#moosemun

So in the past month or so, Hannibal's furry little rabbit brain realized that when he gets near the roomba, we look at him and pay attention to what he's doing.

So now, whenever he decides its bed time and he wants his night time treat, he goes over to the roomba and sticks his nose out really close to it until one of us humans with thumbs gets up and opens the treat container for him.

Yesterday I moved the roomba dock and taped it down so the cord stays in place, so when Hannibal went over and stuck his face out threateningly, I didn't immediately get up, and he was just utterly confused... like, he hopped away and back to try again, and then hopped over to the couch to look at me before hopping back... and not getting the attention he wanted (it was NINE OCLOCK, bed time treats are given at ELEVEN, he was two hours early!!) Hannibal went full "You've Left Me No Choice But The Nuclear Option, Human" and TOUCHED the roomba.

(The violence! The audacity! The gentle booping with his nose!)

The night time treat was administered not long after, but now I'm worried I am encouraged violence against robots in exchange for crunchy treats. 😔

I should... just throw myself through that stupid mental wall thats keeping me from logging in to discord and my fantroll blog and being social and figure my shit out finally

this past year has not been kind on my head, idk what it is, but the little fun things that shouldn’t actually take any convincing for me to do have been seeming absolutely insurmountable. I thought getting away from chaos employee and focusing on me would fix it, but I think I just wore deep enough asocial ruts into my brain dealing with *vague gesture towards that trainwreck* that now it’s hard to start over and talk to people again.

I stepped down from my job in... End of Jan? Early Feb? with the intention of 1. getting away from a crazy employee I was not being paid enough to deal with and was not allowed to fire, 2. Finally had enough savings that I wasn’t a constant ball of insecurity, and I could take 9 months off with no income before I’d start worrying, and 9 months felt like a good time frame to try and be self employed and sell crafts/plushies at conventions.

Because why wouldn’t there be a bunch of conventions to sell things at in 2020???

Not working 50 hour weeks was also supposed to give me time to plan August wedding, and make wedding dress.

March, start sending out wedding invites. Two weeks later, Cuomo shuts down the entire state. *~*Timing~*~

Send out “woops hold that thought” cards.

The fiance had to transition to teaching his classes over zoom, and making youtube videos, which ends up being a 12-hour, 7-day a week time commitment. On the plus there, that was a huge crash course in video editing he finally had a reason to learn. And serendipitously, me had his brother had gotten him a bunch of camera and recording equipment to bully him into doing movie reviews on youtube, so he actually had the stuff he needed to teach online effectively. He takes over half of my craft room immediately after I reorganized and spread things out to make sewing more efficient and organized. Sewing stuff gets re-squished back into the corner. :<

April, i sew so many masks. so so many. i do not like sew mask. ;~;

Etsy sticks more fees on their site! I make a website! Web design has changed a fuckton since ye olden dayes of neopet pet pages! I have no idea what I’m doing; can’t even add a glitter trail following the cursor around! Where is the option for autoplay music in the background! Lame!

Mid June, and no end in sight for, ...y’know, so we cancel August wedding and push our deposit back to 2021. Fiance was really bummed about not getting the specific date so like a week later the venue says we can still show up with a small group and get “official married” outside on the day. I’m not gung-ho for this at all, but James is, so we decide to do that; start scrambling. I make my dress but like. From what was supposed to be the first drape fabric, because fabric store’s still closed. I like it, but idk!

I didn’t think I actually cared super much about wedding details, like I didn’t have a “dream wedding” as a kid or have a moodboard or anything... All I was really hoping for was having family there since I only get to see all the cousins maybe once every 7-10 years, and making my own dress. Since big family gather was obviously not allowed, not even being able to make my dress in the way I saw it in my head was just kinda... disgruntling? I guess? Sad emotions I can’t really put to words, and not strong enough to overrule fiance having strong happy emotions about getting to keep our original wedding date.

New York gathering limit is raised to 25, so my family (6) and his (2) plus us and officiant (3) all get together and yay, officially married on August 1st! Until we get paperwork from NY state, and ha ha funny story, officiant signed the paperwork for August 2. Officiant apologizes, sends in a correction letter, so now we’re officially married on the 2nd, but have a footnote in state records that says *(actually it was Aug. 1).

So like, I’m happy we got married, that’s a happy part of the day, but 1. family wasn’t there, 2. didn’t get to make the dress I was hoping to, 3. we didn’t even get the fucking date we did all this for??? It’s a complicated mix of emotions and I’m finding myself just kinda ignoring the fact we actually got married instead of trying to grapple and force the positive feelings to outweigh the negative. SHRUG EMOJI HAHA. DEALING WITH OUR FEELINGS? SOUNDS SUS.

September, my former job reopens, asks if I want to come back, because the person I trained as my replacement ended up quitting because she didn’t want to come back. Neither do I.

October, they hire a new manager, and I end up going in to train her a few days, and cover for her a few more days, and now I’m on call to help out, because I am a big wimpy pushover and did actually really like my job, and like the new lady taking over and don’t want things to be hard for her.

November, I got glasses! I have discovered that the world should NOT be blurry when it is 10 feet away from you.

I know I struggle without a defined definite schedule and my brain latches on to any possible distraction, so this year has been heck. Mental health-wise, I’m doing much better now that I’m not in daily contact with chaos employee! But productivity and focus-wise? ZIP ZILCH ZERO. It has been a STRUGGLE. I don’t have a distraction free zone because of James doing work-from-home teaching, and I don’t have a defined schedule of social events and work shifts to keep me on task. I kinda feel like my brain has turned into a bunch of smokey fog that’s just kinda swirling around inside my head, and every once in a while I emerge and realize a week has passed and I have not checked my email or talked to another non-husband human being in that time.

Oh, and small schadenfreude update on chaos employee- she didn’t have a job until the state reopened, wasn’t eligible for unemployment during the shutdown apparently, her husband finally got the divorce he’s been pushing for for the past decade, and she had to sell her 5k$ sewing machine to be able to make the monthly payments on it. And when she came in to the store once it reopened, new manager had already been warned that she was banned from the premises.

But before she was chased out, she rambled on about how she thought the government was tracking her phone so she got a new one and didn’t back up any of her contacts, and she was hoping new manager would give her my number again because we’re “””best friends.”””””””  Manager declined to assist.

So little wuffle noises and scratches aren’t uncommon, but tonight for like ten minutes there was someone outside going batshit scrabling noises. And eventually it dawned on me that it didn’t SOUND like a squirrel and I looked out the window---

AND IT WAS A BABY BUNNY OH MY GOSH she was too small to jump back out on her own she was so tiny!!!

So I just spent the past 15 min encouraging her to NOT hide under the air conditioner where she could fit but my hand could not (she was smaller than my closed fist oh my GOSH) and eventually I got her to a place where I could catch her and pick her up and put her back on the grass and she scooted away under the bushes.

I don’t know who was more stressed out about this whole situation, her or me

but shes OUT, she’s FREE, and I’m sitting on pinterest looking at a little ramp someone made for frogs and planning out how I can make little baby animal ramps for the six windows we have where tiny animals may get caught. D,: