#moretolose

Thank you for your kind words and for the tip. Unfortunately, I'm very sensitive to gory stuff, so I can't watch as much horror as I'd like. But I'll definitely give it a try! <333

Late Night with the Devil has been on my watchlist too. Your first watches of June list is just too good!

I appreciate you. <3

Alright. Here's the honest truth about everything that has to do about my eating habits and previous weight-loss adventures:

I can't commit to a diet.

I eat when I'm not hungry

I literally can't remember the last time I was truly hungry.

I say I'm hungry when I've eaten recently.... and then eat more.

I try to coax myself into believing that I like only eating healthy foods, but that never ceases to fall through.

I restart my "lifestyle" change every Sunday and, inevitably, I stop following it by Tuesday.

I tell myself that I need more calories than I actually do to support my non-existent, active life. 

I hate counting calories and when I do, I generally cheat.

I usually gain weight when I'm trying to lose it.

There are moments when I feel obsessed because I calculate every little thing that I eat and analyze it numerous times throughout the day.

I eat because other people are eating. (EX - my mom or sister eats a piece of cake, why shouldn't I?)

AND I'm sure there's more.

Basically, all of my typical eating habits strongly correlate to my inability to lose weight and the fact that I've recently put on a few pounds.

SO. Here are the stories behind my two successful rounds of weight loss.

1) Low carb dieting for about 4 months. Overall, this wasn't a huge success but I did manage to lose about 8lbs altogether through just cutting out most carbs (still not a lot of exercise). However, this is not a lifestyle that I can maintain. I like carbs and fruits and sugars. So it isn't a really reasonable expectation that I could cut them out and live like that for the rest of my life.

2) Plain old lifestyle changes. No counting calories. No cutting out major food groups. Just a total lifestyle change. This happened while I was living at Mrs. V's house. It was a more beneficial environment because there weren't a lot of snacky foods, never much dessert, always healthy choices, and, besides all of that, I just didn't eat that much. I felt ridiculous eating a lot of food when the rest of the family only had one serving. I didn't snack in the afternoon. I frequently skipped huge, organized breakfasts just because I just was never hungry. And I never ate late at night. This lead to a 10lb weight loss. Miraculous!

So what I've learned through both of these experiences is that I can't lose and maintain weight loss via dieting and cutting out whole food groups. Also, that if I just eat less, stop snacking, stop counting calories, stop over-analyzing, eat healthier, and fill my time with more beneficial activities, I'll lose weight.

So here we go again...

New plan: I'm sorry that I won't be sharing the details of my daily eating plans because I simply won't be keeping track. I will not be giving you all the privilege of seeing my impeccable use of calorie charts because I'm about to shred them to pieces. 

Today was the dawn of the healthier life that I'm pursuing - working out, eating better, being more productive in numerous areas of my life. Little by little, I'm sure that I'll get more organized with my time and energy. That said, for the time being my goals of weight loss, better health, and desire to be more constructive with my life come at a price. Today, the sacrifice was the cleanliness and practical function of my bedroom. Clothes strewn across the carpeting and my furniture, shoes tossed carelessly in the corner, and innumerable water bottles and gum wrappers flowing over the edge of my trash bin were what awaited me as I returned to our humble abode.

This really disturbs me... My self-diagnosed mild OCD personality is urging me to do something about this and at 10PM, I feel like leaping into a panicy state of cleaning and putting everything away in it's proper place. This could take a while. However, though I know that this task will most likely wait until tomorrow, my mind is repulsed at the knowledge that at least several items of freshly washed laundry are lying on my floor after my mad rush to dress and get to work this morning without running too late. Sigh. 

Day 1 - Not a bad start to my pursuits. I kept fairly busy throughout my workday and took advantage of the gym's convenient location by popping in for an hour+ workout after I was released from my desk job responsibilities. After a slight asthma attack (I'm recovering from a flu I had last weekend), my exercise was off to a wonderful start. Cardio for 30 minutes, strength training for 30 minutes, stretching for 20 minutes. 

Then after a shower and lunch, it was nap time, of course.

My food intake for today (which I calculated out to be approximately 1,260 calories):

7:30am -  1 cup Special K Protein Plus Cereal, 1/4 cup whole milk, 1 cup coffee w/1 tbsp cream and 1 tsp Splenda

10:30am - 1 cup red seedless grapes, 1/2 cup blueberries

12:00pm - 1/2 cup pinto beans w/1 tsp Taco Bell Sauce (my favorite spicy combo)

3:30pm - 1 piece whole grain bread, 1 boiled egg, 1 tsp mayo, 1 tsp spicy mustard, 1/2 apple

6:30pm - Lean Pocket Meatball and Mozzarella, 2 pieces of toast w/1 tbsp peanut butter

Alright, NOT the most well-rounded/balanced meal plan ever written, however I'm still in the learning curve of this little project. I'll keep y'all updated :) 

GOALS FOR TOMORROW: More fruit and veggies, less fats.

P.S. Read this verse today and liked it---

So... It's been a little while. Granted, there have been several minor inconsistencies in my life during the past few months that has kept me from posting (more on that later...). However, for the most part, laziness has overcome my time and I find most of my carefree summer afternoons spent lying on my couch watching reruns of "Frasier." 

BUT a new chapter is beginning. Recently, I stepped on a scale and, holy cannoli, the last thing I wanted to see popped up on that little digital box. Weight gain. After this unfortunate discovery and some soul-searching (yeah, right), I realized several characteristics that I have that I'd really like to overcome:

1) I have no discipline or sense of commitment. Sure, on occasion I wake up early to go for a 3 mile run (then feel like it's a foodie free-for-all the rest of the day). But other than the infrequent triumph over my alarm clock's snooze button, I really have nothing to show for the supposed "New Year's Resolutions" guarantees and numerous diet/exercise programs that I've started. My lack of determination and willpower yet again wreck my previous efforts and inconsistent healthier meals. 

2) "Excuses, excuses, excuses." I have so many darn excuses! My mind is always coming up with reasons why it isn't a problem that I indulge in extra calories on a daily basis, skip workouts, or give up on weight loss tactics. "I didn't get enough sleep, I shouldn't ware myself out." "I had a busy day at work, I just feel like lying around." "I'm stressed out, the last thing I need to think about is cutting back calories." "It's summer, it's hot, and I don't want to wake up early to workout before work."

3) I'm a chronic boredom-snacker, stress-snacker, study-snacker, and late-night-snacker. Basically, I eat your typical 3 meals a day (breakfast, lunch, dinner) whether or not I'm all that hungry after munching frequent times throughout the day on whatever appeals to my appetite. Obviously, this can hinder my efforts and can easily lead to overeating and abnormal habitual mealtimes. 

4) I blame a lot of my weight issues on my family's nutritional environment, which is completely unacceptable of me. WE LIKE FOOD. Always have and always will. Food is a love language, a conversation starter, an ice-breaker, a celebration technique, a gift, a teaching/learning experience, and much more. I love food and will rarely turn down one of my mom's amazing home cooked meals or delectable desserts , yet I continuously fret about what I'm putting in my body and what effects on my health that it could have. It's a rough cycle! 

So what did I do today? I signed my life (and a huge chunk of my monthly paychecks) away to California Family Fitness with an 11-month contract. This excuses many of my excuses. Doesn't matter if it's too hot outside during summer or pouring rain, there's a pool or plenty of indoor options. Don't want to get out again once I'm home for the afternoon? The gym is less than 2 miles from where I work, I can hit it on my way home. So unless I feel like wasting $$$ every month for almost a year while skipping workouts routinely, I have no reason NOT to exercise. This, in turn, will hopefully equal some shed pounds and more motivation to keep my eating habits in check.

As far as dieting goes, I'm trying to stay away from the term "diet." It leaves a nasty taste and I hear over and over again not to think in terms of dieting, because the effects won't last long after you hit your goal weight. Diets are temporary and used specifically for something (weight loss, weight gain, body-building). So I'm going with the term "lifestyle change" and hoping for a more optimistic perspective towards the foods I'll be eating. I'm following the 80/20 rule - 80% healthy, whole, nutritious choices and 20% whatever-I-want-within-reason choices. That's about 35 meals per week total (5 meals/day), 28 meals healthy and good for me, 7 meals as treats. And if you're anything like me and want to get really technical - that's 1,200 calories/day while in the weight-loss cycle, which would come out to about 8,400 calories/week. 6,720 of those should be saved for the good stuff, while a leftover 1,680 calories can be spent on whatever I feel like spending them on.

Being the organization whiz/addict that I am, I have graphs, charts, journals, and a lot of Sharpies/highlighters ready for use to finally tackle this beast called weight loss. Join me as I keep you all posted on the probably monotonous journey that I'll be taking over the next few months. 

OH, I suppose I should mention, my weight loss goals are around 25-30 pounds by the end of this year. It'd be really awesome if I could say I kept my New Year's Resolution for once in my life.