bittersweet
Also since you might get the weird notif that I'm posting againš might as well tell you guys what I've been up to.
So I'm in uni now, which is weird as heck because I think I started this blog when I was like 15... And now I'm turning 20 inĀ like 21 days... (I'm old I know ;-;)
I always promised to post, to finish that and that series which I never did in the end. I'm sorry for those who were anticipating it... so was I!
This blog was my outlet, my safe place. I came here to connect and post some light hearted stories about a band I used to adore. Don't get me wrong I still love Bangtan. I'm so proud of them, how far they've come and evolved. They helped me through the thoughest times of my life. I was so miserable back then. I'd just lost my grandpa, some friends too and I fell into a dark loop. Their music helped me distract myself from that. Their little funny videos, the bangtan bombs, the vlives helped me not think about my demons for a little bit. Just being an ARMY, staying up late waiting for a song to drop, ordering the albums and getting excited about which photocard will I get, collecting merch and hoping to see them live one day. It was enough for me to get through the darkest moments of my life. I detest and adore that time. I hate it because of how much I hated myself and my life and how I wanted to end it all for good. And I love it how I was able to meet Bangtan and you guys too! Some of you were just passer-bys. Some of you quiet readers, some of you were the cutest anons Iāve met.
And now here I am. I feel like my life is completely different now. Sadly Iām not as much of a hardcore kpop fan like I was in my teens. I still like Bangtan and their music. I felt bad that Iām not a true ARMY now but thatās some bs š. I remembered something Jungkook said once āsome of you may have already moved on, but I want to thank you all no matter when you loved us. I just want to thank you for sharing all those moments with us. Iāll always be here. ARMY can come anytime they want to and can also leave us whenever they want to or have to. But please remember this: Iām always here.ā When I saw this tipical me started crying at how beautiful this is. They have shown me so many beautiful things in life. A way to view life I thought was impossible. And Iām so thankful for that. So dear BTS, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Without them this blog wouldnāt exist either. I was hesitant to open it, and post here, but Iām glad I did. Iāve had so much fun writing these stories for you guys. The process made me realise how much I love writing. I loved talking to you guys so much too. I didnāt have a lot of anons but it doesnāt matter. They were one of the sweetest people, and I wish they are all good and happy. I wish all of you who were with me once are happy and everything is well for you. I wish you guys nothing but the best. I want you to know how much youāve helped me and made me happy. And I want you to know how much I love you guys too.
If from this emotional start you didnāt guess what I want to say... I will close down the blog. I donāt plan on posting more even though I have so much drafts I planned on doing. I know to some of you this was kind of obvious since I havenāt posted in so long. But to me it still wasnāt a closed chapter.
Though I will not delete it. I want new ARMYs to experience the fandom to the fullest. (I know my stories are not the best but I was a baby let me off the hook š) But I will not post anymore.... stories. I canāt never leave something š But my blog and messages are still open for you guys if you need someone to talk to, just vent or pass some time. I know we are living through some difficult times now.
Just to close this post somehow to make it cringey (like all my postsš) here is one of the earliest pictures of me on here and I took the other one just recently. You can decide where I look (almost) 20 and where I'm 16š
Love- Menta aka Mintaeš
