#mlem rambles

Some of you may know, a lot of you may not, but I'm my grandmother's primary caregiver, and the past few months have been hard. I've been absent in a lot of avenues of my own life trying to balance out being a caregiver and being an actual... you know, person, and it's taken a toll on me lately. It's taken a bit for it to really sink in how far past burnout I'd gone, how far I'd isolated myself from everything I loved (which... was a lot) in order to try and function with watching my grandmother further deteriorate.

Well... It's finally sunk in. It's hit; just how much of myself I'd been giving up to the 'cause,' as it were. How much I was completely and utterly just... shutting off, in the name of self preservation. I became a robot, completely and utterly, without interests or emotions, because I thought that was easier, and in some ways, it was. It was also, as you can guess, soul-crushing. (It's also something I've been working through professionally, for obvious reasons.)

Now, as to why I'm saying any of this, why I'm pouring this all out now? There's a few reasons, one of which, is a thank you. A genuine, heartfelt thank you to all of the lovely people, talented creators, amazing artists and writers that have genuinely kept me sane within the chaos. Y'all are awesome, and I thank you for letting me be part of the community ❤️.

As I said, I'm not leaving! This isn't me hanging up my coat and hat! This is me sticking my flag in the ground. I'm staying here, and I'll be slowly getting back into the swing of things. I may be a bit slow to update, but I'm sure as hell gonna update. It takes a lot to claw back the bits and pieces, but it's time. It's necessary.