps a dog that has been hurt, Mork helps Tawan fix the props that got run over because he was inspired by Tawan’s kindness, Tawan takes Mork’s hand and is so excited and grateful that Mork would do something like that for him, Mork fixes the props and Tawan invites him to join the party, Mork drives Tawan around when he is off work to help him find Nadia, Mork is sick but crucially Tawan does not take care of him, only uses Mork’s fever and sore throat to make an in universe public speech announcement about not taking antibiotics for a virus, Mork goes with his uncles to the hospital and puts on a nice shirt and catches Tawan when he collapses from exhaustion and goes to buy him food, Tawan takes Cheep’s case so that Mork’s uncles can get treated faster.

Mork sees Tawan is bummed and brings him to the river where he usually goes to make himself feel better, Tawan invites Mork to Loy Krathong, Mork goes to indulge Tawan, Tawan gives Mork the popsicle flavor that is his favorite so he can share something he likes, Tawan helps talk Mork through his panic on the ferris wheel

gif by @maxescheibechlinichacheli

Mork runs back in to the park to look for Tawan during the shooting, Mork washes the blood off Tawan’s hands from helping the injured child and drives him to work, Tawan treats and loses a patient and Mork waits outside the hospital to make sure he has water and comforts Tawan when he breaks down. Tawan thanks Mork which is something that Tawan has always hoped the people that he helps would do for him and haven’t, Mork avoids Tawan cause he is uncertain about his feelings and then makes up for it by letting Tawan drive the pillon, Tawan crashes the pillon and makes up for it by treating Mork’s wounds, Mork brings Tawan chicken heart rice, Tawan brings Mork snacks to repay the favor, Tawan confides in Mork about his concerns around Por, Mork tries to comfort Tawan and lets him ride the motorbike to cheer him up, Tawan buys Mork food. 

gif by @sollucets

TL;DR time and time and time again, for the length of the entire show from when Mork and Tawan were strangers, to acquaintances, to friends, their entire relationship has been completely reciprocal. Kindness is repaid with kindness is repaid with kindness, in a way I have truly not seen in most BLs, as I have told poor Ben, Shan, and NBW enough times they are probably sick of hearing it. 

Which brings us to Episode 8, in which an expectation I had from BLs was subverted, because these boys spend half an episode soaked to the bone in the rain. Now, having watched approximately 60 BLs in the last year, I know what happens when a BL boy gets rained on…someone’s getting sick (off the top of my head I can name Ren, King, and Win who all get rained on and then immediately get sick). 

But 

THAT

DOESN’T

HAPPEN

HERE

That doesn’t happen in the slightest, and Mork and Tawan are in the rain for a very long time. Tawan doesn’t get sick even though he trudges through the rain to Por’s apartment, Mork doesn’t get sick even though he’s driving around on his motorcycle in the rain, Tawan doesn’t get sick even though he collapses on the ground in the rain, Mork doesn’t get sick even though he drives and then carries Tawan’s unconscious body through the rain all the way Cheep and Dej’s house. 

And my theory as to why is because neither one of them needs to get sick in order to be cared for, neither of them needs to get sick in order to prove that they both can act as support for each other. 

Because even when Tawan is upset, even when Tawan is heartbroken, the reciprocity remains: Mork gets in a fight with Por and Tawan treats his wounds, Mork finds Tawan collapsed on the ground in the rain and carries him to his uncle’s house and changes his clothes, Tawan wakes up and cooks Mork dinner in return. 

gif by @save-the-data

This is a show about helpers helping helpers and I love it so much. I love that everything Mork does for Tawan, big or small, is revolutionary for Tawan (I mean, I don’t love it in the sense that Tawan should be being treated better by the people around him but just that Mork does things because he wants to, because he sees Tawan is sad, because he sees Tawan is tired, because Tawan was nice to him and it is wonderful that Tawan has found someone that will care for him like that). And Mork, Mork has someone that will do the same, Mork’s last partner left him and moved on to another man very quickly (and possibly while they were still together) even after Mork had spent so much of his time and money on paying for her education. Even in the happy memories Mork has in that apartment after their breakup have his girlfriend making comments related to money, that they are eating too many instant noodles, that the house is too small, etc. and it breaks my heart because Mork lives that way because so much of his money is going to fund her education. 

Let me tell you what line will haunt me forever, it’s something Tawan says in Episode 5: “No one has asked me how I am for awhile. These days, people are always asking me to do things for them and I do it without expecting anything in return. But deep down, I guess I do. So, thank you” 

Because this is what their relationship does and will boil down to, Mork does things for Tawan without having to be asked, without asking for anything in return, and Tawan does things for Mork without having to be asked, without asking for anything in return. And because of that they are both receiving care from one another in a way they have never been given before. And it is part of why I am so okay with them not getting together until the end, because we have seen from the very beginning just how well these two work together, and get a deep understanding of how they will navigate low points both for themselves and for when conflict arises between them. 

gif by @save-the-data

Anyway all of this absurdly long essay (Captain Hands who writes 20,000 word essays returns @bengiyo) to say, that I am beginning to suspect the purpose of BL Boys getting sick is to balance the scales of physical care in stories where one part of a couple does not have as many support needs and that it is very lovely and refreshing to see a story where every single action is repaid in kind. (Again, not that disproportionate levels of care are inherently bad, but because so many BL stories rely on tropes around a character with emotional fortitude, and a character without it).