#morepressure

Data gathering. Script rewriting. Exam worries. Self-esteem problems. And a lot more. This day was indeed the definition of brain drain.

We spent around 5 or 6 hours, redoing the whole script for our humanities project. Didn't really realized it would take so damn long to redo the whole thing with around 6 or 8 of us helping with it. Then we had to organize the whole shoot, find locations, contact a videographer and a lot more.

I was almost at my edge keeping up with all the brainstorming. There were so many instances that I spaced out and found it hard to get back to the conversations. I felt that I didn't contribute enough and I feel bad about it. My brain just can't really handle some things at some times.

My worries about our research paper are also building up. I know we're all doing the best we can but it just seems that it still isn't enough. I trust my groupmates but I'm afraid that I won't be able to meet their expectations of me and end up ruining their trust. 

I also read today's Word but it actually left me quite confused. It was entitled a "A Season for Everything" and featured Ecclesiastes 3:1. I don't know how to make of it and I don't even want to think about time and seasons at this point. We are racing against time and I cannot fathom the consequences of losing this race. We have so much to do yet but time is mercilessly denying us of its favors. I can only hope that God continue to guide me in these confusing times. I'm almost at the end of my wits it my journey to April 2015 still has around 4 weeks left. We cannot remain complacent as we might end up not achieving our goals on time.

I'm starting to feel pangs of regret for not doing enough when there was still plenty of time. I want to justify my actions but I know that cannot change the precarious position we are currently in. I can only do my utmost best from here on and see to it that it will be more than enough to cover everything that needs to be done. It will be hard but I know that I can do it with God's grace. Right now, I know that He is the only one that can get me through all these things. I do not have the courage or the endurance to fight the battle head on, but with Him, I know I can and I will.