what was he to do now? it had always been difficult when an adult reacted to his word of choice, yet usually, they kept to themselves, so what made this time so different? the young teenager wanted to ask but found it difficult to find the words, instead, he was left standing in silence as he looked away from the older male and let his eyes scan the nearby lake.
after a few moments of uncomfortable silence between them, he let out a heavy sigh, as he felt his tongue move and his lips were hydrated. remus then spoke with shaking vocal cords. ❝ i am a monster though, you don’t understand! ❞ his voice rose, but only just enough to make his point be made as his gaze shifted from the lake to the grass near his feet. it was then a lump grew tight in his throat, making it difficult to breathe and slowly arms folded over his chest as he made an attempt to swallow back his feelings. he would not allow himself to react any more than what he had already done.
❝ i’m a monster and i always will be, there’s no way around it, ❞ remus mumbled to himself, feeling a weight crash heavy upon his shoulders as he pulled his lower lip in and chewed on it for comfort. his mind began to buzz not too long after he took to being silent, the thoughts worked feverishly but all he could take from it was the worry about his friends. how long would they continue to play the game of being his friend? they knew the truth, but what would happen if he attacked one of them? should that happen, he would never forgive himself and he would expect the same from them, with these thoughts more followed in a similar way, pulling him further and further from reality.
Hagrid knew all too well the sort of feelings that could prompt the boy’s words. It was what had inspired such vehement ones in reply. Every day was a struggle against them— but you had to fight. That’s what his father had told him, and Professor Dumbledore, so now he was just passing it along. Because the professor was too busy to look after every student individually, although he would like to. He’d trust Hagrid with his life; the giant had a heart big enough for the man, his students, and all the creatures he’d be more likely to call by another m-word: misunderstood.
But that wasn’t the word up for discussion. Distressed to hear Remus talk like this, the gamekeeper stepped forward. His feet in their huge boots landed in damp ground with matching squelches. Out of context he would have appeared an ominous mountain of a man, especially when he reached out his hand. It was only aimed for the boy’s shoulder (though that was worrisome enough).
For reasons of prejudice he continued to keep his parentage as secret as a man his size could. Now didn’t seem the right time to bring it up, even to prove his point. Hagrid heaved a gusty sigh instead. “You listen ter me,” he said in the sternest voice he could muster in the face of such strong emotion, “yer not a monster an’ don’ let nobody tell yeh otherwise. Yeh know the headmaster’s a wise man, he’d never put you kids in danger. He knows what he’s doing, does Dumbledore.” Hagrid nodded sagely. “What’s brought this on anyhow? I thought you were doing all righ’.”
