And I love you, by the way. As much as a fool can love anyone, which is never enough.

A year ago I couldn't express much for your birthday, the situation between us was difficult but not as much as it is now but I have many things to tell you and I want to start with a greeting that sounds monotonous and even repetitive but happy birthday, I wish you all the best in the world, you deserve every good thing that happens to you, you deserve eternal happiness and the love of the world, you are one of the people I have loved the most in my entire life, I want you to enjoy life and everything it can give you. I want you to never suffer for love, I want the sun to rest in your window every morning, I want the moonlight to illuminate every step you take. I want you to know how much I have loved you for these 3 years, I want all the best for you, I want you to know that no matter how much time has passed and how far away we are most of the time I want you to feel the warmth of my love, because I have been here before and forever. I will be happy and proud of you forever, a prosperous life full of beautiful things awaits you. I think I'll love you forever, and you'll always be you. The love of my life, you always will be, you deserve the sky, the sea, and the earth, you deserve that I don't know what it's like to cry, you deserve all the love I can give you, and you deserve everything you have and more. Happy birthday, beautiful girl. I love you and I hope that one day my love will be all you need. I'll love you forever, D*****.

I still love you. I don't know how to explain it. I guess it's because I really can't, and even though someone once told me "the best things are never explained," this feels wrong—not the fact that I love you, but the fact that I shouldn't because even though there's no one else for me, there never has been, and there never will be, I know it's not mutual. I also know from the guy you call "the love of your life" that you're planning to be a family, a bigger one than just the two of you and your dogs, one where there will soon be two little feet running around in the yard. I knew this would happen one day but I never prepared myself to hear it, I once said it: "I know you want to be a mom, I think you'd be the coolest" and that same night I was asked if I could hate a miniature being just because it's the product of that stupid bear on steroids, but honestly I could never hate someone who has the eyes of the love of my life, someone who has the same gap in their fangs as the woman I've loved the most, someone whose innocent little face tells me that I should let you go already because there's nothing left in the dust of my hopes that could be with you, I've put this off too long. I said I'd walk away when you got married, I couldn't do it. I said when you have babies but will I really? Because children are the greatest confirmation that nothing will separate you from him because you love him and you chose him but, isn't that the same as marriage? Or is this just me putting off letting you go because I can't imagine a life without the pleasurable ache that your love brings me?

When are you gonna stop breaking my heart? I don't wanna be the other one, paying for the things I never did

You are not my first love, nor the first person I loved. But you are the one I have loved the most, I have never fallen in love like this and I will NEVER do it again, you are going to be my last love because after you I will not want to repeat this, I do not want anyone else, I do not want to write letters at two in the morning again, letters that I know will never be read. I do not want to love anymore, but I can not stop doing it with you. What did you do to me D*****? I know that no one will love you like me and that I will never love someone again like I love you, this feeling does not fit in my chest anymore, do me a favor will you, and kill me. Because I can not find another way to stop loving you.