#moondai

SUPPLIES: A bigass soup spoon, honey, peanut butter, rice cereal, 2-3 bowls, a microwave, chocolate chips (optional), and milk (optional).

WHAT YOU'RE GONNA FUCKING DO:

GET 2 OR 3 FUCKING BOWLS OUT. BELIEVE ME, YOU'RE GONNA WANNA DO THIS FIRST.

FIND A FUCKING BEEHIVE. REACH YOUR MANLY FIST IN AND GRAB 2  SOUP SPOONFULS OF THE DELICIOUS FUCKING HONEY INSIDE. 

NEXT, SPIT ON SOME PEANUTS UNTIL THEY WALLOW IN YOUR SALIVA AND TURN INTO 1 AND A HALF SOUPSPOONFULS OF PEANUT BUTTER.

MICROWAVE THAT FUCKING PEANUT BUTTER FOR 1 MINUTE. 60 SECONDS, IN A BOWL, YOU BEAUTIFUL ASSHOLE. DEPENDING ON HOW FUCKING INTENSE YOUR MICROWAVE IS, YOU MAY NEED LESS OR MORE TIME. MAKE SURE THIS SHIT IS LIQUIDY.

NEXT, MICROWAVE THAT GODDAMN HONEY FOR 5. FUCKING. SECONDS. IN A BOWL. IT MAKES A DIFFERENCE, TRUST ME. DON'T OVERDO IT, YOU PANSY!

BLEND THE FUCKING PEANUT BUTTER AND HONEY. BLEND IT UNTIL THEY COME TOGETHER LIKE A SHITTY ROMANCE NOVEL'S MAIN CHARACTERS.

WITH THE FORCE OF THOR, I WANT YOU TO FUCKING CAREFULLY DUMP 3/4 CUP OF RICE CEREAL INTO THE SAME BOWL AS YOUR PEANUT BUTTER AND HONEY. IF YOU WANT MORE, YOU CAN FUCKING ADD MORE. THIS IS LITERALLY THE MOST FLEXIBLE SNACK EVER.

WHIP OUT YOUR MIGHTY SWORD (OR THE SAME LAME-ASS SPOON FROM EARLIER) AND CAREFULLY FUCKING BLEND THAT BULLSHIT. I SAID BLEND, NOT STIR. FUCKING GET IT ALL MIXED EVENLY, DO YOU UNDERSTAND??

NOW BREATH FIRE ONTO IT. OR MICROWAVE IT FOR 7 MORE SECONDS.

TASTE THAT BEAUTIFUL FUCKING CONCOCTION YOU JUST GAVE BIRTH TO. GIVE YOURSELF A MANLY PAT ON THE BACK, BECAUSE HOLY SHIT, THAT WAS A GOOD FUCKING PERFORMANCE.

IF THAT SHIT ISN'T SWEETER THAN AN ORPHAN GETTING A PUPPY ON CHRISTMAS, ADD SOME MORE FUCKING HONEY. AS MUCH AS YOU WANT, I REALLY DON'T CARE. IF YOU WANT MORE OF ANYTHING, YOU LITERALLY JUST HAVE TO STIR IT IN. YOU CAN ADD A SMALL HANDFUL OF CHOCOLATE CHIPS AND MAKE IT A FANCY-ASS ORDEAL.

MIND YOU, THIS SHIT IS SWEETER THAN FUCKING COTTON CANDY. DO NOT FUCKING EAT TOO MUCH, I SWEAR TO GOD, YOUR STOMACH WILL UNLEASH HELL. IF YOU WANT YOU CAN WHIP A COW UNTIL IT GIVES YOU A GLASS OF MILK TO WASH THIS SHIT DOWN WITH.

IF YOU WANT IT WARMER, FUCKING SLAP IT IN YOUR MICROWAVE FOR ANOTHER 10 SECONDS.