#mmmm yeah

trackstar x knights story

uhhh izuleo divorce

im devastated

Just finished Mag 115 taking stock, where we get our second appearance/convo with Helen!Distortion and it got me thinking

the avatars seem to embody the fears in some one way, the characteristics of the person aligning or shifting to align to some major aspect of the fear. It’s an obvious observation but a key part in how it seems to work

Jon as the archivist has his thirst for knowledge and understanding, even at his own detriment, having to ask questions to his kidnappers and enemies even when it would behove him to stfu (love that about him tho) he has the compulsion to record, he has a strong sense of paranoia and suspicion (not wrong tho lol) all traits he had at the beginning but rly got amplified as they align with the eye

Helen!distortion (as of what we currently know (mag115)) is confused and adrift a little bit, almost timid, the sort of worry and unfamiliarity and fear you having of losing yourself when you catch moments of clarity while struggle to be fully mentally there (mental health, insomnia, memory problems, sometimes post-coma effects) the haze and uncertainty of gently ‘spiraling’ out of control

at least so far, it could fully develop into itself and grow more confident for sure, very excited to see where Helen goes (and I felt so bad for it when it came to Jon (I totally get why Jon reacted the way he did, I think in his place I would have done the same)) I hope she gets some reassurance and comfort

Michael!Distortion is interesting, it seems that esp for avatars of the distortion that the process of ‘becoming’ is supposed to erase the originals personality of sorts, hollow the out and leave more a shell or vessel. That only the form/memories and strongest traits would possibly ‘survive’ as it were and effect that iteration of the distortion

we learn from convos with Michael him/itself (I hope I’m not misgendering here, it’s a little hard to keep track of the pronouns surrounding the distortion) that Michael does not want to be Michael in this version of reality, the og Michael was tricked into this and the distortion was trapped within, a sense of anger and rage from Michael almost, deep disappointment(?) from the distortion, as this was all just Gertrude being Gertrude and stopping a ritual

Michael!Distortion at multiple points, perhaps most easily seen in re-listens and after the fact acts in a un-distortion like manner, some of it can be argued as like, yeah the spiral would fuc around and be on no one’s side/flip between helpful and antagonistic but other parts, like dropping by the archivist and giving a statement before its plans to kill him, is expressively stated by Michael himself as ‘against his nature’

and it certainly goes against the distortion but it makes sense for Michael Shelley who was unwanted and unloved in his role at the institute and by itself as the distortion, the confusing mess of identity and lack thereoff, the left over resentment from two different sources

It makes it as arguably Michael as it does Distortion interestingly

now, where does Lydia Halligan come into play with all this rambling?

well, Lydia is from Mag 74, Fatigue, which is brilliant, just brilliant. It’s the statement of Lydia, who suffers severe insomnia and seems to be falling prey to the Spiral. (One of I think my fav eps to far, it’s so damn good and well written, it encapsulates severe insomnia perfectly)

Lydia’s insomnia and fatigue prey upon her mind and leave her open for the spirals influence to seep into the gaps between each tired crack. Several elements of the spiral are within the statement including the presence itself of Michael!Distortion which interesting

in the only other case of Michael himself getting involved in the spirals prey (that I can remember anyway) is Helen, where he was immediate and quick to get her back into the corridor of the spiral

yet Michael plays a more passive role, simply being in the presence of Lydia, in her house, with her at the park (again I think, I could be wrong)

from the distortions angle to its prey it could be that Lydia simply wasn’t ‘ready’ yet to drag into the corridor and consume or whtvr but from Michael’s possible angle it could be that he felt a sort of kinship with the woman slowly losing herself and her grasp on reality, maybe sympathy, maybe he knew her pre being fed to the door by Gertrude idk

(iv read some delicious theories that the flowers Michael had when Sasha first saw it was for Lydia’s grave as she she died soon after giving her statement, another interesting thing, that she died here, and not taken into the corridor to be consumed as Helen had initially been and the guy she grabbed)

but Lesbo! That’s still focusing on Michael and not rly on Lydia!

yeah I know, I love to ramble and yap gemme a minute

so! As we have established, avatars embody different flavors of the fear they serve, one fear can have multiple different ways be ‘represented’ (Michael and Helen, Simon Fairchild and Mike Crew ((who I haven’t even mentioned, (RIP Mike))) and in the case of the spiral aspects/personality traits of the original person seem to at least bleed through and effect how the Spiral manifests.

I think Lydia with her meandering observations of sanity slipping through her fatigued view would make a fascinating avatar, we only got the one statement of her so we don’t know as much as the others, but the kind of insanity that Lydia experienced, the one brought on by being stretched to thin to far, un-able to truly rest or relax, slow march on, grating down the nerves and senses raw on and on would have made an interesting embodiment of the spirals insanity

perhaps trailing, meandering in thought and observation of the world around it with bursts of snappish temper and quick jerking reactions idk

𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮.

𝐢𝐭 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐝𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞. your laughter is like music, your eyes like city lights. you're so lighthearted and easygoing that you make everyone around you have so much fun, even in the simplest moments. your heart is a place of amusement parks and fireworks and three a.m. giggles. people feel energized every time they see you, but as much as you love people, it can get pretty draining. remember to take breaks when you need them. you're more than just the comic relief, and you deserve to be just as happy as you make everyone else.