#mod mari

page 2 moment.. aug.

The number of daily active beta testers has dropped an order of magnitude, according to him.

I am pouring my heart, life, and intimate coming of age thoughts into this webapp that is public and probably unencrypted.

This has probably been the most intimate I have been in writing for over a year.

The energy for this kind of dedication most likely derives from my residual crush on the dev.

When people say love makes you crazy, what they really mean is that love makes you beta-test a webapp for free.

I am recalling an old post I made on Mastodon about a similar time this happened: "maybe i dont want to betatest your webapp maybe i want to kiss you on the lips"

Clearly, I was more punctual, and more aware of what I wanted.

Of course, I would be an idiot to admit any of this in the webapp.

Luckily, I am enough of an idiot to admit this on a public Tumblr with leaky opsec.

Oh wait. I was enough of an idiot to have said I was gay on the webapp.

Though, the exact word I used was "homosexuality".

Perhaps the recent vividness of my attraction to men has affected the intentionality of my behavior.

In any event, I like to think that whenever he messaged me about my writing he was just asynchronously refreshing the webpage and reading the updated appends.

Like the rest of the beta-testers, when they want to get caught up on each other's activity.

Assuming, of course, that these beta-testers are particularly active.

(They are not active, as I have implied.)

Frankly, I think he gets a notification whenever someone sends a message to the webapp.

If that is true, then he's gotten plenty of notifications from my part of the webapp.

It is most likely true, because it seems like he's running the webapp on a personal server.

Oh. He's running it on Replit.

Oh. He has his code and account on Replit.

Which makes sense, because you need to pay Replit to have private conversations.

Did I say conversations? I meant repositories.

I wonder where that word came from.

To be honest, I am resisting the urge to stalk him.

Which is also funny, because some of my internet experiences and knowledge have -- how should I say this -- refined my awareness of the latent contextuality of public social activity on the internet.

I have it in good faith such problems will sort themselves out with time.

Emphasis on time, because I should finally mention that he lives in my opposite timezone.

We actually have a very narrow slice of synchronous time.

I do not foresee him moving to my timezone nor I to him.

I'm not sure why he would, or I would.

He has friends in other places.

Do I count as a friend to him?

He seems receptive to making friends.