"Hey, so," Monoma flopped down face-first onto his bed. Kendou was sitting in his antique Flemish armchair, reading a detective novel. "You know how I was planning to seduce that Midoriya Izuku simply for the clout of dating the future number one Hero only to break his heart as I backstab him?"
"You've mentioned it multiple times." Kendou nodded absently. "I believe you gave Komori a sniper rifle to aid in it."
"Yes, well." Monoma flipped over onto his side. "It has not gone to plan."
"I am now dating both Midoriya Izuku AND Todoroki Shouto, at the same time."
Kendou looked up to meet Monoma's gaze. Slowly, she dog-eared the page she was on and placed the book on Monoma's mahogany side-table (recently repaired). "How?" She asked, leaning forward and steepling her fingers.
"Well, I didn't take Izuku seriously when he said Shouto was simply subtle in his emotions and loud in... Other areas..." Monoma flushed. "And, well, Izuku gets rather scary-hot at times..."
"Scary?" Kendou muttered under her breath. Louder, she stated, "Actually, no, what do you mean, "scary"? Like, the whole thing about paying attention to the subtleties of someone is a nice point because I've been thinking about Kodai recently, but. Scary? Midoriya?"
"Well..." Monoma somehow turned even redder. "He thought I was after Todoroki instead of him, and, well... Some things... Transpired..."
"What do you mean, "some things"?!" Kendou demanded.
"It's just..." Monoma sighed wistfully. "When you get past the dungeon... No, perhaps the dungeon was merely part of it..."
"Anyways, none of that's relevant." Monoma waved away the topic.
"Well, does it change your mind to know that, in his pursuit, he sort of... Recreated that fool Bakugou's Quirk? I don't mean, like, with air pressure or whatever, I mean he was moving so fast the sheer friction set his body on fire and created a massive explosion."
"What the fuck?!" Bakugou hissed, as he was hiding in Monoma's vents directly above him, unnoticed. "Since when can Deku do that?! That shit's copyright infringement!"
"I don't think you can copyright an explosion, Bakubro." Kirishima tried to reason with him, having been brought along. "Also, thrilled to have been brought along, but I have some actual concerns, like, how did you know where Monoma's room was, and why do you have a map of the dorm vents."
"Tch." Bakugou huffed. "A good boyfriend always keeps track of the other bitches in the polycule. That's why you're still single."
Kirishima didn't rise to the insult. Instead, he squinted at Bakugou as he tried to figure out what he was even talking about. "Are you... Do you think you're Midoriya's boyfriend?" He asked incredulously.
"What the fuck do you mean, "think"?!" Bakugou growled. "Obviously, we've been fucking dating our whole lives! He's just... Taking it slow, is all."
Kirishima didn't immediately answer. Rather, in his mind, he pieced together every single aspect of both Midoriya and Bakugou, and their fraught, complex relationship that Midoriya loved to ramble on about while Bakugou never seemed to reciprocate or, seemingly, even tolerate Midoriya being alive. The fact that Bakugou seemed to think this is just how boyfriends acted towards one another...
The light of realization hit Kirishima in that moment, and, with perfect clarification and an equal amount of horror, he understood the whole of Bakugou Katsuki.
"Uh... Congratulations, I think?" Kirishima squirmed, desperate to get out of the vent.
