#mirseleiris

It’d started as a visit to the Naras tribe, to introduce Dahlia to her family, estranged as they had all been for the last decade. Hali had planned to propose to her that night, after it was all said and done. That wasn’t quite the result, as it seemed to happen so often for the two.

Encountering a pair of forest witches who had a distinctive interest in Dahlia’s condition, and even confessing to having been connected with it in the first place, they began to assault the couple in an attempt to bring Mirseleiris out, breaking the ward stone that held the creature in check and kept Dahlia safe. Though Hali fought them with all of her strength, she was outnumbered, especially when Mirseleiris took over. With a call for aid, not only did Fiona arrive, but so, too, did the Outriders.

The witches fled, attempting to take Auguste’s staff - once belonging to the old Amdapori white mage with whose rituals Hali had managed to interfere, binding the staff to her own anima and winding up with the soul of the man bound to her - though they were unsuccessful in getting too far before Hali’s aether was torn from her.

When she’d recovered the staff, she had just enough strength left between having had a chunk bitten from her neck, been impaled by shadowy limbs, and beaten down already, that, with the Outriders restraining Mirseleiris, she sealed it within Dahlia once more... but not before a beacon-like spell was cast and one last taunt cackled. Then, Hali fell. She remembered nothing else but blackness and the dreams within them that faded when she woke, weak, tired, and feeling so horribly drained...

She learned quickly that she’d been out for moons. Her family doted over her, keeping her alive as best they could through magic and medicine, until she had finally healed, her body a mess of horrid scars and withered, unused limbs. She looked like a zombie, but the moment she put her linkpearl ring back on her horn, she was stricken with fear.

Dahlia had left the Outriders’ house in pursuit of her twin sister, Vivian. When the Cult of the Hierophant couldn’t breach the defences of the house in which Dahlia, like Hali, had laid unwaking, they instead took Vivian as bait the moment Dahlia woke, drawing the weakened witch out of hiding. When they struck, they struck fast, and she was taken away to their ritual site on the edge of Dravania. 

By the time Hali arrived, it had been far too late...

Silent footfalls brought the shinobi closer and closer through the darkened wintry woods toward the site from which the call for help originated. It was a trap. She knew in her head that it was. It couldn’t be anything else, but there was no other way. No time to rally the Outriders, no time to explain to anyone. As it was... she knew she was too late already. She knew what she’d find.

No, the Raen thought as she ran, her Huton carrying her silently as her footfalls would have otherwise crunched down in fulm-thick snow, No, I won’t let anything stop me or slow me down. If there’s even a chance, I can’t convince myself I’m too late. I can’t be. I can’t be.

The thoughts were colder comfort than the biting wind against her face, masked though it was. Jet black robes fluttered behind her, gloves tightening around the staff that was so bound to her. Her glasses threatened to fog beneath her mask but kept from doing so entirely, likely helped by the soft white glow to her eyes that had come from practising white magic - holy arts - without a proper soul crystal. She knew it was affecting her, but she didn’t know how, nor did she care anymore. This was do or die - the final curtain.

When they approached the ritual site, it was obvious: the trap had been laid out, and the cult was ready. Hali - and Auguste through her - could feel the horrible void energy in the very air. The world heaved and threatened to pull her under, but she continued, even as her very being fought against her.

They had prepared for that. They knew she’s press on, and they took advantage of that. The moment she drew near, even cloaked as she was, she was beset by cultists. Ten... twenty... thirty. She snarled. Everything was becoming a blur, and she couldn’t even remember getting to that point.

Just hold on... August prompted, You’ve faced worse odds than this, have you not? Come, now, show me how you handle things like this.

“...shut up, old man,” the Raen sneered, twirling the staff into one hand and letting loose a burst of holy aether that cleared the air at least enough for her to fight. With another flick of her wrist, a blade of white light, like that of a scythe, extended from the head, and she snarled at the cultists surrounding her.

In moments, they were upon her, and cut down like so much fodder. It was nothing new to her. Killing thrilled her, normally. This time, however, there was nothing but anger and desperation.

“Let... me... through!” she roared, cutting down two more as they threatened to pile atop her, kept at bay by the gales of harsh winds she repeatedly summoned with her enhanced conjury, thanks to Auguste. She was met with inhuman silence. Not a snicker, not a whimper.

Another wave of them came, and then another, and then another. She’d begun to grow tired... and then, slowly, overwhelmed. Blows began to land, dagger strikes that lanced pain through her body - poison, she realised, and likely paralysis poison so she could watch her defeat at the prideful voidsent’s hands - and soon, she faltered and fell, lacking the strength to go on. Her body wouldn’t respond. She couldn’t even speak.

The next moments were spent begin carried bodily to the site, out of her sanctified area, and back into the miasma of void magic. She could do nothing for the nausea and her eyes rolled back. She couldn’t even heave. When she was strapped down to a ritual table, she finally saw her: Dahlia... or what was Dahlia.

“I am so very glad you could join us, little shinobi,” the form spoke, chuckling darkly. Dahlia’s voice was wholly eclipsed by that which Mirseleiris used, her body warped in ways that made her hard to recognise, fur, horns and even a tail sprouted from her twisted form. The creature had taken her over completely. She was gone... and still, Hali couldn’t speak. The figure rolled red eyes and scoffed.

“Give her the antidote,” Mirseleris said, “I want to her when this is finished. I look forward to her screams.” Within a few moments, something was shoved into Hali’s mouth, and she was forced to drink, helpless. Slowly, bit by bit, she regained her motor functions, and began to struggle.

“Now, now,” the voidsent crooned, “Enough of that. I’d hate to kill you before I can use you. We need your aether, after all, now, don’t we.”

“...wh- what?” came the struggle of a reply.

A chuckle was all she got in response, dark and sinister, followed by a sharp pain down her arm as a dagger was brought down, slicing a gash into her. She grit her teeth, groaning in pain as blood began to run down her arm, causing her nausea to redouble. She was being bled for a ritual...

“Now, let’s finish this little game, shall we?” the voidsent crooned, stepping away from Hali and out into the clearing, “’Tis time I claimed my real prize.” With that, Hali felt a horrible sensation as a hand lifted toward her, enacting a spell to begin draining her of her aether... along with many of the cultists. A horrible dark visage began rising as those not being drained knelt and chanted feverishly - prayers, she realised - all the while Dahlia’s body began losing strength, but began to show signs of her consciousness returning as the form rose above her, still connected, but becoming its own, bit by bit. Her expression was desperate. Fear chief among all took its place as tears began to roll down her twisted, unfamiliar face.

With mere moments, it began to take shape - like Dahlia before but with monstrous, great arms covered in feathers, taloned fingers, a much more vicious-looking snake-tail that wove around, peering out from behind the main body, grotesque horns, and a wholly unfamiliar face with red eyes that bore no iris or pupil, as if lifeless. 

In that moment, the area fell into utter darkness, the only things visible were faint, red outlines. However, Hali could feel what was happening as the will of the newly-formed primal before her attempted to crush her soul, stealing her will. However, something within her - a light - beat it back, bathing the area in radiance as she heard a voice in her head, Hali! Hali! Now is your chance!

At first, she thought it might have been some powerful entity, sparing her from the tempering... as, she felt, Dahlia had been. On second glance, however, it was clear that Dahlia was still attached to the creature feeding off of her aether... even as it stopped doing so on Hali’s. Had enough, has it...? Auguste asked, Your aether is no longer being drained. It’s distracted! Now is your chance! You can break free of this, can’t you?

“C-course... I can,” the Au Ra wheezed, and with a careful motion, slipped free of one of the straps binding her. Making two quick mudra, she executed a ninjutsu to form a blade of ice in her hand, cutting herself free before she bolted for her blades and staff.

As the darkness faded, she was met with a chortle, echoing and distorted, as if from some horrible, demonic being, “She lives... but she does not bow. The Echo... So be it.”

“My lord! O boundless one!” called a familiar voice. From nearby, two cultists, having been tempered, released Vivian from the bindings with which she’d been held, the red-head grinning with an unnatural zeal, her eyes glinting red as she called out, “If she cannot be made to see your radiance, can we not convince her? Surely she must see, now, even without your blessing!”

“V- no... n-no, no...” Hali could only stammer, wide-eyed. She knew what this meant: Vivian had been tempered. The dear sister of her beloved was beyond redemption. I can’t... I can’t... Not her. She doesn’t deserve it... She doesn’t...

Hali, Auguste’s voice spoke to her in her mind, despite his inability to read it, You know what has happened. This is no life for her.

“I can’t!” she nearly howled in despair, causing Mirseleiris to chortle and Vivian to grow closer, shushing her comfortingly.

“Hali. It’s okay. It’ll be okay. We can all be together, peacefully. Isn’t that what you want? If Menphina can give herself unto her better, why do you not join us? Dahlia has already become one with him. Everything is as it should-” “No, no, no, NO SHUT UP!” she roared, pulling back before instinctively drawing back with her staff, and, producing a spear-like blade at the end, thrust it into Vivian’s chest. The girl choked, hands pressing to the wound as the weapon was drawn back again. The red began to fade as the malevolent being released her from its grasp.

“Please... F-forgive... me...” Vivian gurgled as she struggled to stay upright, “I... I-I... l-love...” She choked again, then again, and fell forward gracelessly, face impacting the frozen ground hard.

Hali’s heart stopped and her body went cold in that moment, only brought back by the shrill shriek from off to her side of, “VIVIAN!”

There was no time to react. The next thing Hali heard was a scream of utmost fury as a multitude of levin bolts raced through the air toward her, catching her and sending her body limp. All the shinobi could do was scream as she was ravaged by Dahlia’s outburst, the trauma enough to grant her momentary control of her own body, twisted and subjugated as she was.

The scene was nightmarish, cultists either lying dead or chanting prayers to their god, Dahlia screaming in fury and despair, Hali screaming in agony, and Mirseleiris laughing all the while. 

This is the end... I’m finished... she thought to herself, even with her screams of pain, I was wrong...

However, Dahlia’s strength had long since been spent and the last of her aether ran dry, causing her to fall back to the ground in a manner not unlike Vivian, leaving Hali to fall, as well, all the wrong nerves firing from the bombardment of electricity. Little by little, though, she gathered herself and began to stand.

“Y-you done?” Hali wheezed in pain, “’Cause... I think it’s... ngh, m-my... turn.”

There’s nothing else, though, Auguste protested, You can’t fight that thing like this. You realise that you’ve no choice now.

“I know...” the shinobi said, bringing the staff to bear as she began to beseech the land for aid, drawing not only on what it would give her, but herself and Auguste, as well. Holy radiance began to shine from her very being as she rose from the ground.

I don’t know what will happen, the old elezen muttered fearfully.

There was a pang of hurt in her heart. She knew this would likely be the end, but she had to try. There was no other option, now. She finally laughed, almost bitterly, but with resignation to her features as she closed her illuminated eyes and said with a smirk, “Shut up, Auguste.”

The elezen felt the tone more than heard it through Hali’s own horns, and even as a possessor - a spirit within her body, bound to her - her felt something stir. It hurt. He felt pity. Much as she had done, she had so much time ahead of her to atone. Should could have. She wanted to, and he knew. After a long pause, the old man’s voice spoke in her head one last time.

Very well. Godsspeed... Hali Naras.

"You're not finished?” the void-primal rumbled, “Ever a thorn in my side... but this time, I will be rid of you, girl..." 

As he raised a massive, clawed hand, Hali rose further from the ground, waves of holy aether washing out from around her. When her eyes next opened, she spread her arms wide, unleashing a torrent of purifying white light toward Mirseleiris. As it connected, there was an unearthly shriek of pain from the creature. It went on, ever further, even as Hali could feel her body wanting to give up. She’d long since reached her breaking point, but there was no giving up, now. It was do or die.

As the shrieking died down, there was a heavy crash of something crystallised hitting the ground. However, with it came a realisation. She was no longer moving, no longer suspended in the air... and she was losing feeling in her body. She couldn’t even move her head to look as pure white crystal began to replace her limbs, climbing up from the ground beneath her as all but pure light embraced her, searing away all and leaving nothing but a crystalline statue behind.

As the look of victorious relief gave way to a dreaded realisation, the shinobi’s last thought was only, “But... I won...?”

Hali was forced to settle upon an option which was the best she could hope for in such short notice: She had been told by a close friend - an incredibly accomplished mage by name of Naoh Tayoon - that her best bet without outright killing the girl she had come to so adore was to obtain a charged Amdapori Wardstone. However, the ruins of Amdapor were heavily-guarded and access strictly forbidden. She, herself, had one, but it was not charged, and the only person who came close to knowing could not remember.

"...charge one...” Fiona had muttered over the private line, “I- I think I remember. Just- nnnh. I remember doing it. I don't remember how."

The only other solution would be to use an Onmyouji ritual which not only required multiple practitioners, but would cut the girl off from her aether use entirely - forever - even though it would mean that she could never be possessed again. It was beyond that last thing that Hali wished to do, and the half-elezen’s response chilled her blood.

"...we should keep it in mind. Just in case."

Thus, she turned to Naoh, who instructed her on where to search in the ruins to find Wardstones. She was, after all, not only a shinobi, but one of very high aether sensitivity, which would help her not only infiltrate the ruins, but potentially locate a stone, as well. Loathe to go alone, however, she brought her former teacher - her best friend and sister in the shadows - Kaori, seeking her help to sneak in and out while keeping one another safe.

It was a fortunate thing that she had. The ruins of Amdapor were crawling with horrible creatures. Due to the way the entrances and perimeter were guarded, the two were forced to take a back route through the abandoned keep in order to access the city. 

Though it was suspected that the keep ruins might hold what they sought, it was quite the opposite. The absence of long-established Amdapori artefacts of white magic to stave off the Mhachi void magic and wild beasts that roamed the area has left the entire structure to be overrun by the void in the wake of multiple attempts by the Lambs of Dalamud - some of whose reanimated corpses they had found, already slain - to summon their god back to the star.

Hali found it funny. If Dahlia truly was Dalamud incarnate - if she was some kind of god, they were all wasting their time. She almost thought to tell the mage upon her return, but not knowing her relationship with the cult, she assumed to likely be negative.

It was rough going after they’d fought their way through the maddened flora and fauna both, both of which fought them at every turn in the overgrown keep. She had visited once before, but it had never been quite as overgrown as it was then, she’d thought. By the time they reached the passage needed to slip through catacombs and into the city, Hali had wound up sick nearly twice due to the sheer amount of corrupted aether in some areas. Guarding the passage, they had even encountered a powerful voidsent who struck Hali as mildly familiar. A man she had met before, named Resh, who had been heavily voidtainted and even possessed, bore a very similar voidsent which could materialise separately from his body. Fortunately, the two shinobi made short work of most things in the keep, void included.

The passage put them right by the entrance to the city, and the two made their way down. Mould assailed their lungs, giant insects assailed their bodies, and doubt assailed Hali’s mind. The investigation of the keep had proven fruitless, but her initial scouting of the area around the Lost City had some promise. Deep within the city, she could feel something, and it was very close to what she sought. For a mercy, it had begun to rain, clearing much of the spores in the air, but bringing out insects much larger than either of the two Au Ra. However, they managed to dispatch most of them with ease, even having moments to admire some of those less hostile.

Despite their skills in combat, it was no easy task. In what Hali regarded, in hindsight, though not at that time, as a stroke of irony, Kaori had been assaulted by a massive moth - a creature almost resembling the guardian spirit of their village - and stuck down. Thankfully, Hali had managed to bring supplies enough to complement her admittedly-weak conjury, which, she had found, grew significantly easier and more potent in the ruins, which gave her some hope. Once Kaori was healed properly, her arm set and functional again, and Hali’s panic abated, they moved on.

Continuing deeper in, they were best by ever-increasing wonders. A seemingly-bottomless chasm surrounded them with platforms that connected with aethereal bridges, old wards still present, lingering from when their source stones were once in place, though nothing remained within them for them to protect. Hali’s hope grew again at that, and ,especially,when they found a host of voidsent and reanimated magi who had been attempting to breach a heavily-warded door. After having cleared them out, the two were able to set to work on breaching the door, themselves, seeming unaffected by its protecting wards.

What they saw on the other side was something akin to another world. Blissful, pure, and almost heavenly, they had found themselves in something akin to another world, constantly shifting ivory and gold pillar surrounding bridges and platforms that seemed to manifest from nothing. Sprites of pure light and torches of white fire that sang melodically lined the bottomless - and skyless - expanse of pure radiance.

The two shinobi found themselves almost unnaturally enraptured by the purity and bliss of it all, resolving themselves, one day, to return, though their aims were significantly different. Kaori wished to calm herself and to find inner serenity to better herself, but Hali found herself giggling at the thought of a pocket world created by mortals; it was her ticket to unlocking secrets that would allow her to shape reality to her whim, and she would, one day, have those secrets.

They, finally, reached what seemed to be a council chamber of sorts, empty of all things but a massive winged statue, armed with stone sword, shield... and three charged Wardstones - smooth, red, fist-sized stones that emanated a pure aether - set in its breast and behind both hands. In her excitement, Hali rushed in headlong, Kaori on her heels. The statue, like many others, was a gargoyle, enchanted by Amdapori magic, inset with Wardstones to make it effective against voidsent in the War of the Magi, she assumed. Fortunately, between their skill with ninjutsu, despite the stone being highly resistant to their poor blades, dinged and damaged from assaulting stone creatures, they managed to exhaust the statue’s animating magicks.

Prying the still-gleaming stones from the statue, Hali made one last attempt to contact Naoh, asking how to work the stones, and what she could do with three, rather than one. There was no response. Wherever they were in Amdapor, they were cut off entirely from the outside world. She and Kaori decided to beat a hasty retreat, vowing to return in the future in order to pursue their goals in that wondrous place.

When they neared the entrance to the Lost City, Hali’s heart jumped into her throat as a familiar presence became apparent in the patterns of aether around her: Dahlia. However, it was not simply her Moon. Her aethereal presence had all but winked out, and swirling about it in a writhing, chaos mass was the void-tainted aether of the voidsent that had possessed her, driving Hali to their task in the Lost City in the first place. Kaori and Hali immediately followed their shinobi instincts and made themselves scarce, watching the warped woman, clad in a strange outfit and mask, descend the stairs toward the landing where Hali has used her Vanishing jutsu to hide herself from him.

“Naras... wasn’t it? Come out...” the possessed woman crooned in an unmistakably male voice.

Hali’s heart pounded in her hiding spot. Dahlia’s form had shifted ever-so-slightly in the imbalance between her aether and that of her possessor. Her normally-mis-matched green and brown eyes had turned a deep red, one darker than the other, the edges dark and almost sunken. Her nails had grown into long, sharp claws, and she had a terrible, deathly pallor to her. The voice that came from her was not her own. It was Mirseleiris.

Securing the stones to herself as she frantically called Naoh for help over a linkshell that she knew Dahlia did not have, she was given an idea: all she had to do was get them close, so if she could grapple Mirseleiris, the stones would be able to do their work and suppress him, forcing him into stasis within Dahlia and giving her back her body and her control so long as they remained near. From time to time, she threw a small rock, skipping it on the stone stairs to make it seem as though she was sloppily fleeing further into the city. Fortunately, it seemed to distract the voidsent.

“[Kaori,]” she had said in Hingan over that same shell, “[I am going to do something very stupid. I am counting on you to back me up.]”

“[I will do what I feel is necessary,]” the other shinobi had said, adding, “[Trust me.]” Trust was something Hali had learned to put in Kaori. Though she could hardly trust the whole of the world - it was, after all, most assuredly out to get her in any way possible - she trusted Kaori to be able to handle things, every time.

Having slowly climbed atop the archway above the city’s entrance, she leaped from it, using a Shukuchi to rapidly get closer to Mirseleiris as he searched for her, taunting her. Arms wide, one Wardstone tied tightly to each of her palms and one affixed to the chainmail beneath her ningi, she attempted to embrace Dahlia’s possessed form, only to have the voidsent controlling her move her quickly away.

“Another new trick?” he crooned, then, realising what she had attempted to use, the proximity alone causing his head to spin, hissed, “Wardstones...”

Kaori, however, had been ready, and popped up from a ledge below the landing on which they had engaged Mirseleiris. Grabbing Dahlia’s ankles, she wrenched the Ishgardian’s legs from under her, causing the voidsent to tumble and temporarily release his grip on her. When she landed, it was Dahlia’s voice again, claws and eyes changing back slowly as Mirseleiris‘s presence faded.

However, when Hali straddled the girl, beginning to affix the Wardstones to her, she wound up in, she realised, a trap. Mirseleiris quickly took control of Dahlia again, one hand shooting forth to try and slash at her face and the other attempting to take her by throat. Thanks to Kaori’s quick reaction, smascking the first strike with the spine of her katana, the swipe only managed to tear part of Hali’ hood. However, the voidsent managed to take the heavyset Raen by the throat, choking her with vicious claws sinking into the skin at her neck.

Hali did everything she could not to lose control. It was chaos. It was fear. It was pain. It was rage. The thoughts had started to become murmurs, voices telling her what to do.

Kill her. Kill them both.

Knock her out.

Kill yourself.

She could hear Kaori, but no matter how she tries, she could not understand what she said amongst the din. Then, it got worse as a scream shook her very soul: Dahlia was screaming. Before her, Kaori had thrust the tip of her blade into the mage’s abdomen and drawn it clean, causing her to begin bleeding profusely.

“WHy... WOn’T... yoU... lEavE HeR?!” her body screamed in a disturbing dual voice, one belonging to Dahlia, the other to Mirseleiris, his grip slipping between the mageling’s intense pain and the Wardstones weakening him.

“W... why w- won’t... youhhhh...” Hali wheezed amongst the chaos and pain, before finally being released as Dahlia wrested control once more from her possessor. 

With the time the distraction gave her, she began fastening the second stone. The chaos in her head reached another crescendo as, Dahlia now fully in control and aware of her state, began screaming in agony again.

“Hali... Kel... help...! GahAHAhAHAhAhAHAHAAH!” she pleaded before Mirseleiris began to emerge again, mad dual-toned cackling beginning again, “She’s mine, mine!”

That tipped the scale in Hali’s head from fear to blind rage, and she screamed in response, “SHE’S MINE YOU WORTHLESS SHITSTAIN! SHE’S MINE! I’LL SODDING KILL YOU FOR THIS!” She couldn’t help, after the fact, remembering what she had yelled and how, deeply embarrassed at such melodrama, but she couldn’t help herself. Her mind was slipping, and fast.

“TheN If I cAn’T HAVe hER, I’Ll taKe hEr WIth mE!” the dual voice cackled maniacally, and the claws that had gone to Hali’s throat when, instead, to Dahlia’s poised to tear her own throat out in desperation.

Kaori had busied herself with activating pressure points and calling out to Dahlia, given Hali’s panicked and addled state, in order to try and help. At the same time, despite the start of a protestation from the other Raen, the hand holding the third stone rose, abandoning attempting to tie it to the girl’s choker, and came down hard on the side of her head, immediately knocking her out, as Hali, too, attempted a rather desperate manoeuvre, giving in to the voices as they screamed at her to do it, do it, do it, DO IT. 

Mirseleiris could tell what was coming and, instead of attempting to prevent it, lashed out one last time with claws and a kick, sending Hali reeling backward as not only did she gain two deep gashes across her nose and an eyebrow, she was hit in the death wound at her stomach, sending a massive cramp through her that caused her to lose her breath and fall over.

Silence, however, was the next sound, rain falling lightly upon the three, heavy breathing from them all following the struggle. Hali recovered just enough to carry Dahlia, and they managed to return to the Bountiful Chest. All three were in dire need of healing. Kaori’s arm was still in poor shape from the behemoth moth’s awful bites, and she had some minor wounds and inhalation of mould besides. Hali, too, suffered from inhaling the mould, though not as much, but the slashes across her face and puncture wounds around her neck required treatment. Dahlia’s were, thankfully, only superficial thanks to Kaori’s skill with her blade and proactive tactics, save for the concussion from Hali’s desperation.

Hali, once healed, could only lay in her bed in the medical ward and cry, her mind racing. They had done it. Dahlia could be safe - or even just relatively so while the stones were near or on her - until they had a more permanent solution. They had discovered in their hunt amazing things beyond description. Hali had a new lead into bettering herself, even to the point gaining the power to alter reality to her whim as she had seen done in Amdapor. Yet, she still could not stop panicking.

"Oh, gods, what did I do? She's going to hate me. This is all my fault... Fuck! Why did I say anything?! I knew he was listening! I shouldn't have done any of this... I should leave her alone, but... is she okay...?” she thought to herself on and off in a mad train of thought between bouts of panicked crying.

Slowly, eventually, once she had overheard that Dahlia had been healed and her concussion faded in the process, she shakily got up from her bed, sniffling, to move a few beds down toward hers. Silently padding across the floor on the other side of the curtain, she carefully climbed into the bed in which Dahlia slept. She curled up next to her and just cried, silent and shaking, almost afraid to touch her but still wanting to be close. Everything was still chaos. She needed something.