#mommyshit

Sleeping baby, sleeping husband, frolicking children outside. I am happy.

Despite the knot of anxiety clenching at my chest from too little sleep and far too much caffeine to get me through the work day. Elliot Smith has sung to me and nostalgia has haunted me all of this day. 

The second job of invoicing, editing, emailing, designing, fretting, researching begins, while intermittently running errands, planning tomorrow birthday parties, decorating cakes, washing laundry, and a million other little mundane tasks threaten to wash me away in that spiral of pure unadulterated overwhelmedness.

Hello my love.

You will be 22 months old tomorrow. I can't believe how quickly time is flying. I already find myself looking back on pictures of you as a newborn and missing your smell, your teeny tiny fingers and toes. I miss our silent, non verbal communication. It's funny because it stressed me at the time. I was always afraid that I was misreading looks in your eye, or sounds or arms flailing. I was so uncertain. Was I meeting your needs or imposing my own thoughts of what you "wanted" on to you. Nowadays you leave no room for doubt. LOL You don't hesitate to yell, "NO Mommy," or "Don't like that," or "Hold me Mommy."  I love listening to you speak. I love hearing your thoughts. You are learning the world at warp speed. Hearing you move from simple declarative statements like, "I Nia" to more complex expressions, "Don't leave the baby" blows my mind.

A few weeks ago I was in the kitchen cutting up fruit for  your lunch. It was a Saturday and you were happily playing on the rug behind me. "You Mommy. You. You. You" You insistently stated. "You what baby? What's the rest of the thought?" I asked without turning around. "You Mommy. You!" You replied. I looked over my shoulder to see you pointing at the letter U on our kitchen mat. You pointed out all of the letters in the word cappuccino, except for the Cs. You called them Os but you knew that was not right. The look on your face said, "I'm guessing at these Mom" LOL I was blown away. I screamed for your Dad to come and see too. Come see how smart our almost two  year old is. We stood in awe as you recited your new knowledge for Daddy. You blow our minds!

I am so proud to be your Mommy. You are an amazing little person. You are so sweet. When we went to Puerto Rico I had a tummy ache. I went to lay down while everyone else was in the living room. You wouldn't leave my side. You could tell something was wrong. I said, "it's okay baby. Mommy's tummy hurts. I'm just going to lay down. You go play." "No you said. I stay Mommy." You rubbed my belly. You kissed my belly. You implored me to "feel better Mommy," while rubbing my head.You only left my side to go and tell Daddy "Mommy tummy hurts" then  you came running back on those strong and powerful little legs to stand guard. I kept encouraging you to go play but you would have none of it. We called it a night together. You curled up into me offering all of the love and comfort in your little heart and body. I was so proud of the empathy and loyalty displayed so naturally. YOU make me proud.

I am enjoying every single moment of being your Mommy.