Let's talk about what "healthy" Really looks like when you're persodivergent.
I feel like it's not a surprise when I say that the idea of what's pushed for "healing" and "healthy" is being as neurotypical, or in this case persotypical, as you can be. To erase symptoms and act "normal". This of course is not a reasonable expectation, and in fact leads to many not feeling like they can make any progress. If they can't reach the end goal, why would they even try? Or maybe even taking steps towards that just aren't feasible in the first place.
In reality, making progress is more about not being overtaken by your symptoms. Being able to have a say in your life. Knowing how to make your lows not as extreme. You don't grow out of personality disorders, age or otherwise. Instead you learn how to manage it. And most of the time that management will not look like what's "normal" or "acceptable" for persotypicals.
I think our most recent example of this is with my acceptance of DPD, and in turn starting to look at my behaviours. Where I'm already coping alright, and where I need more supports.
I realized that one of the things I've been doing, that I've given myself a hard time for previously, is actually a pretty good coping mechanism I have in place. I'm sure no one with DPD is unfamiliar with the need for help with activities, especially self maintenance ones. Food, dishes, meds, that sort of stuff. It's very easy to let this stuff go unchecked and just fall aside because doing it yourself is not an option. At first my system had to either do it themselves, or get someone to tell me to do it. Or my now dp had to check in regularly and get me to do it. I couldn't even bring myself to be able to ask for help. Over time, with this being more of a routine however, I've gotten to a place where I can ask for help. I can ask my dp if I really do need to take my meds. Sure the answer hasn't changed since the last hundred times I've asked. I Know I need to take meds. But I still can't do it myself.
For a good while I gave myself a lot of shit for not being able to do it myself. Because that's not what a functional neurotypical expects of themselves. Upon acceptance of my DPD however, I realized that it's actually a really impressive method I was able to put in place. I'm not solely relying on others anymore. I'm able to get most of it done myself. I recognize a need, and instead of letting it go unfulfilled, I reach out and ask for a reason to fulfill it. Because of my DPD I don't naturally have those reasons the same way someone without DPD would. That's not going to change no matter how much progress I make. What Does change is having found a way to satiate that need. An alternative way to get it met, instead of letting it go unmet. This might not be healthy for an Independent, but it Is healthy for a Dependent.
This is what we mean when we say working in context of your disorder. That your healthy will not look like what's expected of someone without that PD, and that's okay. What's important is finding a way to get your needs met. Because how you work is different than someone without your PD(s), how you manage will be different. It's important to not try and push yourself to what is "normal", because often times you end up doing more damage than needed.
