#mlbalance

My job requires insane hours in the summer. 16 hour days are the norm, not the exception. It’s only for a few weeks, but it’s a very intense few weeks and somehow over the last few years shit hits the fan in my personal life just as work is getting crazy. Freddie my senior Pomeranian has had health issues flare up for the last 2 summers and again this past week My fiance has had some personal life drama the last 2 summers and now this summer - he got injured at work 2 weeks ago and resulting in numerous doctor visits and worker’s comp.

When I’m busy with work self-care is already really hard for me, but them to add on stress due to my loved ones it can be absolutely overwhelming. I’m so quick to take care of others before myself and then I find myself with the candle wick burned down completely at both ends. I already feel so out of sorts and it’s only been a week of craziness. 4 more weeks of this are going to be tough, this upcoming week is especially intense. I’m prioritizing fitness and sleep because I know both of these things are guaranteed to make me feel better. However, I’m also frustrated that my eating isn’t great and that wedding planning, and Measuring Life work are limping along. I know I can’t do it all and I know I shouldn’t attempt it, but I have the little voice that tells me I’m a worthless failure because I can’t do and be everything.

I somehow can’t allow myself to see that despite the long days at work for a few weeks, I have been working for 10 months to make these events happen. We start our initial summer planning and goal setting the Friday before Labor Day and then chip away at our monumental task each and every day. I think my age coupled with my cynicism for my work and field lead to extra lethargy. I’ve definitely “lost that loving feeling.” At the same time, I have also come to accept that I romanticized how I thought I’d feel in my job, but here I am coming up on my 3 year anniversary next week and I feel very meh. I guess meh is better than burned out which is how I previously felt. I’m excited to start my health grad certificate classes in the fall which is a big bonus of my employer, but I am also curious how long I can “hang in there.” I’m tired, work feels like Groundhogs Day most days. The funny thing is that there is a LINE of people who are just waiting for me to leave (or other people at my level in my field of work) who would be thrilled (or think they would be thrilled) to do my job. Knowing despite all your backbreaking work that you are replaceable is tough on the ego, even if your employer has no idea of your true value to their organization.

I had a lot of years of uncertainty in what was next in my life. From seriously job searching in southern California for all of 2015 into 2016, to starting my current job and getting the house and moving in w/ T in summer 2016 to all the work and renovation drama of 2017 oh and getting engaged - no pressure. Finally 2018 had been a calm year in many ways and I feel like I can really set my sights on the future that's within my reach.

I have long been one for New Years resolutions, but for 2018 I set an intention...

Jeff Bezos has famously said about work-life balance that it is “a debilitating phrase because it implies there's a strict trade-off." He goes on to say, “I think work-life harmony is a good framework. I prefer the word 'harmony' to the word 'balance' because balance tends to imply a strict tradeoff.” Bezos said that the relationship between his work life and personal life is reciprocal, and that he doesn't compartmentalize them into two competing time constraints. "It actually is a circle. It's not a balance.”

I don’t complete disagree with Mr. Amazon, but for 2018 balance for me meant more than work-life balance. My life needed balance. I needed to work out, sleep enough, eat right, spend quality time with loved ones, budget better, break my phone addiction, relax, and not spend any unnecessary hours at work.