#mod hakki

Is it common fear?? I am really worried.

hi! first i want to say thank you for running this blog, its really kind of you and yall have helped me out a lot!!

on to my question, if you have sexual trauma is it normal to feel like the person is still touching you sometimes? i sometimes will just be vibing and suddenly it feels like theyre touching me again- if it is, do you have any ways to make it go away?

thank you-

benni

Hey there, Benni! Thank you so much for the kind words, I speak in behalf of all the mods when I say that knowing we've been able to help you absolutely makes our day. Now, I'll first answer your main question clearly, then we'll get to an explanation, and them some advice:

Yes, it is normal. I'd go as far as say it's normal.

A term that's already well known for people who read on trauma and trauma disorders is flashback. What is not as well known about them, though, is that there are many different kinds of flashbacks. Without getting too technical, flashbacks are re-experiencing the sensations from the traumatic event resurface: these can range from emotions, to sounds, to, yes, touch. Absolutely normal.

For advice, you can go about it in many ways. Some people try dealing with them like any other flashbacks: reminding yourself the sensations aren't real, and ride them out. Others try to define what the triggers are and avoid them. You can also experiment with grounding yourself; seeing as though they are physical sensations, stimulating your senses may help, with different textures, sensations, and stimuli. It may work!

Hey, anon! That's a very complex question. I wish I could give you a quick answer, but I can't. Here are the simplest explanations I can manage:

First of all, trauma doesn't inherently lead to a dissociative disorder, or to PTSD. The ways an individual reacts and grows after trauma can be wildly different. They can affect different areas of psyche and physiology, not always leading to PTSD. In this sense, no, trauma /itself/ doesn't inherently cause memory loss.

That being said, memory issues /are/ one of the most predominant symptoms found in people with PTSD, C-PTSD, and other dissociative/trauma disorders. These issues might not necessarily be forgetting things - they might be false memories, flashbacks, distorted perception of time, and, yes, sometimes memory loss. Either way, it is generally considered that memory disturbances are a recquired diagnostic criteria for trauma disorders. It should be noted, though, that memory loss related to trauma will only occurs at or after the period of time where the traumatic event occurred. If you did not experience trauma during your childhood, then experiencing trauma later on should not cause you to have memory loss of that period.

Do you guys have advice for like. Short term goals. Like I have long term things I'm working towards like moving out and being able to live away from my parents, but the days between just feel so useless and it's hard to go day to day because I have nothing I'm looking forwards to on a daily basis. I just wanna have something that makes it feel like these days mean anything.

Hey, anon! Short term goals can be a hard thing to nail - between getting the balance between goals and chores, managing the time and energy you're willing to devote to them, and even just finding something you actually enjoy, they can be a struggle. Here are some ideas for you!

Pick up a new hobby. Hobbies are great ways to have little, pressure free things to look forward to each day. You can pick up anything from art, baking, music, meditation, writing, anything!

Learn something. Maybe a new language, coding, or dancing - either a style or a single choreography. Different things will have take more or less time, but they can help you feel like you're doing something worthwhile.

Start working out. Without pressure! Working out is great for moving yourself everyday, and setting small goals that can help you feel productive and accomplished! I'd recommended ground Pilates or calisthenics if you don't want to invest in a lot of equipment.

Do some volunteering. A lot of places need help in a lot of different areas. Almost everyone has a skill that can be put to good use - if you don't, you can learn, or even just talking to people or handling the mundane chores that pile up! If you have the time and energy, this is definitely something to look into.

Try setting a daily schedule. If possible, give yourself a set time for waking up and going to bed, have a self-grooming schedule, keep your living area clean, and cook your meals - even if it's just preheating one you already had. If daily isn't your thing, try weekly events to look forward to. These can be anything from a walk around the block, to watching a movie, eating out, or a call with someone in your life. You can have a set day every week, or change it around - whatever works for you.

Anon, I would like to first of all say that no response to trauma is coward. Surviving trauma is one of the bravest things one can do, and you should always look to feel empowered in your survival - it took strength and courage, remember that.

Second of all, it's super important to keep in mind that different people have varied long term results from trauma, even when the trauma between them is similar. You are in no obligation to heal as quickly, or similarly, to your friends. Having complicated feelings towards your former abuser is normal, continuing to fear them after the abuse has ended is normal, feeling self conscious of your trauma response is normal - you are 100% valid and entitled to all these hard, complicated emotions, which do all derive from trauma.

As always, the best thing you can do for yourself is keep going. There are countless ways one can manage these experiences: some people distance themselves from the abuser, some people distance themselves from the memories, some people confront them and some don't. Different people heal and move on in different ways, anon, you should strive to find out what will work for you. Going on, keeping what helps and changing what doesn't, will slowly build on your strength, and working on this trauma and on your healing means this fear won't be eternal. Just remember that you're strong, capable, and absolutely not a coward!

So I've recently come to the conclusion that I'm aromantic, this causes a lot of problems as I currently have a partner. I don't think what I feel for them is romantic love but I'm very conflicted on how to feel, I feel really comfortable around them, more so than with any other relationships I've been in but I'm struggling a lot with what to do, I know I should probably tell them but I'm really scared to. I just wish I realized this before getting into a relationship with them but I also think I never really liked them romantically and it was more an idea put in my head, one of our mutual friends mentioned that we looked like we were dating and that'd we'd be cute together knowing they liked me at this time and I think that's what confused me but we've been together for a bit over a month now

Sorry this is all over the place, thank you guys for everything you do

Hey, anon! I myself am arospec, so this is going to be an answer coming from a place of common ground - still, keep in mind that romantic attraction is very varied, and so is the way people relate to that! Above all, know that the way to self acceptance as a queer person is often rocky, even when it comes to other people, and that this is a struggle lots of queer people face.

Coming to terms with an identity that possibly interferes in a relationship is very hard. On the one hand, your partner deserves to know about these feelings, especially if they change the context of your getting together or the future of the relationship. On the other, you're absolutely not owed to broadcast your personal feelings and identity to people, just as they are not owed your privacy. To strive for middle ground can be hard, though. Some other things to consider are: what kind of future do you see for the relationship? What kind of reaction are you expecting, and what kind are you likely to receive? If there may be backlash, are you mentally steady in your identity and emotions to handle it? How will this affect your feelings and your partner's? Are there extra things or people tied to this? And much more. All of these things are good to keep in mind, so that whatever decision you chose can be made with a clear mind.