#missingdaddy

[To: Fatherless, Motherless and Orphan]

I never knew that being fatherless would make me feel so fine, powerful, and worthwhile. Because, people sometime told me "What can you do without your dad around, huh?" and I was like "Ya, I'll be so aimless and powerless. maybe I'm not gonna make it"

But, hey here I am making this writing to wake you guys up that a motherless, fatherless or orphan people can do exactly like other complete family do. Even better.

Underestimate me and give me the opportunity to prove you wrong.

Ya, even I always get really jealous when I see or read about people have a good relationship with their dad or their parent. Pernah mereka melucutiku dengan kata kasar, aku tersinggung. Mereka bilang aku anak yg tak beruntung, karena ditinggal ayah di usia belia. I used to ask Allah, why my dad? Why do they leave?

Immature and fearful, they walk away. My father left me when I was but an infant. Leaving the children, leaving the wife.

As fatherless girls dream about life, but had no model to find how to realize their dreams. The orphan people often cry silently, even when they smile. They dream about something that they didn’t have, and that they don’t know where to find. I know exactly how it feels to lose the person you love.

I remember the sadness I used to feel, the loneliness. I remember even lying and saying I had a dad, just to not feel left out. I even said to people who seem 'scary' that I had dad and somehow it made me feel safe.

Growing into a women and men, we need a male and female role model. I never had one that I truly looked up too. I always yearned for that male role model who would talk to me about Islam, how to deal with life, talk to me about being better person and be so on point person, etc. And that person was in my dad personality.

It just turned 10 years since I've become a fatherless little girl. and I realized that as each year passes, I learnt it by myself, I am maturing more and more into a woman and take all of my papa's advice. I have come such a long way, without a father in my life. I did it all on my own, and that is enough of an accomplishment for me.

But lately, I deeply truly need a daddy figure in my life. 

Kami, butuh sosok seorang figur ayah atau figur ibu di usia pasang surut ini, butuh ketegasan dalam hidup. Kita butuh tempat berpulang, saat hidup mulai kacau, pelarian selalu bersandar pada ayah dan ibu. Terkadang sebagian dari kita mungkin ingin pergi, melepas letih dan bercerita, tapi bingung hendak kemana.

Hidup dengan tanpa salah satu atau kedua orangtua itu sulit sekali. Kau harus siap menahan rindu dan tak tahu mesti diapakan, sesak. Kadang saat masalah muncul, kau jadi gusar karena tak ada yg membela. Orangtua itu seperti benteng pertahanan, saat benteng sudah tak ada, kita harus siap sedia melawan tanpa ada bantuan dari orang-orang terkasih. Tak ada yang menyokong. Tapi, selalu ada Allah yang membantu, Tuhan semesta alam. Tak peduli betapapun sulitnya, inshAllah bisa teratasi. Meski rindu tak kunjung henti.

Dear Pa, Ma, because of you we were not born daughters we were not born son we entered this world as women as men and on our own

May all of us will gather with our parents again in Jannah, aamiinn.