#mini escapes

Nicole struggled to pry the sticky candy off the roof of her mouth with her tongue.  She tried to ask a question but it sounded more like, “Whatchutawkabutt.” 

After a short scream, Dani shouted.  “Ooooh shit!!! Ohmygod, ohmygod, OH MY FUCKING GOD!!  YOU DON’T KNOW?!  Oh my poor, dear friend. I hate to break it to ya but shits about to hit the proverbial fan in your house.  I mean, social media’s drooling, panties around the world are dropping – probably some boxer briefs, too, and –”

Candy situation finally under control, Nicole interrupted her rant.  “Dani, I don’t understand, what the hell are you talking about? What happened?”

Text messages alerts were starting to pop up one after the other.  

“Nicole.  Your man is out there for the world to see in all of his lengthy glory!  He released a dick pic on Insta.”

“HE DID WHAAAATTT!?!!”

Just then, Chris’s name appeared as a call waiting.  

“Give me a min, Chris is calling on the other line.”

“Trust me, it's gonna be a lot LONGER than a minute.  Good luck, call me later.”

Picking up the other call, Nicole was greeted by the sound of Chris and another person yelling back and forth, clearly freaking out. 

“Chris?  Chris?!”

“Nic.. I, fuck! I fuckin’ posted a dick pic to insta! I didn’t mean to, I didn’t realize.. FAACK!!  It’s taken down now but it’s out there. Damage is done. , I took it down but the damage is done. This is a fuckin’ nightmare!”

She let him vent and get it out of his system. There was a lot of anger at himself, panic, and humiliation  to his voice and she had to work hard to keep her tone even and not add to it. 

When the words started to slow she spoke softly and calmly. “Chris, let’s take a breath together, okay?” 

After a minute or so of deep breathing she asked him to explain how it happened. She was furious and embarrassed for him, and for herself, but she couldn’t let it show.  

“I’m still confused, like, , were you looking at a photo of your junk and thought ‘let’s share this work of art?’l   After a brief pause she added “it was yours, right?”

“Of course it was!!  And no, nothing like that. I was bored in my trailer. You know we can’t hang around set unless you’re in the scene now because of all the damn social distancing shit, and I was clearing out my photos.”

“Okay…”

“And, you know how I’ve been photo and video dumping on insta lately? The fans and the public have really been enjoying it.  I wanted to share something else I found.”

“And that thing was your dick?”

“No! It was a video,  but I didn’t realize at the end it showed a screenshot of a bunch of old photos and one of them happened to be…my Johnson.”

Nicole dropped her head into her hand, exasperated. “This is why we don’t let you do shit on your own with the phone Chris!”

“How was I supposed to know that would happen?”

“You didn’t. You just suck at technology. My god,  Joanna must be losing her damn mind.”

“Oh she is, we already had a zoom call about it, hence the yelling when you called.” 

“When was the pic from?”  Even after all these years, the fact that he had a past was still not an easy thing to swallow (unlike him the wicked little voice in your head teased)

“Actually, it was a bunch of pics you and I were sending each other last year when I was away filming. The ones where you were writing funny shit on some old corny headshots where I was trying to hard to look cool, remember? And I said I had a better headshot to show you.” 

“Ohhh, the black and white one?”

“Yep.”

Now the comments from Dani made sense.  Lucky girl indeed. Now everyone knew it.

“Shit, Nic, sorry I gotta run. Jo is calling, I’ll call you later. Love you. I’m so sorry.”

She said her goodbye and let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. She was so thankful that their son, who was down for a nap, was too young to know what was going on. Nicole decided to ignore the texts and calls coming in to her. It wasn’t as if she had a good answer to give anyone anyway. 

Truly, what would she say? She ran down some responses out loud. 

“Yep, that’s his dick.” 

“Now you know why he’s so cocky!”

“Tacky right? Ugh, gag me with a … spoon.”

“Why yes, I do enjoy riding it like a pogo stick. Wouldn’t you?” 

“Well, he did play a supersized superhero. Maybe fiction became reality?” 

“So glad you all got to see my man’s Boston beef whistle!” 

She hung her head in her hands and gave herself a moment to breath deeply. It was going to be a long day and night and she was already feeling exhausted.  

Only one thing to do.  She got up and waddled over to the cabinet with the caramel stash, taking one more to satisfy the demanding cravings generated by the daughter growing inside of her. 

She chewed on the way to the couch, hoping to get her feet up and take a little snooze while she could.   As far as she was concerned, the gossip seekers could suck it. 

Pun intended. 

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