#misha reader insert

Ducking his head down, he pressed his lips to yours; the kiss quickly turning heated. The taste and feel of his tongue rolling against yours still managed to leave you breathless. One of his hands threaded through your hair while the other wrapped firmly around your waist; pulling your pliant body against his.

As much as you wanted to stay in Mishas arms all day, you forced yourself to pull away from him. “Mmff… I have to get ready for work.”

“I don’t want you to.” Misha pouted while playfully trying to keep you from wiggling free. “Call in sick. We can stay home and play doctor.”

You laughed heartily; briefly distracted from attempting to escape. Misha took the opportunity to pull you close again; kissing along your jaw and neck. Before he was able to make your knees go completely weak, you managed to remember that you didn’t want to be late for work; again.

“I have to get ready.” He let you pull away this time as you patted his cheek. “We will continue this tonight.”

——————

“Mish?!” You yelled as you entered you apartment only a couple hours after leaving for work. “Are you still here?”

He scooted around the corner to ask what you were doing home so early, but understood immediately upon seeing your pale, clammy skin and the ‘I hate everything’ expression on your face. “Hey, come here and sit down.”

You dragged your feet to the couch and plopped down with a groan. “You should probably go. I don’t want to give you whatever I have.”

“Have you eaten?” He asked, ignoring your suggestion. “I have my cure-all soup at home in the freezer.”

“Ew, no.” You were starving, but the idea of food made you want to wretch. “I don’t know if I could even keep it down.”

Pulling your shoes off and lifting your legs in to the couch, he only smiled softly and kissed your forehead. “You should try. I’ll be right back.”

Upon returning, he found you sitting in the kitchen munching away on a baguette you had brought home from work. “I think I just needed to eat something.”

“Told you.” He said with a smirk as he opened the ziplock bag and began heating the frozen soup on the stove. “You should save some of that for your lunch here.”

Standing up, you kissed him on the cheek and smiled brightly. “You’re too good for me.”

——————

Over the next week, you began noticing an odd pattern. If you went longer than a few hours without eating, you’d become annoyingly nauseous; but as soon as you ate something, you’d feel normal again.

“Your probably knocked up.” Your co-worker Emily said with a laugh.

“That’s not even funny!” It really wasn’t, but you weren’t going to get into details with her about it. “Plus, that’s not even possible; I’ve been on birth control for years. Maybe I’m just getting old. I’m not 20 anymore.”

Emily shrugged and changed the subject, but now the seed of doubt has been planted. What if you were pregnant? How would Misha feel about it? You had only officially been together for a short time and he was already in his early forties; surely he didn’t want a baby disrupting his life even more than you already had.

You decided to push those worries aside for the moment. You had been on birth control even since Paul insisted several years ago after… what happened and there hadn’t been even a scare since then.

——————

A few more weeks passed and you let your worries dissipate. Your appetite had increased, but you chalked it up to stress. Every potential symptom had a logical explanation, therefore there was no reason to worry.

Work had been difficult one particular day; short staffed and busy. You still managed to eat lunch, but you had been dreaming of the leftover pizza sitting in your fridge. The walk home was short and you practically drooled the whole way.

Walking inside, you headed straight for the kitchen and froze in your tracks at the sight of Misha shoving the last bite into his mouth. “Hey, how was work?” He asked while chewing on the very thing you had desired all day.

“You…” your voice cracked unexpectedly. Tears were spilling down your face before you even had a chance to finish your statement.

Misha rushed over to you, assuming the worst; that you had seen Paul. “Woah, Y/N, calm down. What happened?”

What happened? He ate your pizza; that’s what happened. “How could you?!” You shouted through tears and weakly tried to push him away. “I’d been wanting that all day and you just…”

“I’m sorry.” He still didn’t understand what he had done wrong, but clearly you were upset with him. The only thing he could do was wait until you were calm.

After a moment, you finally composed yourself. “Misha, we need to talk.”

His heart pounded in his chest at the seriousness of your tone. Were you not happy? Did you not want to be with him anymore? Did you miss Paul? “Ok. Let’s talk.”

“I need to go to the store.” You said abruptly. “I need to know for sure.” At the moment, you weren’t concerned about how crazy you looked; you needed your answer before dragging anyone else into your paranoid madness.  

Misha had so many emotions swirling in him at the moment. He went from being happy you were home from work, to worried about why you were crying, to scared he had fucked up, and now just confused with your behavior. “Sweetie, what’s going on?”

“I don’t know.” You said, wiping the tears from your eyes. “But I have to find out. Just hang tight here and I’ll find out. I’ll be back in a bit, don’t go anywhere.”

——————

You paced in the bathroom in the Walgreens just up the street from your apartment. Three minutes is an awfully long time when you’re waiting for life changing news. Your phones alarm beeped; but you were almost too scared to look.

Finally gaining the courage to answer the question that had been plaguing the back of your mind for weeks; you peered down at the little, white, plastic stick.

The tiny digital screen showed one word that changed everything for you. Pregnant.

And odd calm came over you. The question had been answered. You had a new set of things to worry about, but you had an answer. Taking a deep breath, you tried to process what to do next. The obvious first thing that came to mind was to stop taking your clearly non-functional birth control and make a doctors appointment.

Misha. You had to tell Misha. This could be a dealbreaker for him and as much as it scared you to tell him, you couldn’t hide this; that simply wouldn’t be fair.  

The walk back to your apartment seemed to take twice as long as it took to get to the store. In the short time, you played every scenario in your mind; ranging from him flat out leaving you to being ecstatic. Hopefully his reaction was the latter.

He was waiting for you outside; worry written all over his face. “Please tell me what’s going on.”

You hugged him tightly, praying that tonight didn’t end poorly. “Let’s go upstairs.”

——————

“I love you, Misha.” Your hands were clamped tight on his to keep them from shaking. “You’ve done so much for me and I can never thank you enough.”

Misha tried to maintain eye contact with you, but looked down and your hands when nerves took over. “Why does this sound like the ‘I love you but I’m not in love with you’ speech?”

“What?” Your eyes were wide with shock for a moment until you smiled reassuringly. “Misha, no. I am in love with you; completely. I’m sorry I made you worry, but that’s not what’s going on here.” Your smile faded as your own insecurities took hold. “Not unless you decide to walk away tonight. I won’t blame…”

It was Mishas turn to reassure you. “I’m not ever walking away from you. What could be so bad that you’d think that?”

It’s now or never. “I don’t know a better way to tell you this without being blunt. Misha, I’m pregnant. So if you don’t want to deal with that, I get it. It’s ok.”

“Pregnant.” Misha said calmly, trying to process the information.

You couldn’t bring yourself to look him in the eyes in case they were filled with disgust like you were bracing yourself for. The shuffling sound of him standing up from his chair pulled your attention away from your hands.

“I’m sorry.” You said, barely above a whisper. “This just complicates things more.”

He tried to respond, but couldn’t seem to find his voice through the emotion welling inside of him. Instead, he positioned himself on his knees, between your legs, and gently laid his head against your belly. His arms wrapped around your waist as he held you tightly; waiting until he could speak again.

After a moment, he was able to compose himself enough to look up at you again. The tears had caused his eyes to redden and get puffy, which only made his brilliant blue irises shine brighter. “Y/N, I love you and I hope you know there’s absolutely no fucking way you’re ever getting rid of me now.”

Relief washed over you at his overwhelmingly happy reaction. Internally chiding yourself, you remembered that he wasn’t Paul. He was the complete opposite and he loved you. Cupping his face in your hands, you encouraged him to sit up and kiss you.

Hidden inside your mind, behind the elation of starting a family with Misha, was one nagging question. What if the baby was Paul’s?”

————–

“Dmitri Tippens Krushnic! You sick son-of-a-bitch! You are dead! You hear me? DEAD!!“ your voice echoed across the asphalt between trailers.

You stormed into Misha’s trailer where he was casually lounging sitting on his couch, arms behind his head with the biggest, self satisfied grin plastered on his face. “Ah-ha, Ma Chérie,” he giggled in an obnoxious French accent. “What’s up?”

“What’s up?! What the fuck is this, Misha?!” you shouted as you gestured to the ridiculously short French maid outfit you were wearing. “Where the hell are my clothes?!”

With mock surprise he covered his mouth and gasped, “Those aren’t yours?!” He stood up and stepped behind you and lifted the back of your skirt to peek underneath letting out an obnoxious mock French laugh.

You swatted his hand away and tried not to smile, “What if someone saw me? You didn’t even leave me any underwear!” you spoke in a hushed whisper, even though no one outside the trailer could hear you.

He simply smiled while moving to kneel in front of you having you lean back against the wall. Seeing him look up at you like you were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen started to melt your anger away. He placed a kiss on your knee and trailed his lips upward. Lifting your skirt, exposing the bare flesh between your legs, he smiled up at you again. “Happy Anniversary, Baby.” He kissed up your inner thigh until he was almost where you desperately needed him. “Mmmm, baby, I lo…”

BEEP BEEP BEEP

The sound of your alarm jerked out out of your sleep. “Fuck!” you yelled out as you rubbed your eyes. Now you were desperately turned on, lonely, and missing the last person you wanted to see. You closed your eyes and let yourself remember the rest of that day. You had great sex in his trailer, he made you dinner while you made dessert, and you fell asleep with your head in his lap while he read you some of his favorite poetry. It wasn’t a glamorous first anniversary, but it was perfect. You opened your eyes again once you realized your pillow was now soaked in the tears that were gently streaming down the sides of your face. Sniffling, you uttered a final “Fuck” before wiping your face and getting out of bed.

The day passed like the last 4 had. You weren’t due back for filming until the end of the month, so you spent your days wallowing in self pity. Today though, you had the addition of a nagging feeling that got worse the more you ignored it. You knew exactly why you had that dream last night, but you really didn’t want to think about it.

4 years. Today would have been your 4th anniversary with Misha. You stopped looking at your phone because even seeing the date in the screen would upset you. It became too much and you couldn’t handle it anymore. So you decided to go back to bed before the sun dropped below the horizon.

—————

You woke up suddenly to the sound of something hitting your bedroom window and music playing outside. You grumbled as you walked over to the window to see Misha standing on your lawn with an old boom box that was playing ‘In Your Eyes’ by Peter Gabriel.

After opening the window, you yelled down to him, “Mish, what the hell are you doing? It’s late, someone’s gonna call the cops!” You were able to lower your voice when he stopped the music. “Come on, man. Are you really going all ‘Say Anything’ on me?”

He shrugged, “That depends. Is it working?” There he goes again; you want to be so angry with him but you still have to hold back a smile. He was too dorky and adorable for his own good.

You were going to remain strong tonight though. “Misha, I know you’re scheduled to shoot tomorrow. It’s late, go home.” Then you closed your window and crawled back into bed, knowing sleep would not be coming tonight.

About 30 minutes passed and you were still a mess. Seeing Misha was hard enough because of his Cusack move on your lawn. But being that he did it on the date of your anniversary made it so much worse. You had assumed he didn’t even remember what day it was, which actually upset you more. You were torn from your thoughts by an odd noise coming from downstairs.

“Well, if I get murdered in my house tonight at least I won’t have to deal with all this bullshit anymore!” you joked to yourself. You knew houses made noises on occasion, so you weren’t really that concerned. That is until you remembered that you forgot to set your security alarm before going to bed and the odd noises started sounding like footsteps acceding the stairs.

You stood in the dark by your bed playing every violent home invasion scenario you’d seen on TV. When your bedroom door started to creak open you screamed and threw the closest thing you could grab towards the intruder; your bedside lamp. You had terrible aim as it crashed against the wall, nowhere near the door or your soon-to-be murderer.

“Jesus, Y/N! A lamp? Really? I’m lucky your aim is awful.” an all too familiar voice called out in the dark before flipping on the main light.

You winced at the sudden light as you yelled, “Are you kidding me, Misha?! Your broke into my fucking house?! I could have called the cops or tried to stab you or something.” You huffed and rolled you eyes, “How’d you get in anyways? You left your key behind when we broke up.”

He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, unsure if he really wanted to admit how he got in. “Yeah, uh, you have a window downstairs that doesn’t lock right. You should really get…”

You cut him off by snapping at him, “Get it fixed?! Yeah, the same window I had asked you to fix a year and a half ago that you never got around to doing? That window?!” That may or may not have been a bit of a sore subject for you. Misha was great, but he was scatterbrained as hell.

He winced when he remembered how many times you had asked him to fix it. He had intended on getting to it several times, but his busy schedule often caused it to slip his mind. “Sorry. Yeah, I… uh.. I can… No, I will fix it for you this week. I promise.”

Your eyes rolled so hard it almost hurt, “Whatever, Misha. It’s late, you’ve got to shoot tomorrow… oh right, and a fucking fiancée to get home too!” You were so caught up about the window and the fear of getting murdered that you almost forgot about Vicky. “Please, just, leave me alone.” The words came out more sad than angry. You were too emotionally exhausted to stay angry apparently.

He grabbed you gently by your shoulders to pull you into a tight hug before explaining himself. “Sweetheart, I don’t have a fiancée. Vicky needed help planning a wedding. We broke up months ago. I’m sorry. I tried to call and tell you, but you shut me out again.”

You stood still for a moment, unsure on how to proceed due to the shock and embarrassment washing over you. When you were finally able to speak, all you could utter was a quiet “What?”

You expected him to gently lecture you about how you never gave him a chance to explain, how you just blocked him out again, or how awful it made him feel that you had such distrust for him. He didn’t. He gently cupped the sides of your face, with his long fingers moving back to tangle in your hair. Before you even had a chance to appreciate the physical touch, his lips were in yours.

Initially letting out a squeak from the sudden movement, you quickly sank into the kiss. Without separating your lips, Misha whispered, “I love you.” He pulled back to stare into your eyes before continuing. “So fucking much. I’m not doing this anymore, ok? I love you, you love me. That’s it, that’s all that matters. If you try to push me away, I’ll just hold on tighter. I will handcuff you to the bed if that’s what it takes to keep you from leaving. You’re mine and I’m yours. Forever, get it?”

You were filled with so many emotions. He was so demanding and passionate and… hot! But he was also so loving and forgiving. You stood there with your lips parted and eyes wide, not able to respond. He quickly returned to his goofy adorable self by responding your you in an exaggerated, high pitched voice, “Oh Misha! I love you too! Let’s get married and have thousands of babies!” Returning to his normal voice, he responded to himself, “Well, Y/N, if you insist. But maybe not thousands.”

He continued this mock conversation with himself for another 5 minutes. You were laughing so hard you had tears running down your face. You finally decided to stop him when he started pretending to make-out with himself while humming back and forth between high and low pitches. “Ok, stop! Now you’re getting weird….er.”

“Thank God you stopped me! I almost got to 3rd base!” he said with a laugh as he wrapped his arms around your waist again. He pressed his forehead to yours and his expression became serious again. “I mean it. I love you and I’m not going to let anyone separate us again, even you.” He furrowed his brow in concern before stating, “Ok, that was a little more creepy than intended.”

“Is that any creepier than you telling me you’re going to chain me to the bed?” you asked with a wink while wrapping your arms around his neck. “You’re such a dork….but, I guess, you’re my dork.”

“I could chain you to the bed, you know; if that’s what you’re into,” he said with a cheeky grin. Bringing his mouth right next to your ear with his voice suddenly dropping to a low, seductive tone, “Arms above your head, unable to fight against me. Just have to lay there, taking everything I have to give you.” He began placing open mouthed kisses under your ear and down your neck and he backed you towards the bed.

“Fuck…Misha..” came out in a breathy moan. You had missed him and his touch so much over the last year. The night you spent together after the convention only left you wanting more. Part of you felt like you should take this slow, the other part wanted him to be inside you and never leave.

He must have picked up on your slight hesitation when he stopped all movement, “Is this ok? We.. uh… can take this slow if we need to. I don’t want to rush you.”

You laughed at his sudden change in demeanor “Baby, I would have stopped you if I didn’t want this. Now, who am I getting tonight: sweet Misha or this new, dominating Misha?” you asked with a cocked eyebrow.

“How about somewhere in the middle? Tonight should probably be more romantic, shouldn’t it?” he asked back with a smile. He kissed you lightly on the lips before continuing, “Happy Anniversary, sweetheart.”

You wanted to cry, you wanted to laugh, you wanted to fuck him so hard neither of you could walk tomorrow. “Happy Anniversary, Misha.” was all you could say before you pulled him into a passionate kiss as you both dropped to the bed.

His hands roam your body with his lips on yours again was a feeling you could never get tired of. That is, until a sudden realization hit you causing you to push him away from you. “Misha, stop. Wait.”

He looked down at you, his face full of confusion, worry, and a hint of annoyance, “Y/N, you’re kind of giving me mixed signals here. What’s wrong, sweetheart. If we’re moving too fast…”

“No, no. That’s not it.” you said quickly, cutting him off. “I just… I’ve been mopey all week. You know how I get when I’m like that.” He continued to look confused, not understanding the problem. “Babe, I haven’t showered in forever! I’m gross. I don’t even remember if I brushed me teeth today! My mouth must taste awful!”

He leaned down to kiss you again briefly and smiled. “You and your flawed logic. First, you’d never be gross to me. Second, don’t you remember when I dragged you camping with me. We didn’t really bathe the whole week and we fucked like rabbits.” He leaned down to kiss you again, deeper this time before pulling back to look at you again. “You’re mouth tastes fine. Mmm, garlicky”

“Shut up! I didn’t even eat garlic today! ” you yelled while slapping his chest. You were still self conscious, but laughed at his attempt to make you feel better.

“Fine, I guess we’re moving this to the shower then.” he said while pulling you up and dragging you to your bathroom.

You relaxed under the almost-too-hot spray of your shower. Misha had his arms wound tight around your waist while peppering your neck with light kisses. “Mmm, as good as that feels Mish, I’ve gotta get clean before the hot water runs out.” you warned.

“Fine.” he pouted. “But I’m helping!” He grabbed your shampoo and began massaging it into your scalp earning a relaxed moan from you. He let you rinse and repeated the actions with conditioner. Lowering down to your ear, he spoke gruffly, “Now the fun part.” Standing a full hight again, he cocked his head and smiled. “Well, no THE fun part. But A fun part.”

You chuckled and responded in a relaxed tone, “Mmhm. Whatever weirdo.”

He ran the soapy wash cloth over your back and shoulders and laughed, “Have you met me? Hi, I’m Misha, licensed weirdo.”

You were about to give a sarcastic comeback until he reached around to “clean” your breasts. He always seemed to more time than necessary “cleaning” there. He lightly squeezed them and placed lingering kisses on your neck. You could only let out a small moan in response making him smile against your skin.

Slowly, he moved his hands and the wash cloth down your stomach. You instinctively reached your hand up to thread your fingers through his hair and turned to kiss him. It only took a second for the kiss to turn into a heated, passionate make-out session. Your tongues fighting each other for dominance. He finally broke the kiss and cocked his eyebrow at you, “I thought you wanted to get clean. You’re very distracting.”

Grabbing the hand holding the wash cloth, you brought it down between your legs. “You better get on with it then.”

He rubbed the cloth between your legs for a second before his turned you to face away from him again and dropped the cloth. He brought his soapy fingers back down to slide through your folds, keeping the pressure just hard enough to get you worked up. His free hand moved to roll a nipple in his fingers while he pressed open mouthed kisses to your neck.

You could only moan and lean your head back on his shoulder and grip his hair again. Your moans got louder as he slipped a finger inside you and continued light strokes on your clit with his thumb. “Fuck, baby, you’ve got no idea what those noises do to me.” He smiled as you pressed your ass against his erection. “Or maybe you do.”

He added a second finger and curled them; rubbing the pads of his fingers against your g-spot. You yelled out his name as your legs began to tremble. “Misha, fuck, I’m close.” was all you could gasp out.

He could feel you clench around his fingers. “Ok, baby. Come for me, come on my fingers. Let me hear you, don’t hold back.” he growled into your ear, knowing how much you loved it when told you to come for him.

You were lucky that Misha was strong enough to hold you up or else you would have collapsed. Your orgasm hit you hard; letting only a small, strangled groan come out. Misha pulled his fingers from you slowly and ran his fingers soothingly over your sex.

“Baby,” he whined, “I said I wanted to hear you. You barely made a sound. Can you stand yet?”

“Yes. I think so.” you panted out. It took you a second to catch your breath and regain your footing.

“Ok, come here, baby.” He leaned back against the wall and pulled your back to his chest. He lifted your leg and placed your foot on the ledge you use for shaving. “Brace yourself baby, gotta make this one count.” he said darkly as he lined himself up with your entrance and slamming you down on him.

You cried out, loudly, at the sudden fullness. “There she is…. Theres my girl…. Let me hear you, baby.” He grunted out the words between each hard thrust.

He felt himself fast approaching his edge and needed to get you there with him. He slowed his movements to try compose himself. He grinned and grabbed your handheld shower head. “Hmmm, what’s this. It’s got a pulse setting. You ever use this on yourself, babygirl?” he asked playfully.

Of course you had used it before; you had been painfully single for the last year. You wanted to bring your thoughts to his attention; but you were cut off when he brought the spray directly to your sex. The feeling of the pulse setting alone is intense enough on its own. Add in the feeling of his free arm wrapped around your waist, his lips on your neck, and his cock pounding into you; that was enough to send you careening towards your own orgasm.

This time, you came screaming, much to Mishas delight. He followed you with a shout of his own. You both just stood there for a moment to catch your breaths as the handheld shower head was left dangling and momentarily forgotten.

Misha came back to reality faster than you. He slowly slipped out of you and used the rapidly cooling wanted to rinse you both off. He turned off the water and helped you out of the shower before scooping you up, bridal style, and carried you back to your bed.

“Ew, my pillows going to be a wet.” you whined sleepily.

Pulling the blankets up over your cooling bodies, he chuckled at your complaint. “You were the one who insisted on the shower. That’s on you.”

“You were the one that fucked me into a such boneless state that I couldn’t dry myself off properly.” you yawned out. Even with your wet hair, you managed to get comfortable snuggled in close to Misha. “I guess I can complain too much about that though.”

He chuckled and pulled you in tighter. “You’re welcome for that.” He kissed your wet hair and smiled at the situation. A little over a year ago, his world all but fell apart. Now, he had you back and he was never letting go. “I meant what I said earlier. I’m never walking away from this, from you, ever again. And I’m not going to let you either. Happy Anniversary, Y/N, I love you.”

You would have cried if you weren’t so tired. You felt the same way he did. You were never letting go either. The last year had been hard and you’d need to talk to him about it at some point. But, not right now. Right now was all you could ever wish for. Of all the things you could say to him in that moment, the only thing you could muster was a sleepy “I love you too, Misha.”

—————

Your relationship with Misha started out as co-stars and friends; then slowly bloomed into something more. You were completely, pathetically in love with him from day one, but tried to play it cool. He eventually asked you out and you both felt instant sparks when you shared your first kiss that night.

Misha was a flirt. It was simply part of his personality, but you couldn’t help but get jealous from time to time. You decided to turn the tables and give him a taste of his own medicine. You had no idea at the time how jealous Misha could get, and more so, how hot it was. He was usually a gentle, giving lover, unless you wanted to bring out his jealous, dominant side.

Gentle Misha was all praise and proving that you had nothing to be jealous of by showing you how much he loved you. He would kiss you in all the right places, drawing out your pleasure for as long as possible. He would rock in and out of you slowly, caressing your hair and repeating that he loved you over and over. Slow and gentle would escalate into heated passion as he would tell you how beautiful you look and beg you to come for him. These were the nights he wanted to finish with you at the same time. It felt so much more intimate and intense; it was just another way for him to feel the love you had for each other.

Jealous Misha was rough, possessive, and full of lust. He wouldn’t even bother removing all your clothes half the time and would fuck you hard and fast. As you’d approach your climax, he’d make you beg for it. “Do you really deserve it, babygirl? Huh?! Do. You!?” The last 3 words accentuated by hard thrusts. He’d finally make you come after confirming that you were his and only his; following you over the edge grunting out “Yes! Mine!” Afterwards, he’d always make sure you were ok and that he wasn’t too rough followed by those 3 little words he told you every night before you fell asleep in his arms. “I love you.”

You two went back and forth with this game for a while, constantly upping your game. It was fun and kept things interesting, but you couldn’t help that little voice in your head from telling you that it wasn’t a game for him. Every female he interacted with seemed to be more attractive than the last and soon your fun jealousy turned into full-on insecurity. Had Misha known it was actually starting to bother you, he would have dialed it back; but you kept quiet. “I started this little game,” you thought to yourself. “I’m only going to look stupid if I’m suddenly bothered by it. I’m just being silly. He loves me… right?”

It came to a head when his high school sweetheart, Vicki, came back into his life. She was smart, funny, beautiful, and just so happened to be Misha’s first love. Misha acted like his usual flirty self towards her, but you saw it as something deeper. You began seeing meaning behind every laugh, touch, and gesture which drove you crazy; but not the fun sexy kind of crazy, the insecure and paranoid kind of crazy. Misha and Vicky began spending a lot of time together working on a charity project. He was always so passionate about his charitable endeavors and would talk about them constantly. Currently, this also meant he was talking about Vicki and her contributions a lot as well. To your eyes, he was talking to her all day everyday; even though it was a text or call here and there. Once they started working late at her office you became so blinded by your insecurities that you started to question his loyalty to you.

“Of course he’s cheating! Why wouldn’t he be fucking her?! She’s practically perfect for him!” you sobbed on the phone with your best friend. “It’s only a matter of time before he leaves me.” That is when things started to fall apart. You were so caught up with thinking he wanted someone else that you couldn’t see that you were pushing him away.

He didn’t understand why you slept facing away from him at night instead of cuddling close like you used to, why you stopped playing your game of jealousy tag, or why you didn’t seem to even want to look him in the eyes anymore. You were either listless or irritated when he was around. Every sound his phone made would put you into a worse and worse mood. He’d ask you what was wrong, you’d lie and say you were just tired. He’d make his usual cheesy jokes to cheer you up just for you to barely react. He’d try to initiate physical contact with you and you’d accuse him of only caring about sex. He loved you, but he could only take so much. He didn’t know what he had done, but you clearly no longer loved him. He couldn’t stay in a relationship with someone that didn’t feel for him the way he felt for them. To him, it seemed the longer he stayed to more unhappy you got.

“Sweetheart, I love you, but I can’t fucking do this anymore. I’m not sure what happened, but you’re not happy and neither am I. I think you know what we need to do.” He was trying to be as diplomatic as possible, even though he felt like he would shatter at any moment. You couldn’t even look at him. Maybe if you did, you would have seen in his eyes how much he loved you and how much it was killing him to leave you. 

But you didn’t. You were too angry. All you could say was “Just go.”

—————

That was about a year ago. You still saw him time to time on set, but luckily your characters did not interact much which meant you could avoid having to talk to him. About six months after your breakup, he started dating Vicky. He was trying to force himself to move on, while you saw this as proof that he had been with her all along. You tried to move on as well, but still weren’t ready for another relationship. You threw yourself into your acting and song writing. “When You Go” had been the favorite thing you had ever written and getting the chance to perform it live was bittersweet. Misha had always loved listening to you sing and helped motivate you into writing your own music. A small part of you wanted him there to see you perform, to be proud of what you had accomplished. Part of you wanted to rub it in his face and prove that you didn’t need him; even if the song itself was about him. You weren’t ready for any of that, you were mostly glad that you could perform this song without confessing your pain to him.

“Alright Y/N, you’re up,” Jensen told you while patting you on the shoulder. 

You took a deep breath and walked out on stage. “Folks, we’ve got something extra special for you tonight! Y/N here is gonna perform one of her original songs for the first time ever!” Rob excitedly told the crowd. “Have at it, Y/N.” 

You stared out and were relieved that the lights were too bright to show how many people were anxiously waiting for you. “This is called ‘When You Go’ and it means a lot to me. Go easy on me, okay?” The crowd cheered and died down as you begin to play the solemn opening riff.

——-(Song lyrics)——- Only a moment ago we had nothing but time Everything lasted forever and you were all mine Only a dream I know Thinking you’d never go Tearing off pieces of myself Just for the time it buys me

Fold my heart up small Or break it into pieces Find somewhere and keep it there Take it when you go

There in the frame of your face, in the cast of your eyes I saw this coming but still I am caught by surprise All of this time I knew That I’d be losing you That doesn’t mean that it’s OK That doesn’t mean I’m ready

Fold my heart up small Or break it into pieces Find somewhere and keep it there Take it when you go

Some things you always remember, some things you forget No way to make it up now, no room for regret That’s no good for anyone And so I come undone Now I am less than what I was Whatever’s left is yours now

So fold my heart up small Or break it into pieces Find somewhere and keep it there Take it when you go

—————

You couldn’t believe how cathartic it was to perform that song. You finally felt like you had some semblance of closure to the situation and maybe you could move on. The cheers from the crowd and congratulations from the band only heightened the experience. You bowed and thanked everyone before stepping off stage and heading toward the back when you heard someone behind you say “Y/N, that was beautiful.”

''This is truly amazing!''  you exclaimed as soon as you perceive the waterfalls that were hiding behind a curtain of dense foliage. ''Jess!'' You look back to see that your friend is way behind you, out of breath.

''I... On.. my... way, Y/N.''

You were astonished by the beauty that was in front of you. As you waited for Jess to catch up, you take a deep and long breath, inhaling the pureness that surrounded you and ignoring the loud laughs and cry of people having a good time by jumping in the water.

'''Breathtaking''

You heard a masculine voice that you did not expect, coming from behind you. Your body must have recognized the voice, because your heart fluttered right before you peered above your shoulder to examine to whom it belongs. Misha was standing not too far behind you and you expected him to gaze at the view but his eyes were locked on you. You felt the heat coloring your cheeks in no time as the thought that he was complimenting you, rather than the sight of the waterfalls crossed your mind.

''What?'' you faintly mumble as you look at him. His eyes finally tear away from you to peer far off behind you. ''The view. Isn't it breathtaking?''  he claims while stepping closer to stand by your side.

''It's beyond beautiful'' you looked once again at the waterfalls. ''Aren't you supposed to stay with your people, Gishwishes' Master chief?'' you joke while trying your best to resist the temptation of checking him out, once again. During the entire bus ride over here, you couldn't stop glancing at him, his sunglasses and his hiatus beard were just making him even more ridiculously hot.

Misha laughs and you could feel the side of your face burning as his eyes lingered on you. ''They seem to have fun without me'' you hear a couple people screaming as they jump down into the waterpool ''... and hey, you're kinda a part of ''my people'' now. Like it or not!'' he playfully nudges you with his elbow earning a giggle from you.

''Y'know Misha, you don't have to feel bad for what happened, I know you invited us because you felt a certain way about it but it really wasn't your fault that guy almost assaulted me....'' You finally dare to look at him but he was staring at you with a weird expression, which kinda reminds you of Castiel when he's confused.  '' What? Why you lookin at me like that?''  you laugh nervously as you try to read what he had in mind.

''You're interesting... that's all.. I like that.'' he gently smiles at you as he tries to reassure you. You couldn't actually believe how blue his eyes were as he gazes into yours and for a moment there, you wish you could learn to actually know him better. Knowing the person behind the actor and the social activist he is.'' By the way,''  he shakes his head as he suddenly remembered something important. ''That guy, whose name is Michael, woke up with the worst hangover and he decided not to come this morning. I went to his room and had a talk with him, he's very ashamed with himself and he would like to apologize to you, if you want to, of course.''

''Y/N/N!! I made... I made it!!!''

You both turned around as you heard Jess's breathless cry of victory not far behind. You realize how close Misha and you were standing next to each other as you slightly bumped into him while waving to your friend.  You peer back and laugh at Misha who's lively congratulating Jess with hand claps as she was bend down to catch her breath.

''Y'know, I normally wouldn't want him to ever approach me again, but l'll allow it for you, Misha.'' you chuckle as he brought a hand to his chest as if he were truly relieved.

-You are the greatest, Y/N. And now....'' he looks between Jess who just arrived and you, ''Last in the water is ''

Both Misha and you started running at full speed like children towards the water as Jess who has just recovered from the hike raises her hands in defeat.

''Not fair, guys!!''

''So... what do we think of Misha? Should I bet on that horse on the upcoming ''who's the next that'll get into Y/N's pants race?''  Jess says as she's blown away with laughter by her own joke.

''Why are you so obsessed with me getting laid!? Creep!'' you playfully retort to your friend as you're both preparing to sleep, lying down in your beds.

''Hey, I just want you to live your life at the fullest, Y/N/N!'' She laughs before continuing : ''Seriously though... You spent the entire afternoon by his side....''

''Yeah, we really got along well. He's really nice and all...''  You heard the springs of Jess's mattress as she turned around to face you, even though the room was pitch dark. ''Oh my god Y/N.'' she spits. ''Why do I feel like there's a ''but'' coming?''

You let out a loud sigh filled with exasperation. ''Jess. We're talking about Misha Collins. Nothing is happening or will happen between us. We spent an amazing day, I'm glad that we met him, but that's all. End of conversation!''

''You can't be serious... Where's the Y/N/N I met 5 years ago? The bold and adventurous girl that couldn’t be stopped! I swear that girl would've told me : ''Challenge accepted'' with her best impression of Barney Stinson and damn, she would've flirt with this man and get him under her grip, celebrity or not!''  

You sigh once again but this time the irritation was replaced by nostalgia. Jess was right. You used to be a strong-headed woman before, nothing would phase you. After spending 3 years with your ex, who did not really take care of you like he should've you kinda lost yourself. He was treating you next to nothing to finally, cheat on you. Let's say your self-confidence took the shot and tumbled way down the ladder ever since.

Without adding anything, you turned around in your bed silently ending the conversation.

''Good night, Jess.''

You haven't sleep much last night, redundantly shifting in your bed from one side to the other as you thought about what Jess previously said. You really needed to shut off all those voices in your head and take back on you, take back who you were.

You slowly get up from bed, glancing to the bed next to yours where the loud snores are coming from, signaling Jess was still fast asleep. You notice that the sun wasn't even fully up yet when you peered through the patio door and a sudden idea came to your mind. Why not go for a run? You used to go run almost every morning and if you want to get your old self back you should start by taking charge of yourself and go back to your past routine. So you dressed yourself properly ; a pair of sport leggings, a comfy sport bra and you put on your favorite (your favorite music band) cap.

The beach is resplendent and since it's so early in the morning its empty, you feel like you're on a desert island. You breathe in the fresh salted air coming from the ocean and listen to the sound of the waves hitting the shore. What a nice way to begin the day.

It was pretty hard to run on the sand but you didn't give a damn. You struggled for the first 10 minutes of the run but when you caught your second breath, it felt easier right away. You had your favorite Spotify playlist playing in your ears as you enjoy the decor around you. You couldn't ask for a better therapy, it truly was the first step into the journey of getting your old-self back and you were glad to have taken that decision.

You decide to start running back to your resort after 15 minutes of running. You would've continued to explore the area if it wasn't for your legs that were about to crumble under you. You met a couple of early birds on your way back, which like you decided to go for a run on the beach and enjoy the sun rise. The sight was so astounding and with the music playing in your ears, you couldn't help but letting the flow of your mind wander in fantasies, until a rude runner in a black hoodie almost hit your side as he runs past you.

What the hell?

You speed up while glaring at the runner before you. What an impolite jerk. Nope, you would have none of it and you'll show him. Your strong legs propelled yourself forward until you reached his side, your lips were already curled up into a patronizing grin when you got past him. You were proud with yourself for a good two seconds before realizing he was actually speeding up to overtake you. You glance to your side ready to curse him out but your jaw dropped when you met a pair of ocean blue eyes.

Misha was proudly grinning at you he was barely distinguishable under his black hood when on the other hand he should had recognized you from behind and planned to tease you from the beginning. You squint your eyes at him and speed up a bit, silently challenging him into a race. You struggle to take the lead when he decided to hasten himself, you were side by side, each of you took the lead for a quick instant, peering into each other eyes out of defiance when you had the chance to. After a couple meters, you finally gave up decreasing your speed slowly until you completely stopped, out of breath.

''Already?'' Misha sarcastically jokes as he jogged to meet you. ''What happened? You almost got me!''

'' I ... haven't .... run.... since .... well.... for a while.''  you managed to answer him while catching your breath, crouching on the sand with your arms leaning against your knees. He bent down to be at your height and he searched for your eyes.

''Hey, I haven't run in a while too...'' you finally gaze into his eyes and Misha was fully teasing you in a friendly way, his eyes reflecting the deep pleasure he was having to poke fun at you. ''Ready for round two yet?'' he chuckles. You bobbed down your head in annoyance and you notice the waves would come and reach far on the shore where you both were standing.

''Not...just.. YET!!''  you splashed Misha unexpectedly, as soon as another wave hit the shore with both of your hands and burst of laughing. His hood and face were completely drenched.

''Oh. No. You. Did. Not.'' he mumbles through his hand as he was wiping the water off his face.

You were already hiding behind your hands waiting for him to get back at you but you loudly gasped when you no longer felt your feet touched the ground. Misha had you by your waist and shoved you upon his shoulder as he walked towards the ocean.

''Put me down! Put me down!! Misha!!!''  You couldn't stop giggling as you tried to fight from his grip.

''Oh you wanna go down? My bad. Sorry, Y/N.''  he says as the water hits his legs, slightly wetting your feet. '' No.''  you instantly knew what he was planning to do. ''No.no.no.no.no Misha. Misha. Don't. Don't.'' you try to sound tough as you warned him from what he was about to do.

Once Misha felt the water was deep enough, he dumped you from his shoulder right into the cool water. You fell head first in the water.

''Is the water any good, Y/N/N?'' Misha playfully asks as you got out of the water with a gasp, the ocean was cold as hell in the morning. You hear him laughing as you pushed away the damp hair from your figure to glare at him.

''Oh, I don't know if the water's good, Mish....'' you groaned as he was bent over laughing ''Why.....''don't you try it yourself?'''  you swiftly jumped on him as you try your best to overbalance him. You tried to let him fall alone but his arms were securely attached to your sides.

Misha fell backwards but didn't let go of his hold on you and brought you with him under the water. Once the two of you got your head out from it you both started to laugh like children until your eyes met his. The laughs slowly died as you both stare into each other eyes, he held you pressed against his chest, so close that you can feel his breath caress the dripping skin of your face. The tension grew higher and higher and even though the water was fresh, you felt your body temperature skyrocket until he finally unhooked his arms from you. You instantly moved back a bit, trying to calm the storm of relentless butterflies that was happening in your stomach.

''Wanna join me for breakfast?''

His crooked grin gave you the soft knees but thank God you were in the water. You didn't know if you were able to pronounce a coherent answer after being so overwhelmed you just nodded while flashing him a smile.

''Alright then,'' he stood up and got out of the water and reach out his hand for you to take it.