#modlybread

"Not in the traditional sense I suppose."

"Then where did you learn to bandage so well?"

"A past blacksmith showed me."

"But these scars can't be bandage."

"I know, I just hate seeing them on you. So let me hide them away, even just for a bit."

"Sorry scara."

"Don't say that if you aren't going to change."

Violence and soft scara

I froze.

My drawer was opened. You stand there looking at me. My words choked.

"When?" You asked.

Scrambling for a reply, I spit in anger. "Why the fuck did you go through my things?!"

"When did you buy another razor?"

Oh, how easily it all broke down. The hard work I put into convincing myself, the bubble of dreams that I was fine this way, all crumbled before your concerning gaze, mixed with disappointment and anger.

I stare at you. Tears began to fall but you didn't falter.

"I'm taking this away."

That when my instinct kick in. It's burns, my anger far outweighs my fear. "IT MINE! MINE!! HOW DARE YOU!!!"

I lunge forward, and punched you with all my might. You fall down without any resistance. Why? Your gaze, I hate it. I want to rip it out. The way your lids close, your eyebrows relaxed, why did your mother made you so well? Resist!! Shout at me!!! Leave me!!! Anything but your calm composure, its mocking.

My hands were tired, swelling and burning. You finally open your eyes, take my palm in yours and put them on my cheeks.

"Please...I need it...don't take it scara.." pathetic pleas, even when I know how ruthless you are once you made a decision.

"I don't care how much you punch me. Rip my heart out if you so wish. An arm or a leg, whichever quell your anger. I would always choose to hold you with my destroyed body, so don't forgive me."

I grip your hair and slam it on the floor several times, yet your skull didn't even leave a scratch. My all mighty god, you are so perfect.

When I wake up again, you were wiping my face with wet cloth. Apologies spew from my mouth, I'm praying to you, I'm atoning for my sins. I'm a sinner, so don't forgive me.

Idk where to go from here, so I will continue when idea's strikes. Or they upload a part two snd I can be free from my mind.

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"We are married, by the way."

Huh? What is this man talking about.

I woke up with a pounding headache, and my body tied to a chair. As far as I can recollect, my nemesis, scaramouche had foiled my long term project in the akademiya again. Furious, I stormed my way to find him, and somehow get wrap up in an intense duel. I must have lost my consciousness during then.

When I opened my eyes again, I was in a dimly lit storage room. The rope was very tight and any big movement would cause it to suffocate my skin. Realising it a futile attempt, I quickly look around my surrounding when the wooden door creak open.

It was scaramouche. Internal panicking, my mind jump to amnesia. Yea he will completely believe me if I told him I forget everything..

"Well you're finally awake. I did not think you would lower your guard so simply."

I stared at hin with confusion, or at least I hope that how it would appear to be. "Hey mister, where am I? I felt like I just woke up from centuries of sleep. I can't remember who am I, or what's my name."

He stared at me, albeit a bit taken aback. Since like I have quite the talent in acting. "What games are you playing? You think that would help you escape?"

"Escape? Mister, are you the one who tied me up? Are you someone I know? Uhh whoever you are, I'm very sorry if I done something to warrant your actions. Can you explain the situation a bit?"

His questioning gaze was gone, after all i almost never apologise, not to him anyway. "Stop calling me that, just call me scara the way you always insist to."

He paused for a moment before continuing. "We are married, by the way." He get down on his knees to untie the rope.

Wait. WHAT.

This wasn't part of the script. What do you mean we are married??? Plus who even ties up their lover onto a chair??? Could this be another scheme of his??? Wait what will he even gain by claiming I was married to him???

My brain was still processing this development when he finish untying me. "Are you okay dear?" He stared at me nonchalantly. He called me that as if he been calling me that for the last century. What happen to "insignificant insect" and "unsightly worm"???

My lips were sealed for a second as I think carefully about how to reply him. "Mis- I mean Scara, you are saying you are my husband? Then can you explain why am I here, all tied up?" Let's see how you get out of this.

He nods. "One of my enemies blackmail me with your life. No worries, I have already took care of them." He helps me get up like the caring husband he claimed to be.

"I..I see, that explain why I have some burns on my arm..."

"They must've hurt a lot." He gently go over the burns. "I am going to make sure whoever did this will wish they were never born."

It was you. It was your electric shocks. I never realise you can spew so many lies so naturally. Seems like he will also be a formidable enemy if I ever pursue an acting career. Nonetheless, I still have to held back until I escape from this rundown storage.

"Scara, uhmmm if you truly are my husband, can I ask for some food?" Gosh why does that word roll off the tongue.

Dark content. Yandere. Angst? This is just a comfort fic for myself.

Scara pov.

When did it started? My salvation, my drug, —gone. This was what I wanted, I think. So what's this numbing punch in my chest? Like the sickening annoying seagulls circling above your boat in the middle of nowhere, giggling at your predicament with their superior freedom from above.

Oh, how I loved you, tiptoeing on the borders of obsession. When our heart first linked, the saturation was turned up to a hundred. I shut my eyes in reflexes, but you refuse to get out of my sight. Jealous, anger, how dare you live like this while I'm being blinded, how dare you grow up in this rainbow vomit garden and only now introduce me to those purple roses. I was fine until you came along, I didn't know what it was like, and now my eyes burns in your world, yet so captivated I can't leave.

This is your fault, so you don't have a choice. You don't have the right to say "Stop bothering me" and "I'm sick of you". You made me look at you, follow you, addicted to you. How could you?

Even then I still cling onto you, because your words are honey and I am hungry. It doesn't matter what those words means, as long as you still look my way, I will continue.

Are you crying? Your choked sobs sounds so calming, like the breeze before a storm. I want to fill my recordings with it, but your glistering eyes were begging for me, I have to pay attention to my darling.

♡ angst ♡ not proof read ♡ slight gore for sensitive readers ( like a grain of sand ) ♡ not really accurate to lore ♡ ooc

Artist on twitter: Elico79068549

"Scara, today is my birthday!"

"Ah you mean that day where humans celebrate their first day of worthless and mundane existence despite their creation being of no effort of their own?"

"Yes, but it's also to celebrate the fact that you're able to live to this age happy and healthy, for the people around you to be joyful about your presence in their life!"

"How utterly useless, as all humans traditions"

"Eh I guess I should just jump off a cliff right now then since you clearly aren't happy with my existence"

His eyes shot up, he didn't expect you to take it that badly. Panic start running in his veins.

"AHAHAHAHA I'm joking of course. Here, I saved a piece of the birthday cake for you! You're okay with vanilla flavour, right?"

"It doesn't matter to me what flavour it is."

Despite his hesitancy, he took the cake from your hand.

"It taste..decent enough."

"I know you would like it! Enjoy the cake! I'm going to go ham on the booze, cya!"

"HEY I NEVER SAID I LIKED IT, AND DONT DRINK TOO MUCH YOU- *Bam* idiot..."

the door shut on your departure

" *sigh * I will take care of her later"

Scaramouche returned to his paperwork as the next day arrives. That was how you spend your first birthday with him.

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You guys were taking a stroll down the street. Well, it's more like you pushed him out the office to accompany you to your whimps.

"Y/N I STILL HAVE WORK TO DO!"

"Indeed, and one of them is seeing the streets with me. Hurry now, we're going to miss the fireworks!"

"What reasoning is that? Wha-"

You hold his hand and ran before letting him finishing his sentence (most likely another insult). Scaramouche give up on resisting. He doesn't know what get you so excited, but he is used to falling for your sudden nature by now. He stared at your back, at your hair that bounce up and down as you ran, at your jumpy happiness that he wants to keep all to himself, at you, all of you.

Suddenly you stopped in yout tracks.

"Scara look!!!!" You points upwards.

Fireworks of different colour set ablaze high up in the nightsky. Like a thousands different kind of fiery flowers.

The moonlight shine delicately on your face, as the reds, the blues, the greens pop up and went out.

He wanted to burn this sight into his memories, into his eternity.

You look back at him.

"Sorry, I wanted to spend my birthday with you this year but I could only force you out of your office. Otherwise you won't come at all!"

You pout, holding scaramouche hands more tightly than ever.

Maybe you're just as afraid of losing him as he is of you.

"Happy existence day, y/n."

He let out without a thought. His voice was soft. And you knew it was for your ears only.

"Its happy birthday stupid."

He deadpanned.

"Fine, I take it back."

"HEY NO BACKSIES! Plus I would pay you one million to say it again!"

"Then... I shall say it to you next year too."

"Ehh i cant wait that long! Ahh dear Barbatos please let time past faster."

"Pfttt impatient as always hahaha."

"I can't help it. NEXT YEAR, COME SOONER!!"

You shouted.

Your smile is brighter than the moon, he thought. Its funny how you get so excited about the simplest of things, he thought. I wish you stayed that way forever, he thought.

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Scaramouche just return from his expedition.

He's holding a letter you wrote just yesterday, filled with honey laced words , bunch of I miss you, I love you and lastly a "I wanted to see you again ░▒▓██▓▒░". And at the end of the letter, your signature and the date.

Ah it's that day again. Perhaps that why you both were longing for each other so much eventhough you guys had only been three days apart.

He remembered humans have tradition of giving gifts on birthdays. He himself have readied your gift a few weeks ago. A of custom made pendant, made by the most renowned blacksmiths in teyvat, reminiscent of the fireworks and fake stars you both seen together last year.

He spare no time and hurried to your residence. With no second waste, he arrived at your door. He took a deep breath, mustered up every bit of emotion in his body and knock before opening the door.

"HAPPY EXISTENCE DAY, Y/N!"

However, his short lived excitement was responded with silence. Knowing y/n, they most likely is celebrating in their room with their friends. He didn't like the idea of not being the first to wish them on this special day, but he miss them too much to care. He expected your loud voice filled with joy, but as always, you surpass his expectations. Your corpse lay limp as you hang from the ceiling, skin white as the snezhnaya snow,

Scaramouche stood still, he froze in place as his eyes examine and take in every part of your corpse. Then, he hug you, hug you so tightly blood started oozing out of your cutted wounds and one might think your bone shattered.

He wanted to hold your hand one last time, but it was clenching something you refused to let go even after you died. A sticky note, messily written.

"I wanted to see you again before I go. Wish me happy birthday will ya?"

He hooked the pendant to your flesh.

"Happy existence day, y/n. May it corrodes with you."

He didn't cry. He didn't laugh. He was emotionless. This void appeared in his hollow husk once again.

Once more, I've been tainted by worldly filth

My 4th betrayal was a heart, a lover.

Surrounded by sorrow and grief, they seek to run away from the prison of their mind, robbing my torso central cog and leaving me behind to rot.

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E N D

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Self comfort, I just wrote it with scara in mind

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"Today was fun. Busy, but fun. I hung out with my friends, and we made these diy beads bracelet. I made one for you, blue and gold, just like your new outfit. Look, there's even a lotus dangling at the end. I specifically ask the shopkeeper if they have any in store."

"You thought of me in that pretty head of yours? " You took it off my fingers and slip in on. I can tell, there's a glint of disbelief in your eyes.

"I suppose it looks acceptable." You said that, but I already know you will put it in that locked box adorned with intricate golden border of doves, just like the previous bookmark, scarf, pen and everything else I gave you. Deep down, I know you did this because you treasure it, but I can't help the bubbles of disappointment rising in my chest everytime I see the box reappearance.

I'm well aware of your feelings, along with memories of your loving words as proof. So why am I cutting my arms again?

Did you do it because you want to comfort me? Do you feel ashamed of me? Maybe you actually thought it looks hideous.

I wasted money again didn't I? These hands are worth nothing. Perhaps that was why I cut up the bracelet I made. The beads dropping on the group rattle around like annoying crickets, I cause a mess again.

Apprarently we get to choose scara name for 3.3, cause god forbid we call him wanderer. I heard it unchangeable so I've been racking my mind thinking about names for wanderer.

I want it to have significant meaning cause all his name So far means alot too. Also japanese to show his origin.

Ikigai- reason for being

Izanagi - God of creation, first male

Shiju - from beginning to end

As you can probably guess, I want the names to not mean freedom/dream/harmony/honesty/freedom/wind which I've been commonly suggested by other scara fans, rather something than grip himself to the world as a divine being / finding true self.

Art by @nCheng11good on twitter

The first time I saw you, you were reaching for a leaf. You were mesmerised by it, as if you've never been into a forest before. Coated with purple and a golden leaf, you looked like a doll that should be on displace rather than trekking in this dirty forest. I watched as you left with another boy with a red hair streak. I wait for a few more seconds, and then put my head through the circular shape rope I hung on a tree branch. It tightens around my neck, a bit rough but durable. In my struggle I kick away the stool beneath my feet, as I gradually lost consciousness, free from pain.

The second time I saw you, you were adorned with more gold. The hat shadowed your face but I could tell you were furious from the profanities you yell to your underlings. What's so special about the comet that got you all work up? Mortals always care for silly stuff. Seeing you all from the cliff up high made everything seems so meaningless. Why am I caught up in my own sentiments? I put my right feet forward and take a leap. "Foolish mortals" I hear you spoke right before I hit the ground. Your voice was sharp yet there there was a hint of softness to it. Was it empathy?

The third time I saw you, you were stripped of your signature purple, replaced with colours of the sky. For the first time, you seem content. All your rage and naiveness were lost to the past. The Sumeru archon seems to have taken great care of you. Uncontrollably, the two ends of my mouth risen. A flutter in my heart as I saw you two bickering. "Let's not ruin the atmosphere". I step away from the river and turn away. A small hand grab my forearm.

"Why do you desire death so? This world has so much to discover." The Sumeru archon spoke.

"Greetings Buer, your curiosity never faze even in another life."

The child seems serious. "Who are you? Why aren't you in my database? By your question, I presume you met Lord Rukkkhadevata before?"

I didn't answer. The boy standing behind her squint his eyes, carefully analysing my face. "You seem familiar."

"You have grown up, no longer a shadow of Ei, will you also be present for my death this time?"

"I hardly know you, if you want to die, don't cause trouble for others" The boy scoff.

I want to be reset just as you were. How many more times must I die to be in your loving arms again? At least let me forget all my memories, so I would no longer seek you anymore.

Bitterness caught in my throat. I say my last farewell. "May this be the last time we meet."