#molarpregnancy

I wanted to start blogging but didn’t realize or remember I already had an account. I am here, yet again, to attempt another blog. This time I wanted to blog about my life and what I have been through. I want to start from the present and move to the past, because the past is most crippling. I’m starting with a big one, not quite as recent, but one that constantly crosses my mind.

This blog is about miscarriage, baby loss, and messed up reproduction organs (and a bunch of confusing terminology.) Last year in June, I found out I was pregnant. This is the part where everyone gets excited and I ruin it by saying... The next day, I had sharp pains that made me worry. Because a history of possible endometriosis, my first fear was that I had an ectopic pregnancy. After a trip to the emergency room, it was too early to suspect an aborted pregnancy of any kind. I was told to follow up with an OBGYN the next week. Long story short, I went to a specific doctor for follow up where they assumed I had a miscarriage. I went through what I thought was also a miscarriage. I had extremely heavy pain, large tissue clots that couldn’t pass, and was hurdled over in the shower crying tears from pain I had never experienced before. As routine protocol, I continued seeing the follow-up doctor and taking bloodwork to make sure I didn’t need a D&C. To their surprise, my HCG numbers had risen. They told me I had gotten pregnant again (just two short weeks later) but I knew there was absolutely no way. I was offended that I had just cried in his office over the loss of my baby, had been bleeding since the night of my miscarriage, and did not want anyone near my body in any way, let alone sexually but he thought I was “lying” to him and could be “honest” about having sex so soon after a miscarriage. For weeks, I took bloodwork every other day and saw the doctor multiple times. I tried my hardest to convince him this wasn’t another pregnancy.  As a repeat of the “first pregnancy”, my HCG numbers weren’t going up normally. At one point, they declined and then increased again. I did my own research through Dr. Google and found many terms I wasn’t familiar with but one that caught my attention. At that point, my doctor sent me to a Gynocologist Oncologist. The term... a term I now will never forget.... “molar pregnancy”. My baby was never a baby at all, but instead a bunch of masses that sometimes can turn cancerous. I went through blooddraws every other day to once a week to once a month until I had 6 negative HCG levels. I had more vaginal exams than I could ever imagine for one lifetime and I knew all of the Quest workers by name, as they did me. I went through so much heartache and confusion while fighting with doctors who knew little about my conditions. While dealing with my pregnancy loss, I also found out I had uterus didelphys, another term I had never heard of until then. But I’ll talk about that another time.