If you identify as female, then you are not nonbinary. However, identifying as female does not mean that you have to use she/her pronouns! You can use any pronouns you like!

From this list: http://genderqueeries.tumblr.com/titles

Mum/Dad

Parent; neutral, formal.

Per; neutral, short for parent.

Par; neutral, short for parent.

Dommy; queer, mixture of mommy and daddy (note: sounds like Dom/me, a BDSM term)

Maddy; queer, mixture of mummy/mommy and daddy.

Muddy; queer, mixture of mummy and daddy.

Moddy; queer, mixture of mommy and daddy.

Zaza; queer, based on mama and papa/dada.

Zither; queer, based on mother and father. (Note, zither is also the name of a musical instrument.)

Baba; neutral, based on mama and dada. (Note, baba means dad in some languages and grandmother in others.)

Nini; queer, based on the N in NB, similar to mama and papa/dada.

Bibi; queer, based on the B in NB, similar to mama and papa/dada.

Cennend; neutral, Old English (Anglo-Saxon) meaning parent.

Cenn; neutral, short for cennend.

Parents could also have a unique term for themselves, perhaps based on their name?

(Also, I do think ‘parent’ would start seeming less cold if you used it more.)

~ Mod Sock

EDIT: Thanks to Mod Ceibh, we’d also like to offer parental unit (which is a Coneheads ref that I have heard people use seriously) and life-giver (if appropriate and comfortable for you).

666luftballons replied:

Hey anon, thank you so much for bringing this up! You’re right, there is an extremely saddening lack of focus on older nonbinary folks, and I think it is so, so important that kids like us are able to see themselves in their older role models. They are such wonderful, strong people who deserve recognition, so let me take this opportunity to tell you about some of the amazing older people I have in my life!

As I have mentioned in my introduction as a mod, I am a peer sex educator at a local youth program for LGBT teenagers. What I haven’t mentioned, however, is that this youth program is only one tiny part of a much larger organization thats spread alllllll around my state, and part of being a peer leader means that one of my duties is to attend bimonthly meetings with everyone involved with this organization. That means all the other youth peer leaders….and the adults they work with.

Its such an inspiring experience, honestly. In just my workplace alone, our program director is a genderfluid person in their 50s, who has been living in my town longer than I’ve been alive. They’ve been working in LGBT advocacy for the better part of thirty years now, and have been responsible for not only my town’s first pride parade, but our first LGBT prom and yearly tradition of hosting an intergenerational LGBT dinner with an elders group in the area. Our resident youth specialist, a nonbinary femme (and their super fantastic demiboy husband) are younger but still in their mid-30s, and have been doing an absolutely fantastic job so far in keeping our space safe and friendly. Both them and their husband, although he’s not technically an employee, have been adopted as the parents of the kids in our space who’s own aren’t doing their job well just because of how kind and understanding they are. Our previous youth advisor who recently moved was…Well, he was amazing. Bigender, in his 30s as well, he was such a huge influence on all our older group members and honestly such a driving force in my life. He’s helped me so much, personally, in finding my path - as unconventional as it is- and has helped me work though some really difficult times a few years ago and will forever hold a place in the hearts of everyone who worked with him.

Working in the greater organization can sometimes be a bit frustrating, because each youth group has their own kind of culture and ways and trying to translate that into a way we can work together can be a challenge, but such a worthy one. I have met so many hard working and inspiring older nonbinary folks, from all walks of life and with vastly different things to teach. The intergenerational dinner I previously mentioned? All the members of the elders group are between the ages of 60 and 100, and I have held some really interesting and informative discussions with the nonbinary members about their lives and growth as people! One notable experience is a transfeminine nonbinary woman who told me about how she came out to her wife when she was 57 years old. She began to formally transition a few years later, and explained to me how overjoyed she was to learn that not only was there a term to describe her experience as a person, but that she finally lived in an area in a time in her life where she could comfortably and freely live as she wants. She has three children and a grandchild, and has never been happier.

If you are a young nb and worried about your future, or worse, believe there is no future to worry about… I promise you, these amazing people are prime examples of how you can live happily well into adulthood without worrying about whether your identity is just something you picked up as a dumb kid. If you’re older, hey, you’re not the only one! Older nb folks exist everywhere you care to look, all it takes is a little time to find them. xx

-Kan

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Hi, there! I just wanted to chime in here that I’m over 20 and have ID’d as nonbinary for several years! As for your bet, thanks, but if you have nothing better to do with your life than harrassing and trying to police how other people identify, I don’t think we want it. Thanks, but no thanks. Have a nice day, and thanks for your message!

~Mod Ceibh

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Didn’t even ID as nonbinary until I was over 20!

Hello dear ones,

Mod Ceibh here, unrelated but inadvertently supporting the many times we’ve encouraged you all to experiment, I’m test-driving a new name!

From now on, I’ll be going by Rowan. So if you see that, not a mod switch, just  a name switch!

~Mod Rowan

Hey!

Rowan isn’t the only one testing things out, though the timing is entirely coincidental, I assure you. I have decided to drop Kan and try out (and will probably stick with) Leo from here on out! Hope y’all have a great day/night/whatever, hope this change isn’t tooooo hard to swallow x

Yes, they are! Very important, and a hugely under-represented part of the community!

Shout out to all amab nonbinary folks out there! We love you!

You do not have to be a woman to love, respect, and support women. You’re not “turning your back on” women by being true to yourself. Throwing women under the bus or, say, blaming all women for the actions of female TERFs would be an example of turning your back on women. 

Staying true to yourself and identifying in the way that feels best for you and loving, respecting, and supporting women are not mutually exclusive. You can do both.

~Mod Ceibh

I actually relate to this. I’ve mentioned before on this blog about how my personality is feminine but my gender isn’t… Because of that, I’ve felt like a traitor to women because if I’m still gonna be feminine… why not be a woman? 

Ultimately, through a lot of soul searching, I’ve come to the conclusion that my comfort in my identity isn’t detrimental to women because it shouldn’t be seen as an insult. I didn’t “betray” womanhood or “turn my back” when I “left” because I didn’t leave anything. I didn’t betray women, I accepted myself. And that’s a good thing.

Every once in a while though I’ll hear this voice pop up that says “But I mean you should just identify as a woman, they need your political presence” and that’s a large reason I identify as “woman aligned.” Because otherwise I feel like I’ve left their fight against misogyny, and I don’t want to do that. 

Maybe the term “woman aligned” might help you too?

practice a lot! if you mess up, start the sentence/statement over with the correct pronouns.

talk to yourself!

practice! a lot!

if you do mess up, don’t focus on messing up, or talk about how you messed up, just start over and use the right pronouns.

practice!

practice a lot!

I’m assuming you are already, but just in case: talk to your partner about this. Sometimes it can help just to vent to someone who cares about you, and they might have some insight that would be specific to the situation and the people involved that we just can’t have.

As far as the posts, go to these people directly--in private message--and put your foot down. Make it clear that this is your wedding, not theirs, and that the nature of the posts they’re tagging you in is creating disruption in your well-being. Also let them know that if they continue tagging you in these kinds of posts, you’re going to unfriend/block them. 

I can’t imagine how stressful it must be to be going through this, especially if this is coming from people who are important to you or who you want at your wedding. Ultimately, if they truly care about you, they’ll stop.

Most importantly, take some time for self-care, whatever that means for you. Your favorite music, a cathartic activity, your favorite food, or a back rub/massage--if you’re okay with someone touching you. If you are: bonus points if you’re able to trade massages with your partner, or at least try to--sometimes fumbling your way through giving a massage when you’re not good at it can be stress-relieving, and a wonderful bonding experience.