Guess who's back in action darlings!!!! It's been a glorious year and now that it's 2016, here's some updates!!!! 1. I am now 24 years old! Woo hoo! 2. I also have been on hormones(off and on but now permanently on) for 5 years! 3. I have been in a relationship with my cis het white male boyfriend for over a year (October 31 is our anniversary whaaaaat?!?!) 4.for the first time in my life, I am happy, away from my abusive father(also over a year since I last had to make excuses as to why I have bruises), and have been making wonderful strides with the help of my endo, my therapist and my head dr who is trying to help me with my manic depression/ bipolar disorder, and I see myself in a much better light :3 Something I don't think I have ever talked about and would like to talk about now is abuse, abusers, and the abuser/victim complex and how fucked up it truly is My father was quite abusive to me throughout my life, it started off with the belt then cables then fists and choke holds, I can no longer see out of my right eye and my right ear has about 83% hearing loss, my left ear has about 35% hearing loss, you may have noticed quite an absence but I was dealing with self recovery, and PTSD, which is very real. I assure you My father made me believe I was ugly, useless, unlovable, dirty, sinful, he broke me, tore my spirit away from me, and kept me in this cycle of abuse, first with words, then with his hands then asking for forgiveness, then gifts/tokens of affection/kindness, only to be started all over again when he didn't like somethings I said or wore or did or didn't do( most of the time without even knowing I was supposed to have done what he didn't tell me I needed to do) Abusers are weak minded and frightened people who seek to control those around them by making them feel trapped, and insignificant, abuse is emotionally damaging, mentally scaring, and leaves a physical visible reaction in people and their interactions with others. When my loving boyfriend reaches out to caress my face, I flinch, not because he hurts me, because he doesn't, not because he's cruel, because he isn't, he's helped me a lot with the passing of my mom/grandmother, and makes me feel beautiful, but because my body is reacting to past situations, because my subconscious is scared my body will be harmed because someone who I loved has harmed me, in more ways than I can count, this is why we need to speak up about abuse and realize it is not always the people we think who are being abused. If you are being harmed, reach out, get help, please save yourself, if you know someone who is being abused, reach out, say something! Don't just sit and do nothing! Help them, I implore you! I asked for help so much as a child and no one helped, I was being beaten and strangled till I was 23 years of age, an adult! And I was still being abused, please reach out here or on tumblr or Facebook or to your pastor/priest, teachers whomever please just help. Now,who ready for more Mim darlings? ~Madam Mim
