#missingyousucks

i don’t know when i became the girl that cried over a stupid boy when she got drunk. when she let all of her emotions take over and she couldn’t control herself anymore. i don’t know when i allowed you to have that much control over me. i can’t even enjoy myself when i’m drunk because i think of you. 

when i’m sober i’m okay because i can remind myself of every bad thing that you ever did or said to me, but when i’m drunk...

 i think about how i used to crawl into bed with you after a long night out and fall asleep with my head on your chest. i think about how you would run your fingers through my hair and say “tell me something i don’t know about you already.” 

when i’m drunk i want so desperately to call you and tell you about my day... and sometimes i do. 

when i’m sober i can stop myself. “THINK OF HOW MISERABLE HE MADE YOU FEEL,” my subconscious screams. but when i’m drunk it’s like her voice turns to yours and my chest aches at the thought of never seeing you again, or telling you the minor details that i’ve never dared to tell anyone else.