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just realized i went through my own strange self loathing pipeline where i went from hating myself bc i didnt look like a pretty white girl to hating myself because i dont get to look the way i want to look (juminocore, y2k, decora, or gyaru black girl who goes back to maintaining her afro after she's finished the classwork she hates)
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im sorry for constantly being moody hehe
while i have been improving mentally, i still have had a major roadblock that may be the root of why i never get anything done
i dont't really let myself be happy
it's still difficult, but i want to be able to uplift myself the way you'd all uplift me
im drawing right now, so i'll post that here too (when im done with it)
I SHOULD GENUINELY KILL MYSELF FUCK
oh thats bad i feel weird
eating too much (i accidentally triggered my gag reflex 🙂)
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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my head hurts and im lazy and i should die
looking for a song to listen to while i relapse and then i end up kinda mesmerized by shit like stardust speedway good future and tomo 1's in love theme and im about to cry because these songs make me sosososo happy. listening to music makes me happy. all the music i have downloaded is there because it makes me happy but i only listen to a few because i'm still scared of being too happy. i keep relapsing because im not used to being happy enough. eauaghh.
i know i'll never actually get over myself and i'll always be used to not having the energy to do what i love but. i might cry. im like actually pathetic. listening to a song i love after not listening to it for a while is enough to make me cry. oogghhh
